No Chance 2005

Referee: Teri Byrne
Berserk vs. Crazed Maniac

“When I’m Gone” by Three Doors Down hit in the arena as he made his way out. “Berserk!” by Suicidal Tendencies hits and Berserk comes running to the ring ALA Warrior. Berserk and Maniac lock up and Berserk got Maniac in the corner and gave a clean break but Maniac cheap shots Berserk with an open-hand slap. Another lock up and Berserk hit a short elbow shot to the head and then knocked him down with a combination knee to the gut followed by a European Uppercut. Berserk kicks Maniac on top of his shin but Maniac comes back with a low blow. Maniac kicks again to the gut of Berserk and gets up to quickly nail a DDT. He punches him twice to the back of the head before he sends Berserk outside. Maniac sends some chops into the chest of Berserk but Berserk nails a right hand that stuns Maniac and sends him head first into the steel steps and then sent him back inside. Maniac is cut badly over his right eyebrow and it only takes seconds for his face to be covered in blood. Berserk scores two quick knockdowns by clotheslines but Maniac comes back with a spear. Maniac punches wildly at the head of Berserk before Berserk makes two effective blocks to lock in a front Dragon Sleeper. Teri asks Maniac if he wants to give but Maniac refuses to fight up into a stand and forces Berserk into the corner for a break. Maniac breaks the hold and lands a chop before Berserk hits a huge right that sent Maniac stumbling out and over the top rope. Berserk sent a bloody Maniac into the ring post and hit a big boot to the back of his head. Maniac looks concussed. Berserk rolls Maniac back in and tosses a chair in as well before he locks in a Buffalo Sleeper Hold on Maniac and the fans start to get a bit more vocal for some hard hitting action rather than the stretchfest Berserk is putting on. Maniac fights out of the sleeper hold and lands some punches to Berserk’s ribs but Berserk hit a huge clothesline that turns Maniac inside out and gets a two count. Berserk keeps control by locking in a front face lock and powering him up for a front Suplex. Berserk stands up Maniac to hit the Sever Soul but Maniac counters with a drop kick. Maniac with another Irish Whip and hits a spinebuster and then some right hands followed by a double stomp to the gut. Maniac picks up the chair and hit Berserk full on and celebrates to the crowd. Berserk is now bleeding. Maniac goes for a lariat but Berserk moves and Berserk then locks in a Bear Hug but Maniac elbows out. Maniac charges at Berserk, but Berserk counters with a Manhattan Drop. Berserk runs to the opposite side of Maniac and connects with the Sever Soul. With Teri Byrne in position, Berserk gets a 3 count and gets a win in the No Chance opener.

During the Ladder Match set up, “Real Good Girl” by WWE Productions plays and Candace Rooker comes out and brags about how she scared Trisa out of the EWA. She then announces that Omega has booked her to face the EWA Women’s Champion in March. “Keys To The City” by Trish Stratus w/ Lil’ Kim plays and Trish Stratus shocks the crowd by coming out and saying that not all women who have the letters T-R-I-S in their names suck and she’s come to the EWA to make a new spotlight for herself once again outshining all. “Your Sweet Six Six Six” by HIM plays and a third woman from the VIP room cuts in on their conversation proclaiming that “there’s a new girl in town and her name’s Maria.” She claims that she’s going to be the new dominant female in the EWA. Nothing happens between all three. Just three women marking their territory.

Referee: Tylene Buck
Ladder Match
Jeff Hardy vs. The Retro Playa

“Burnt Page” by Peroxwhygen hit in the arena as he made his way to the ring and he will be facing The Retro Playa in a Ladder Match. “Play That Funky Music” by Cherry Wild hits and as promised, Retro comes donning his Triple Spike Claw and his Two-Pronged Razor Claw. Retro notices that Jeff is nowhere in the ring. Retro tries to look for him but Jeff is nowhere to be found. Tylene Buck starts the match and Retro goes for the ladder. He sets it up and starts to climb. Jeff Hardy comes out of nowhere and with a small ladder, spikes Retro in the back. Jeff pushes the ladder the opposite way and with no cushion, Retro falls to the floor outside from the ladder. Jeff immediately takes advantage of this and undoes the claws Retro wears. He quickly runs out back to the entrance. Retro recovers and slowly starts to make his way up the ramp before Jeff Hardy comes out of nowhere once more. This time, he’s caught but Jeff reverses into a wheelbarrow arm drag and connected with a back elbow knockdown on Retro. Jeff runs the barrier and catches Retro for another knockdown. Jeff sends Retro into the ring post outside. Jeff picks Retro up and immediately hits a Twist Of Fate. Retro isn’t moving too much but Jeff keeps the offense going. He slides in a table into the ring and sets it up. He also sets a ladder into the ring between the ropes making a makeshift seesaw. He puts Retro into the ring and lays Retro face down hanging over the table with the down part of the ladder around Retro’s masked head. Jeff quickly climbs the top turnbuckle and by leg dropping the up part of the ladder outside of the ring, he uppercuts Retro with the ladder. Jeff Hardy injures himself with that move. A few minutes pass before either man moves. Jeff rolls into the ring and tries to land one more bit of offense but is dropped by the Out With The Old. Retro a bit more healthier than the two starts to make his way to the ladder. He starts to climb. Jeff gets up and starts to climb the opposite side. Both men are climbing slowly to the top of the ladder waiting to grab the awaiting briefcase. Retro and Jeff are both teetering on the top of the ladder as blood is beginning to pour from underneath Retro’s mask. They trade side head shots before dazzling the crowd as Retro manages to balance himself on the top of the ladder with Jeff in full suplex position and drives him into the table with a version of the Cutting Edge. Holy shit chants go on for several minutes as Buck check on Retro and Hardy numerous times. Retro is barely moving. Jeff isn’t moving at all. More time goes by as Retro eventually gets up. Jeff is still out. Retro makes his way up the ladder as Jeff has yet to move. Retro gets to the top and begins to start moving the briefcase. Jeff moves only a bit before Retro completely removes the briefcase and wins the match.

Referee: Becky Bayless
Taz vs. Vertigo

For the first time in some time, “Sober” by Tool blast throughout Parc Des Princes Stadium and Vertigo comes out to the ring not as champion. He’s set to welcome a debuting wrestler to the EWA and an old rival of his; Taz. “Just Another Victim” by Cypress Hill hits and Taz comes out to a nice pop. He enters the ring and just like the usual, his opponent towers over him. Stare down as Becky Bayless calls for the bell. Immediate lockup then Taz with a side headlock and then a shoulder block. Vertigo gets up and goes down by a clothesline and another clothesline for a third. Vertigo tries to roll away to the corner to gather himself but Taz jumps at him with stomps in the corner. Taz picks Vertigo up and attempts a suplex but Vertigo blocks and pushes off into a bicycle kick. Vertigo goes off the ropes with a clothesline but is caught for a Belly To Belly. Taz lays in some forearms and Irish whips Vertigo but Vertigo counters with a Spear right to Taz’s face. Taz is completely out of it before Vertigo hooks and nails a Fisherman’s Suplex. Two count. Vertigo whips Taz into the corner and tries to follow with a Stinger Splash to the back. Taz bounces back and both men and their heads collide. The front of the crowd and the cameras pick up the sound and blood immediately starts to flow from Taz’s back head and Vertigo’s forehead. Becky counts the full 20 as both men are legitimately knocked out from the collision. Match declared a draw.

Special Referee: Subway
Megumi Kudo vs. Lita
Written by
Edits by me

As the EMT’s tend to Taz and Vertigo leaves the ring, the Death Match is set. Explosive barbwire on flooring on one side of ring, barbwire ropes all around, beds of tacks under the corner turnbuckles and Broken Glass under the turnbuckles. Chairs wrapped in Barbwire are placed around the ring with the final touch being bricks wrapped in barbwire on one side of the ring outside. Everything is place as “Hits From The Bong” by Cypress Hill hits and special guest referee Sub Way makes his way down to a mix of reactions. “It Came From Japan” by The Von Bondies hit and Megumi Kudo entered getting a standing ovation and welcome dressed in her standard attire with her new second following closely; Gene Snitsky. Scott Norton had Visa problems and as a result, had to return to Japan. Not many Death Matches come to Paris and not many stars of the death match come either and the uneasiness of the crowd is visible. “Lovefurypassionenergy” by Boy Hits Car hit and current EWA Women’s Champion Lita made her way wearing the gold around her waist out to more cheers then boos dressed in her ECW attire two piece pink with her hair in Ponytails. Sub Way goes over a few last minute calls and holds up what’s at stake before he calls for the bell. Lita and Kudo go face to face after pushing Sub out of the Way! The Bell sounds and Lita strikes first with a kick to the gut and one sidekick to the face Kudo goes down but is right back up as Lita plays to the crowd. Megumi Kudo Comes in Rushing Karate Kicks. Lita backed into the corner Kudo with a headlock and rakes LITA’S head across the BARBWIRE ROPES! Sub Way checking as he smiles at the sight of Lita’s BLOOD! Kudo setting Lita for a suplex and her BELLY goes Across Barbwire Ropes. Lita like a seesaw rocking back and forth as Megumi goes to the top turnbuckle and LEG DROP ON LITA! Lita’s stomach now bleeding some. Kudo stomping away. Lita reverses and mounts her and begins to pound closed fist on Lita. Subway pulls Kudo off as Snitsky hits the ring and CHAIRSHOT TO SUBWAY! Kudo motions for Gene to get out as Sub is down and rolled out of the ring. Megumi a bit upset at Gene for losing control but sets Lita up and Kudo sends her into the ropes. Lita stops just before the ropes and turns around eats a Spinning Heel Kick! Kudo sets up Lita to drape over the second barbwire rope. She backs up for a running star but LITA MOVES! Kudo rides the second barbwire rope like a rodeo bull as she falls of in pain holding her privates. Lita goes for a Bed Of tacks outside the ring and slides it inside the ring. Lita with a body slam on Kudo and floored by a Front flip leg drop Hardy style then points and motions to DDT her on the Tacks! The fans approve. Lita shakes head no and sets Kudo up for PILEDRIVER on the TACKS! Kudo is down and hurting tacks in the head rolling out of the bed. Lita has that chair sets it up grabs Kudo. Death Valley Driver! Lita runs to the CHAIR and hits a picture-perfect Triple Jump Moonsault off the barbwire ROPES! Lita gets up and gets the chair again and whips Kudo to the corner who is now groggy and barely standing in the corner. Lita set chair in front of Kudo Lita going for a Tornado DDT onto the chair is cut short by Kudo who locks In a Belly to Belly like position turns around RIGHT ON THE CHAIR successfully pulling off a smooth reversal Overhead Belly To Belly ONTO THE CHAIR! Lita is not moving from the chair bent from the maneuver. Subway making his way back into the ring and sees Lita down. Gene goes to Kudo and begins to fire her up. Kudo grabs a piece of broken glass as big as her hand and as long as a phone receiver and now has Lita and grinds it into the head of Lita screams out as Kudo continues. A crimson mask now covers Lita’s face. Kudo smashes the shard across Lita’s head! Kudo picks up Lita and throws her over the ropes and out of the ring but Lita gets caught up. Kudo takes another chair and hits a Running Drop-kick Into the Chair nails Lita and she crashes to the ground. Sub looking at Gene now as Gene looks ready to make it a intergender tag match! KUDO Running Suicide dives up and over clears the barbwire and lands on a bloody Lita! Kudo has a barbwire Wrapped Brick and approaches Lita and swings but Lita caught the arm and struggles it away from Kudo and smacks her across the side of the head with it. Kudo falls down and begins to bleed badly. Lita picks up and tosses her back into the ring. Sub signals to take it home. Lita powerbombs Kudo onto the tacks as Kudo screams out. Lita holds on and swings her over to the Broken Glass bed and leaves Kudo lying in broken glass bleeding badly. Lita Picks up the Bed Of tacks and drops the bed on top of Kudo; trapping her in a broken glass with a bed on top sandwich as Sub holds the bed Lita with a Moonsault off top turnbuckle effectively letting everyone know he is serving as Lita’s second as well. Lita with a cover but Snitsky with a nasty boot to the side of Subways head breaking the count up. Gene executes an Overhead Power Slam and sends Subway down into the barbwire bricks! Lita on all fours as Gene and the crowd get behind Kudo as she is on fours. Lita is up first closely behind her is Kudo. Kudo stomping the ground getting pumped up. Gene goes to the outside and heads for Subway. Lita comes in with a Clothesline but Kudo ducks! Kudo with a forearm to the side of the head and another before hopping into a Jumping Forearm that staggers Lita before landing a ROARING ELBOW! Kudo coming alive sets in the Kudome Driver! LITA kicking and arching Kudo back. BRIDGE Reverse by Lita and she hits LITAME DRIVER! Lita’s too exhausted to follow up. Sub is down. Gene watches him and waits. Lita pulls it together and is up using the ropes. Kudo picked up by her hair. Lita sets up for a powerbomb. Kudo punches out on Lita and Lita drops her. Kick the gut by Kudo before hooking and hitting with a Running Power Bomb Over the barbwire Ropes and crashes own into the Exploding Barbwire! Gene Picks up Sub and drags him over as Kudo waits for the smoke to clear and rolls out for the cover. Gene takes Sub’s head and viciously pulls his hair making him look at the clear cover of Kudo on Lita. Sub is a bit reluctant but counts the three. New Extreme Wrestling Alliance Women’s World Champion MEGUMI KUDO! Gene celebrates by putting Kudo on his shoulder the fans cheer and chant her name.

EWA Championship Match
Tower Of Doom Cage Match
Referee: Tylene Buck
The Dark One vs. Purgatory

“Down In The Dark” by Nirvana hits in Parc Des Princes Stadium as The Dark One comes out for the second Tower Of Doom Cage Match in EWA History. The Dark One stares at the enormous construct as he enters the cage on the bottom ring and makes his way up to the top cage. “Inner Universe” by Origa hits then Purgatory made his way down and his eyes were focused on the cage and his opponent. Purg does the same thing Dark did. The bell rings and as Tylene Buck stares from the bottom of the cage outside, her only role to declare the winner, waiting to present the winner with the vacated EWA Championship. Dark started off with right hands to Purg but Purg fought back with right hands of his own and then sent Dark to the corner and tried to drive his head into the top cage but Dark blocked. Purg on target with some chops and again went to drive Dark into the cage but he again blocked it. Dark hit a shoulder to the gut and then scored with a neck breaker and then went to go look for the trap door leading to the middle cage. Dark went back on the offense but Purg caught him and hit a snap front face suplex. Purg with knee strikes to Dark’s head and a pick up before a counter-hit thumb to the eyes and then quickly climbed to the middle looking for the opening in the middle of the top cage and finds it but Purg pulls him back and then hit a side kick to Dark’s ribs. He hit another to Dark’s head and chopped Dark in the corner. Dark got a heart punch in and then sent Purg into the cage and climbed down to the second cage. Dark started to undo the door leading to the cage above the ring when he’s blind-sided by a baseball. Dark is stunned and a busted-open Purg plays monkey bars using the second cage to climb with his hands to give Dark a Frankensteiner. Purg gets a Frying Pan and repeatedly bashes Dark in the head saying “this is your brains on drugs.” Purg gets the steel chair and nails Dark in the legs, in the back, and on his head in that order. Purg tries to give Dark a Northern Lights Suplex but Dark reverses into an Implant DDT. Dark is too hurt to capitalize as he’s bleeding from multiple frying pan shots. He tries to buy time by locking in a Shatter Arm Lock but Purg reverses out of it and hits an STO. Purg pulls Dark one near the second cage door leading to the ring and executes a Muscle SpineBuster sending Dark through the cage ALA Mankind and Undertaker. Purg gets caught up in the move and goes down to. Both men land hard in the ring and it’s a long time before either man moves. Dark manages to get going first and heads toward the exit. Tylene Buck gets in position to ready to declare him the winner. He kicks the door but it doesn’t budge. He’s hit by a spear by Purg and both men go out. Buck declares it a draw. “Bring Your Whole Crew” by DMX hits and out comes EWA President Omega. He says he doesn’t want another draw so he’s going to review the footage on Hardcore Theater. It shows both men, Dark’s triceps area and Purg’s forearm, touching the ground at the same time. The match is a draw. Omega declares that the only way to settle the controversy of the EWA Championship is to make sure one man is taken out of the equation. Both Dark and Purg argue the case of restarting the match but Omega says that would screw the buy rates and didn’t want to stay in the country of cowards any longer than he had to. Dark and Purg continue to argue with Omega as No Chance goes off the air.

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