Mark: Hello, everyone! Welcome to EWA Total Destruction! I am the current president of the federation. I am Mark!
Rhino: I am American Bad Ass….OOPS! I am the best color man in the business today. I am Rhino and we are deeply entrenched into Total Destruction! Actually, I was right at first…
Mark: Tonight, we will see a new EWA World Heavyweight Champion crowned. Will The Game re-surface here or will the inmate run this asylum?
Rhino: I hope Sid totally obliterates Triple H! Normally, I wouldn’t say that but damn Vince has been trying to make this place into the WWF ever since he got here! Man, you can’t hire worth shit!
Mark: I hire whoever I please and fire whoever I please so shut the hell up!
Rhino: Feeling edgy today, huh?
Mark: Right now, we go backstage to our first interview. Joey Styles, take it away.
Joey Styles: Joey Styles here. I’m standing by with Chris Jericho. Jericho, the entire EWA wants to know why. Why have you yet to speak?
Y2J: You know, Styling, Y2J doesn’t have to run his mouth like a lot of people here. I don’t have to talk a lot here. Everyone knows that EWA is Jericho. Everyone knows that I am the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla. And everyone knows that no one can beaAUGH!
Joey Styles: Holy shit! Madusa just came out of nowhere! Oh No! Don’t do it, Madusa! (Joey Styles is seen getting the hell out; dropping the microphone to save his ass. He ran because Madusa just took a bat and struck Jericho right in his knee. The force was so intense, the wooden bat shattered across Jericho’s knee. Madusa can be seen walking toward the dropped camera. The cameraman followed Styles out earlier. He wasn’t stupid.)
Madusa: Jericho, that’s how you get extreme, bitch!
Mark: I don’t know. I am completely speechless.
Rhino: Did you see that shit? Madusa is one fine mamma but she just became a lot less attractive. I wanted to hit that like mad but now I’m afraid because he might get mad and hit me!
Mark: I got a feeling things will get a lot more extreme tonight. A real good feeling. All it takes is for our first match to start. We await our first match.
Justin Credible Vs Scott Steiner
*****Winner fills the Final Spot in FTW Title Match*****
Mark: This match is sort of a mixture between a WWF Old Style Cage Match and a Lion’s Den Match. It has been imported here from the WCW. Now, we will see if this will work here.
Rhino: I hate to admit it, but I do like this type of match. It’s basically 2 guys beating the cash shit out of each other in a human-size bird cage. We don’t need no other heroes. We don’t need to find a way home. All we want is beyond-hon the Thunderdome.
Mark: You ain’t no Tina Turner and this Mad Max. It’s time to snap your fingers because here comes my boy!
Rhino: He’s not just the coolest. He’s not just the best. He’s….
Both: JUSTIN CREDIBLE!
Mark: Justin Credible rules! Here he comes in all his glory. Yeah, you damn right! You’re gonna whup that ass!
Rhino: Well, Justin just came by here and gave some dap to the president here. Now I know why they named you Mark. You sure marked out there.
Rhino: Never mind.
Mark: Well, Justin is up there taunting the fans and making them hate him.
Rhino: He may be an asshole, but he’s a asshole who can fight in that ring.
Mark: Justin awaits his so-called competition and here he comes!
Rhino: One of the most feared men in wrestling is coming to the ring doing the SAME GOD DAMN THING he did in WCW. Coming out with those two women who’s names I won’t even TRY to pronounce correctly. Making the biceps & then kissing it. I swear, I think the only true EWA wrestler around here is Sid.
Mark: Don’t forget about Justin also.
Rhino: Justin? But he….
Mark: IS ORIGINAL. The Big Bad Booty Daddy is in the ring. Justin is in the ring. There trying to burn holes with those stares.
Rhino: And now the birdcage is being lowered. Soon the feathers will fly!
Mark. No sooner than the cage lowers than Steiner and Credible really just lay into each other! Punches everywhere! Steiner is getting the better of Justin Credible. goes for an Irish Whip. Reversal by Justin. Reversal by Steiner! Justin goes into the cage and gets knocked flat right on his ass by a Steinerline! Wow!
Rhino: The smack of the Steinerline could be heard from here, Mark. Justin is a player who just felt some big time impact.
Mark: Steiner picks Credible up. Massive body slam! Kisses the bicep. Drops the elbow! And now push-ups?
Rhino: Yeah, Steiner, we know what push-ups look like. Get back on Credible or you’ll regret it!
Mark: Steiner pick Credible up. Whips him to the cage. Man, that cage definitely moved a few inches from that impact! Now Steiner has him hooked. Spinning belly to belly suplex! Steiner has this match in control. C’mon, Justin, you can’t go out like that!
Rhino: Justin is getting wasted!
Mark: I got to do something!
(Mark gets in the ring but is cut off by the referee. They argue. Steiner goes as far as he can within the cage to come over to the position of where Mark and the ref is. Mark and Steiner exchange every single curse word in the dictionary and some that are not. No one sees Justin pull out Brass Knuckles. Steiner feels them. Justin hits Steiner right in the base of his back and Steiner immediately collapses. Justin then takes Steiner and rams him face first into the cage. Steiner bounces back and gets caught right in the temple with the knuckles. Justin executes the That’s Incredible Tombstone Piledriver and then slaps a bloody Steiner in his own Steiner Recliner. Mark finally gets down and the ref goes back to Justin and Scott.)
Mark: Did you see him nail That’s Incredible? Justin is just too good!
Rhino: I saw that. I saw you run interference for your boy I saw Credible use the knucks. I see Justin screaming he’s out and now I see the ref calling for the bell because Steiner is out!
Mark: Yes! It’s over! Justin made Steiner pass out to his own move! He is the man! Yeah!
Rhino: Justin is being dumb! He continues to beat Steiner with those knucks!
Mark: Kick his ass, JC!
Rhino: This is a time bomb waiting to go off. It just went off! Here comes Kevin Nash!
Mark: What’s Nash gonna do? The cage is still down! He can’t get in!
Rhino: Nash has come out here by us now. He has the stick.
Nash: Hey Justin, I know you and I go back like Spud Mackenzie shirts and British Knights. Right now, you got a WolfPac member in there. I figure you let him go and end this for old times sake. What do you say?
Mark: Large Popcorn: $1.50. “Got Blood?” shirt: $12.00. Justin giving Nash the finger and telling him he has his release down here: Priceless.
Nash: So it’s like that? Well, I guess it’s gonna have gonna have to be like this!
Rhino: Nash just grabbed Mark! Bomb him, Kev, bomb him!
Nash: I got your attention now, Justin? Now, Mark my boy, tell the guys to lift the cage. Tell them to lift it or I break your stinkin’ throat!
Mark: (Coughing because he’s being choked) Lift the cage! Lift it!
Rhino: Well, the cage is rising and now that bird Justin just gave Nash is about to be freed. Mark is being held hostage here by Nash so I’m the only guy out here calling the stuff. The cage is up. Nash has let Mark go and he’s coming for Credible! Credible rushes Nash but gets that huge boot right in his face! Justin tumbles to the outside. Nash is standing over his fallen friend. He has Justin’s Singapore Cane! All Justin can do is point and curse as he helps Mark to the back. Help is coming for Steiner here. Well, as Nash gets help. What the hell? Nash just whipped out his cell phone. He’s on the horn talkin’ to someone. The medics wheel Steiner out of here. Justin Credible will go on into the FTW Triple Threat Match later on tonight to face Road Dogg and the 1-2-3 Kid. I guess now we got to prepare for our next match now.
No Holds Barred Ladder Match
Shawn Michaels w/Chyna Vs Kevin Nash
****If Nash wins Steiner and Nash get Tag Title shot…IF HBK Wins…He gets and FTW title Shot…***
Rhino: Well, I’m out here all by my lonesome. Color man & play by play. I can do it! Who am I kiddin’? I don’t even know what match is up next!
Voice: Leave everything to me!
Rhino: Who’s that? Well, a voice just came over the P.A. and now Mettalica’s
“One” is playing. What a classic. Well, I guess company is coming. I’m still waiting to see who it is. Still waiting. Still waiting. Holy shit! It’s Purgatory! I thought he was dead! Oh no! Please God, no! Just when I though this pay per view to make sense.
(Purgatory moonwalks to the ring. The more loyal and older fans of the EWA are chanting “never leave us again” as he makes his way to the announcing table. He sits down and the crowd straps in for one crazy ride)
Purg: IIIIIIIII’MMMMMMMMM BBBBBBAAAAAACCCCCCKKKK!!!!
Rhino: Good news for some I’m sure.
Purg: Actually, I never left. I’ve been the hot dog vendor at numerous EWA events. Your boy, Mark just gave me a huge promotion.
Rhino: Let me guess. You’re the janitor now.
Purg: No, I’m not a master in custodial arts. I’m the new EWA Vice President. I’m not just the VP, I’m a member! I’m also still Hot Dog Vendor so if you got a need for some Oscar Mayer, I can hook you up.
Rhino: Please tell me I heard wrong. You’re the new EWA Vice President?
Purg: Correct! Your prize is absolutely nothing! Hey, why don’t you handle the play and I’ll do the color.
Rhino: Man, as long as I been here. More proof that Mark can’t hire worth shit. Not only do I NOT get promoted. He hires a damn psycho as the VP! I just hope you don’t crayola my ass like you did last time!
Purg: Nah. I don’t feel like doin’ that now. You wanna know why Mark hired yours truly? He hired me as soon as Vinnie Big Mac tried to make the Sid/Triple H match into a regular old match and ban a move, he gave me a call and said I would be a good VP because chaos follows me around. I asked him do I have to wear a suit and can I keep my Hot Dog job, he said no and sure. So here I am. Look at me doing all the talkin’! You’re supposed to be the player-player man!
Rhino: Well, I guess I gotta grin and bear it. This next fight up is a ladder match. A Ladder Match between Kevin Nash & HBK. The purpose of this match is for a contract. The contract is for either a FTW Title shot if HBK gets the paper. If Nash gets it, he’s got a Tag Title shot coming his way with his fellow WolfPac member, Scott Steiner.
Purg: I think that may not happen. Steiner got busted up pretty bad against Credible. He might not ever come back. Hey, I’m pretty good at this!
Rhino: I have to agree with you, Purg. Never though I’d say that. Steiner was busted up and right now I feel like howling because here comes Big Sexy Kevin Nash!
Purg: WolfPac is back for the mass destruction. Kevin Nash is a emotionless machine comin’ down here.
Rhino: Looks like Nash is all business. He’s got the stick, too.
Nash: You know, Shawn. A few minutes ago, I was told that Steiner is out. He’s not coming back to the EWA. His back has gone on him.
Rhino: Wow! Justin Credible just retired Scott Steiner! He’s gotta be feeling real hype about that!
Purg: No more Steiner Recliner, No more two gals followed by the booty daddy. No more push-ups, No more teacher’s dirty looks! Wait a minute….
Nash: Right now, I feel like I can take on the world. HBK, get you ass down here now! I don’t care if we were former friends. Tonight, I’m just gonna whip some ass!
Rhino: Nash wants HBK. He’s got him! The music has hit and HBK is on his way!
Purg: I don’t think he’s cute. I don’t think he’s sexy. I don’t think he’s got the looks because I don’t swing that way! I do see him taking his time to get to the ring. I also she him saying something to Chyna. Why?
Rhino: Chyna is leaving? She’s going backstage? I guess for HBK this is personal also. This is a good idea. The way Kevin Nash is feelin’, HBK needs to stay away and let Nash cool down as much as possible. HBK does not wanna get in there with Nash feelin’ the way he’s feelin’ in the ring.
Purg: Forget that crap! Nash just transformed into K.I.T.T. and someone has pressed his Pursuit Mode button!
Rhino: Nash has come out of the ring and now is walkin’….er….stalkin’ after HBK!
Purg: HBK is runnin’ his ass off for life!
Rhino: HBK just took one look at Nash and ran straight into the back! Here comes Nash! Whoa! There goes Nash! What the hell happened?
Purg: To answer your question, Rhino, look at the thing that HBK is holding. Look familiar?
Rhino: It’s a ladder. Shawn must’ve jabbed into Nash and now HBK is workin’ him over with it! Man!
Purg: You see, I made sure that all the EWA ladders are pure steel. It’s like a 12 foot cutting tool. An instant bloodletting machine. Yes, I can make things sound cool. All the ladders here can cut up someone in an instant.
Rhino: I believe you, Mr. VP. HBK only hit Nash a few times and I already see a cut on his head and looks like he’s bleeding from the right arm. HBK has Nash. Suplex right on the concrete! It didn’t any favors, for the Icon. He setting up the ladder now. Looks like he’s gonna climb it. Why? They’re not even in the ring.
Purg: Now you know what this means. HBK climbing the ladder outside. Kevin Nash, just starting to get up. Can you say High Impact Move from the outside?
Rhino: If your right then we may be seeing the HBK of old here. He’s up on the very top of the ladder. HBK is set! HUGE HIGH CROSS BODY ON NASH FROM ON TOP OF THE LADDER! Shit! HBK is going all out!
Purg: The crowd seems to be lovin’ it. I can tell you from experience that a move like that hurts no matter if you hit it or not.
Rhino: HBK is in control and all things are Kliqing. HAHAHAHA! Get it? Kliqing!
Purg: I know that low blow HBK got wasn’t funny to him.
Rhino: Whatever momentum HBK had has just been flushed right down the toilet. The great equalizer of wrestling has just been used and now Kevin Nash is unleashing. Punches, forearms, a knee to the gut. Nash has HBK from behind. Walking Side Slam! I haven’t seen that since his Diesel Days!
Purg: Look at who he’s fighting, Rhino. I expect a lot of Diesel to surface here tonight. I think Nash is not gonna take it easy on HBK and will just get straight nasty like Diesel used to be.
Rhino: Nash is now walking with The Heartbreak Kid to the ring now. He tosses him into the ring. Nash has him up on his shoulder. SNAKE EYES right on the turnbuckle! HBK goes down in a heap! Nash takes down the straps. Is he going for it already?
Purg: When Nash does this, it’s that time. He’s one of the two guys who can really throw the bomb like no other. I think Kevin Nash is fixing to make a pool because he’s gonna use a powerful bomb to make the hole then dive in with a jackknife.
Rhino: Nash has him set. I can’t believe he’s going for it this quick. POWERBOMB! JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB! All of HBK’s air is gone!
Purg: HBK has bad b-a-c-k history and now all Nash has to do is climb the ladder and get that paper. He has the advantage because 7 foot guys can reach the top of ladders better thana6foot-something guy.
Rhino: Kevin Nash is slowly but surely walking to the ladder that Shawn set up outside. This match is very close to ending. This will be the fastest ladder match in history if Nash manages to succeed. He’s folding it up and now he’s lugging it to the ring! This match gets closer to ending with every single step.
Purg: Kevin Nash better get truckin’ like he use to be Diesel because HBK is up!
Rhino: HBK is barely up in the middle of the ring. Nash has slid the ladder in. Nash steps over the ropes. SWEET CHIN MUSIC! HBK just gave Nash a superkick like no other!
Purg: HBK didn’t catch all off it, though! He staggered Nash and Nash fell out of the ring!
Rhino: From here, it looked like Nash fell head-first. The crowd is looking concerned over where Nash landed. The security is doing all it can to hold back Scott Hall who is sitting here at ringside watching the match. HBK has set the ladder out he’s looking at Nash. He looks as confused as we are because he doesn’t know what’s going on either. He sets up the ladder and looks like he’s gonna climb.
Purg: I’m gonna see what’s going on. Go ahead and call everything, Rhino.
Rhino: The new vice president is going to look at Nash to see what’s wrong. HBK is climbing and looking at the same time. He’s on the top. He has the contract and HBK has won this thing! The new vice has waved for the paramedics while HBK was climbing. HBK has now climbed down that ladder and now he’s over where Nash is. Look at that Kliq outpouring! Justin Credible, Triple H, the 1-2-3 Kid, they even let Hall out of the crowd. These men are all connected or where with Nash in the past.Look at Justin. He’s in tears! Man, he just cold clocked HBK! HBK is fighting back! Now the Kliq is trying to hold them back! HBK is being held by Triple H and the 1-2-3 Kid. Hall is holding Justin back. Where’s Mark? What the? Is that Taz? Taz is coming down and for some reason, he’s now holding HBK back with Hall. Purg is headed back over here. The medics have put a neck brace on Nash and are now stretchering him out. Taz and Hall are with Nash. The Kliq is still out here but are heading backstage. Purg, what the hell happened?
Purg: It looks like Nash’s career is over. He landed head first when he fell out of the ring. I think we’ve seen the last of the WolfPac around here. We do have video of what happened to Nash and because the EWA is so twisted, we’re gonna show it.
Rhino: Well, as I look at the monitor and the crowd is watching it on EWA Hardcore Theater. Here, we see Nash tumble out head-first and…(crowd makes pain noise) oh man! The human neck DOES NOT bend that way! I think you’re right, Purg. I think we won’t see Nash for a while.
Purg: Well, we’re gonna have to take a time out here to set the next match up. Hey! I know a time killer! If you can find Joey back there, let him interview somebody!
Rhino: We can try. Joey? Joey, are you there?
Joey Styles: Yeah. I’m here. I got Diamond Dallas Page, Bret “The Hitman” Hart, and Madusa back here. First off, can you two please keep her away from me? I don’t want to end up like Jericho.
Madusa: I won’t hurt you, Joey….unless I feel like it!
JS: Please. Bret, first I ask you this: What are you feelings toward Kevin Nash and what just happened to him?
Bret: Y’know, it’s no big secret that me and Nash haven’t always seen eye to eye. But, For that to happen to anyone is an extremely bad thing to happen for the business as well as the fans. We will miss him, but I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Kevin Nash.
JS: DDP, what about you?
DDP: Like Bret said, for that to happen to anybody is real bad from anything that involves wrestling. Me and Nash go way back. If anyone remembers, I use to manage the guy. Take it from me, Styles, I guarantee that Nash will be back in some way.
Austin: (Sounding distant because he is in the background) Hey Page, too bad about your boy!
Rikishi: (Also sounding distant because he is in the background) Yeah. Now he has to back that ass up right into retirement! HaHaHa!
JS: DDP and Bret just bum rushed Austin and Rikishi! Everyone’s fighting! Oh my God!
Madusa: (Sounding seductive) Oh Joey, It looks like we’re all alone now. (Joey runs his ass off) Where was he going in such a hurry? Oh well. Guys, I guess you got a new backstage interviewer. Back to you. (Winks at camera)
Rhino: We got chaos between Austin, Rikishi, DDP, and Bret Hart and now it seems we also got a horny female backstage interviewer quick to wreck some shit! I love the EWA.
Purg: Behold my vice presidential powers as I sign a very cool match. For the next card we’re gonna have a little tag match involving those 4 guys beatin’ the crap out of each other. Okay, here’s what’s gonna happen: Tag Match. Austin and Rikishi versus DDP and Bret. It’s gonna have a little bit of everything for everybody there. Austin will be there so it’s gonna be a Texas Tornado Death Match; that means you come as you are, everybody is gonna be in fighting, no ref, and the only way to win is to knock your competition to hell out.! Rikishi will be there so the match will be a Kiss his ass rule thrown in also. This means if Rikishi and Austin win, Madusa has to pucker up and kiss the ass that ate Tokyo! DDP and Bret are gonna be in it. Diamonds are shiny. So are tag belts. So if DDP & Bret win, guess what they get a shot at? Finally, since it doesn’t take Bret much to be happy, he will be able to hit as many men as he feels like. As an added bonus, if he locks the Sharpshooter at any time, he doesn’t have to break the hold. EVER! He breaks the hold when he feels like it. Pay attention, Vinnie Mac. See all the chaos in that match? That is how you make EWA matches, brother!
Rhino: Damn! What a match that will be! What’s gonna happen next?
FTW TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
Road Dogg Jesse James Vs 1-2-3 Kid Vs Justin Credible
Rhino: Welcome back from the break. I’m still Rhino
Purg: I’m still Purg.
Rhino: The first half was full of chaos to say the least. First, we have a new Vice President. He’s sitting next to me and I gotta say that with Mark already crazy, the EWA asylum is ran by inmates.
Purg: I’m just as sane as the first half of action we had.
Rhino: If you’re that normal, then I’m very afraid to see what happens when you snap. Kevin Nash, Chris Jericho, and Scott Steiner have all been taken out. DDP and Bret face Austin and Rikishi at the next PPV for a shot at the Tag gold, and Justin Credible, the man who took Steiner out earlier, is on his way to the ring!
Purg: Snap your fingers, snap your neck. Justin looks to be ready to snap 1-2-3 and Dogg in half!
Rhino: I thought Mark would come out here with Justin but I haven’t seen Mark since he was choked by Nash. Where the hell is he?
Purg: Maybe we’ll find out because Credible has the microphone.
Justin Credible: I got a few things to get off my chest so SHUT THE HELL UP! (Crowd boos) First off, Mark’s voice has gone from him so I got a couple of females back there massaging his throat right now!
Rhino: Nash shut up Mark? Yes! Wait, he’s gone! Man! Now I miss Nash even more!
Purg: Credible just silenced the president also. He has females all up on Mark according to him. You think he’s coming out here anytime soon? Do you actually believe there are any females who want to touch Mark and if they do, o you think they are just massaging his throat? Sure they are.
JC: Now Kid, when I came down to see my blood, you had no concern on your face what so ever! You didn’t care that our boy was taken out like that! I’m gonna have to kick your ass to remind you that we may have our differences but once you’re Kliq, you ain’t gonna never be anything else no matter what! (Crowd actually cheers) Road Dogg, to me, you will always be fake ass Kliq! So you and the Kid bring both of your sorry asses down here so that I can shove this cane up both of them because I am the coolest, I am the best, I am Justin Credible!
Purg: Is it just me or are there a lot of pissed off people tonight?
Rhino: It ain’t you. It’s as if the EWA is giving chips out backstage for everyone to put on their shoulder.
Purg: Chips? I got some Salt and Vinegar right here. Want some?
Rhino: Not those kind of chips! I’m taking about…never mind! Here comes the Kid!
Purg: 1-2-3, Syxx, X-Pac. Mister “Math is my name gimmick” is coming down here hell bent on winning the gold. He looks to not care about what Credible just said not too long ago. He wants that gold. He wants it bad. He’s sorta on the Million Dollar Man’s bad side now. He wins this and he’s on his way in the clear.
Rhino: Triple Threats are always chaos. We will have to wait and see what happens. The Kid is in the ring. He goes to Justin and they stare each other down. They couldn’t wait for the Dogg! There beatin’ the shit outta each other now!
Purg: Oh, they didn’t wait? There asses better listen to that! that music that is! Here comes the FTW champion!
Rhino: Road Dogg has just flashed right down into the ring! The Kid just nailed Credible with a spinning heel kick! He turns right into the Dogg. Snap jab! Another one! Road Dogg jukin’ and jivin’. Big right hand and knockdown with the Shake, Rattle, and Roll punches! Road Dogg goes to the ropes, bounces off, shaky knee drop! He goes for the cover! 1! 2! Credible breaks it with a leg drop!
Purg: Justin managed to drag himself up after that kick just in time to break the count! All three men are down and now it’s back to anyone’s match! All 3 stagger back up. Road Dogg punches Justin, Justin punches the Kid, Kid punches Road Dogg. Everyone is punching everyone!
Rhino: The ref better stay back so he don’t catch knuckle upside his temple! It’s a 3 way brawl and it’s anybody’s game! All of the sudden, the Kid and Road Dogg decide to double team Credible. Credible is being pummeled in the corner! The Kid aims off and hits Justin with another spinning heel kick and that knocks Justin on his ass! The Kid looks like he’s goin’ for the Bronco Buster here. Road Dogg just caught the Kid sleepin’ and now the Kid is back into the corner by the Dogg. Road Dogg, workin’ over the Kid with those punches. He’s startin’ to juke and jive again. Road Dogg misses the big right and the Kid counters by showing Road Dogg how educated his feet is!
Purg: You can educate your feet? Cool! I will teach my toes not to hurt whenever I accidentally bump them like so much pinballs!
Rhino: The Kid is in full control. He’s lookin’ for the Bronco Buster on RoadDogg. There it is! Bronco Buster! The Kid is ridin’ the bull! Man! He didn’t count on Justin blind siding him with the Singapore Cane!
Purg: Normally, that would mean instant disqualification but in case everyone doesn’t know, disqualification doesn’t exist around here. Hell, I can’t even spell it!
Rhino: Justin workin’ the Kid over now. Unbelievable! The Kid is fighting back! The Kid with a wild swing. Misses! Justin counters with a superkick!
Purg: A big time superkick that had Heartbreak Kid written all over it. The Kid does have a history of neck problems and the smack of that kick on his chin didn’t do him any favors.
Rhino: The Kid just went flat real fast. Justin with the cover! 1! 2! Road Dogg with the barely there save! Road Dogg, bashing in the forearms. Road Dogg, picks him up. Suplex! Road Dogg, bounces off the ropes. Another Shaky Knee Drop! Road Dogg back in this match like he wants to be. Road Dogg hooks Justin. How embarrassing will this be? Road Dogg is going for a Tombstone Piledriver! Justin is fighting it! He reverses it but he can’t hold ! He’s forced to put Dogg back down. Dogg goes for a clothesline. Justin counters with THAT’S INCREDIBLE! Justin just hit That’s Incredible!
Purg: I’m seeing six guys. That exchange of moves made me dizzy as a mug.
Rhino: Justin just hit his move. He’s going for the cover! 1! 2! 3! No! The Kid with the kick out and it was a 2 and a half! X-Pac whips Justin into the corner. Reversal! Man! The Kid plowed right into the ref! The ref collapses. Justin hooks the Kid. ANOTHER THAT’S INCREDIBLE! Justin covers the Kid! You can count to a hundred but there’s no ref to count!
Purg: I don’t think the Kid and the Dogg will be getting up soon. Hey! Look!
Rhino: It’s Triple H! Triple H just came out from the back! He turns Justin. Hooks him. PEDIGREE! Justin just got planted with the Pedigree! Triple H did the damage and is now leaving!
Purg: I’ll be back. I’m gonna do some chaos!
Rhino: Where the hell you goin’, Purg? Well, Purg has got up and is now in the ring. He’s doing something with the competitors who are all out. He’s dragging them in the ring near each other. What’s he’s doing now? He’s ripping the ref’s shirt from him! I didn’t know Purg swung that way! Wait a minute. He puts the shirt on! He can barely squeeze into it! He makes the count! 1! 2! 3! We’ve got a winner but who is it? What’s Purg doing now? The ref shirt is of and now Purg is on the outside looking for something. He pulls a bag. What’s that he’s putting on? It looks like a announcer’s suit vest. He grabs the stick. What’s he gonna say?
Purg: Every time I grab one of these things, I feel like bustin’ a rhyme. My name is Purg, cooked rare hamburg, just what kind of word is the word known Yerg? Anyway, the winners of this match, and NNNEEEWWW FTW champions of the wwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllll lllllllllllllllddddddddddddddddddddddddddd………..Road Dogg Jesse James, Justin Credible, and the 1-2-3 Kid! Thank you, no w sit back and strap in for the main event!
Rhino: Yerg? SAY WHAT! All 3 guys are the FTW champ? What the hell? Purgatory, what have you done?
Purg: Well, we’ve had 2 guys who don’t necessarily see things hold a title at the same time. What happens when there’s 3 guys on 3 very different pages hold a singles title at the same time? You get chaos! You get trouble! You get a Fatal Four Way Elimination Match for the FTW championship! The 1-2-3 Kid! Road Dogg! Shawn Michaels! Justin Credible! There will be one champion after that 4 way and that’s a promise!
Rhino: You ain’t here for 5 seconds and your already causing chaos!
Purg: I ain’t causing chaos. I’m bringin’ the EWA out of the EWA! This isn’t chaos, this is what we are all about!
EWA World Title Match
Sid Vicious Vs Triple H w/Chyna
****NO HOLDS BARRED****
Rhino: Everything is set. All matches have built up for this upcoming match! On one side, we got the EWA rep in Sid. Whether he likes it or not, he stands for everything EWA. The other side has Triple H who obviously wants to live a WWF dream here. So it all comes down to this one match. If Sid wins, he will let everyone know how to represent for the EWA. If Triple H wins, this fed starts its plummet into the “we are a WWF clone” zone. Needless to say, you know who I’m rootin’ for.
Purg: To me, this isn’t what this match is gonna be about. It’s about two guys who want to fight; at least from Sid‘s side. From one psycho to another, I know what he wants. I’m serious when I say that all he wants is to literally feel one of Triple H’s bones break. He also wants to hear Triple H scream in pain until he passes out from it. I think that’s sick. I’d much rather be the one feeling the pain myself. As for Triple H, he’s not fooling anyone. He wants to copy his gimmick from the WWF here and if anyone can’t see that, they’re blind. I guess it could be worse. He could try to copy his other gimmicks here. Terror Ryzing? Jean-Pierre Levesque? “The Blue Blood from Connecticut” Hunter Hearst Helmsley? Man, that would suck beyond belief.
Rhino: Well, this may not be the WWF, but that music sure sounds familiar. He says it’s his time. Here comes Triple H!
Purg: Same lighting effects. Same stand in the entryway with head down then pour water on the head. He says he doesn’t copy his WWF gimmick here but anyone who’s seeing this knows that’s bullshit.
Rhino: The Game, slowly but surely making his way to the ring with Chyna. This is a No Holds Barred match. There is absolutely nothing that can stop her from interfering in this match.
Purg: I will bet you my vice presidency that she won’t be the only person who involves herself in this match.
Rhino: Triple H has DX. Sid has no one. If DX interferes, it’s a safe bet no one’s gonna help him. There he is. Triple H looks ready and primed.
Purg: Triple H is pacing in that ring trying to stay focused. He better be because here comes Sid!
Rhino: When fans cheer, it is called a pop. I have never in my career in the EWA heard a pop as loud as when Sid music just hit!
Purg: Did you say something, Rhino? I can’t hear you over the EWA chants!
Rhino: What you say, Purg? Well, anyway, here comes Sid walking to the ring and hitting fists with the fans. Triple H awaits his opponent and Sid is up on the apron and steps over the ropes. Triple H rushes him and the match is on! Triple H punching Sid. Sid grabs him by the neck and pushes him out of the ring! Man!
Purg: Triple H just got an unpleasant wake up call. He just got some info regarding how physical Sid can be and the call wasn’t too good.
Rhino: Triple H is very frustrated and surprise, surprise. Chyna interferes by grabbing Sid’s ankle.
Purg: This is No Holds Barred. I’m surprised she hasn’t done it beforehand.
Rhino: Chyna is holding onto Sid’s ankle and Sid is trying to shake her off. Triple H gets back in the ring and has the instant advantage! He goes back to work with the right and lefts! Sid pushes him off! Triple H rushes in with another flurry. Sid shrugs him off again. Triple H rushes in a third time but gets caught by the throat! Sid manhandles him into the corner and unleashes with his own flurry! Rights and lefts everywhere! Boot to the gut! Man, what a chop!
Purg: Sid just smacked Triple H right in the chest and no, it’s not blushing!
Rhino: Triple H’s chest, turning red after only one chop. What impact! Sid doesn’t stop there as he lays into Triple H with another chop! Man! Sid, going for an Irish whip. Triple H, going for a reversal. No! Sid counters the reversal into a clothesline! Triple H is flat on his ass! Listen to those chants!
Purg: Sounds like their chanting “Game Over.” This match does look to end quickly unless Triple H can do something and do something fast.
Rhino: Sid looks like he’s ready to put Triple H away. He’s calling for the chokeslam! The crowd goes nuts! Sid hooks him! Triple H is about to….no! Low Blow! Sid is stunned. Helmsley bounces of the ropes. High Knee Lift! Sid is down and know Triple H has regained control! Knee drop! Triple H with the cover! Not even a one count as Sid presses Triple H off of him!
Purg: The Game has a few bugs in his system tonight and that’s bad. He didn’t hook a leg and paid for it by being tossed like a salad. Tossed Salad? I’m hungry. I’m gonna go back to my hot dog stand. You want anything, Rhino?
Rhino: Yeah, get me a large chili dog with the works, some Munchos, and a large beer.
Purg: All right, partner. I’ll hook you up. See you soon.
Rhino: Well, as the Vice leaves, the action continues and Triple H is really on his game now. He picks up Sid and tosses him outside. Watch out because he’s near the border of Chyna! Chyna is coming over to Sid with a chair. She’s gonna offer him a seat the hard way and BLAM! She just nailed Sid in the back with a chair while Triple H has the ref distracted. That wasn’t necessary, dumb ass! It’s a No Holds Barred match! Triple H now coming out to the ring. He’s greeted by near-deafening Sid chants! Hey Hunter, don’t lose you focus! You got Sid over there! Worry about him, not the crowd! Sid, over on easy pickings of Sid after that chair shot. He picks him up and he looks to Irish Whip him into the rail. Sid reverses and Triple H nearly went right through the metal guard rail! Man! Triple H is down. Watch out! Sid is lowblowed again! This time, by Chyna! Chyna is trying to DDT Sid but Sid just shrugged her off. Yeah! That bitch deserves a beat-down! Hunter is still down and Sid has now got Chyna by the throat! Chokeslam that ho, Sid! Where’s he going. This doesn’t look good for Chyna. He’s heading over to the international announcing table. Chyna is helpless in the grip of Sid. Sid lifts her up and CHOKESLAMS her right through the table! Here come the entire DX but they’re too late! Chyna has been decimated! DX is on their way but Sid sees them and is ready. HBK gets cold clocked! Ted Dibiase gets cold clocked! The Kid gets cold clocked! Vince gets cold clocked! Sid is a one man DX butt-kickin’ machine! He slides into the ring and is standing in the middle! He’s daring the entire DX to meet him head on in that ring! It’s 6 against 1! He can’t beat these odds but he’s a psycho who don’t give a damn! The DX army has now attended to Triple H and he seems to be okay. As amazing as it sounds, Chyna has been helped back up by Ted Dibiase and the 1-2-3 Kid. She is standing and aware but barely. Sid is beggin’ the entire DX to come get a piece! DX only has one 100% guy and that’s Dibiase! Everyone else has gone through some pain tonight! DX is discussing something. Looks like they’ve got a plan. They’re surrounding the ring now. All of DX against Sid for the big belt. The ref is over here by me. He has no choice but to let this go. DX is around the ring now. Sid is completely surrounded by DX. They’re slowly getting in the ring. They’re all in and Sid is surrounded. Here they come! They all pounce on Sid! Sid is trying to fight back but is overwhelmed! They all seem to be slowly but surely getting the advantage. Whoa! Sid just went into beast mode and shrugged them all off! Everyone is getting cold clocked! Sid is taking them all apart! The Kid is tossed out the ring by his neck! So is Ted Dibiase! Chyna gets clotheslined! HBK gets a big boot! Vince is up and punching away! No effect! Sid hooks him! Vince is going for a ride! CHOKESLAM! Sid just chokeslammed the commissioner right out of his dress shoes! Sid turns. Kick in the gut by Triple H! He hooks him. There iit is! Triple H just hit the PEDIGREE! Cover! The ref slides in! 1! 2! No! Sid just kicked out of the Pedigree! Triple H looks plenty pissed because I can’t remember someone doing that in a while! Triple H goes to the outside. The entire DX are still down. He has a chair. He gets back in and Sid is up and WHAM! Triple H just told Sid’s skull to sit down! Triple H, manages to get Sid hooked back up. PEDIGREE! This time, on the chair! Cover! Not like this! 1! 2! 3! No! Sid, barely able to kick out and Triple H is now the master of throwing a hissy-fit! He can’t put this man away! Sid is proving to be double tough! Triple H is trying to pick up a seemingly helpless Sid. Triple H has just became the victim of the great equalizer known as the low blow! Look at Sid! He’s up! Glazed eyes and all! He’s either got his secondwin or he’s gone completely psycho! He’s got Triple H by the throat! CHOKESLAM! The Game has just gone from in control to flat on his back! Sid is looking out to the crowd! DX is starting to get back up! Sid better hurry! The crowd is chanting for the powerbomb! Sid is hooking Hunter. You asked. He obeyed. POWERBOMB on Triple H! The Kid just took out the ref with a spinning heel kick! Sid has the cover! 1! 2! 3! This match should be over but there’s no ref and the crowd’s count don’t count! Dibiase is in and is stomping and punching Sid! Dibiase tries to hook him for a suplex but Sid with another shrug off! Sid turns around and catches Sweet Chin Music all up in his chin HBK style! The entire DX has just swarmed all over Sid. Triple H, now up. He’s shouting for them to do something. Chyna, The Kid, Dibiase have come to the outside and lookie, lookie! The tables are coming! DX, setting up all the table here. I bet it isn’t for a picnic. There’s 5 tables all set up here. What’s gonna happen? They set Sid on the tables. Triple H gets on them to. Is he gonna do what I think he’s gonna do? Triple H hooks him and quickly gives Sid a third PEDIGREE through the tables! All the tables were pulled together to form sorta a mini-ring. I thought Triple H was gonna make those tables collapse under his and Sid’s weight but he somehow pulled the Pedigree off! He’s got the cover! There’s no ref! What’s Vince doing? He’s taking his suit off. This is no time to strip, McMahon! Oh, I see. Vince has a ref’s shirt on! He’s gonna count it! It’s over, now! Triple H with the cover! 1! 2! No! I can’t believe Sid kicked out of that! What is it gonna take to put this monster away? Triple H looks like he’s about to go psycho himself! The entire jaws of DX have just dropped! Triple H, now shouting more instructions. DX clearing the ring. Triple H getting help from DX now. He hooks Sid again! Another Pedigree? He just told DX to help him lift Sid up. Lift him up for what No! You gotta be kiddin’ me! POWERBOMB! The very move Triple H tried to abolish! He and the entire DX just spike powerbombed him! Now what? He’s telling DX to hold Sid down? Is this right? HBK and Chyna have his legs. Dibiase and The Kid have his arms. Hunter goes for the cover! Vince makes a lightning fast 3 count and Triple H hadone it! He is the new EWA champion of the world! Sid has just been royally screwed! What now? McMahon has the stick now. What’s he gonna do, brag?
Vince: You did it, Hunter! You did it all by yourself! You are the new EWA champion! You know what? Forget that! You are the new WWF champion and once again the GAME! Thank you everyone and I hope to see you at WWF Tuesday Night Carnage!
Rhino: All by himself? WWF? Has Vince gone nuts? I don’t know about that but here comes my boy Mark! It’s about fuckin’ time, you lazy bastard! He’s coming down here and now he has got in the ring and immediately got in Vince McMahon’s face! Damn! Vince just slapped the taste outta Mark! Mark spears Vince and we got a suit street fight! DX is trying to break it up but here comes Justin Credible! He comes right down and attacks the Kid! Here come DDP and Bret Hart! They’re fighting Hunter and HBK! Madusa has come down and gets her cat scratches on Chyna! Here come Steve Austin and Rikishi! They’re fighting everyone! Here comes Taz! He bangs up Dibiase! the Kid is trying to break that up but here comes Road Dogg! He’s got a score to settle with the Kid! Everyone is fighting! It’s DX versus the EWA! Or is it the WWF Vs the EWA? Sid was pushed outside by DX earlier and is out! Here comes Purgatory! He’s not gonna fight? he looks to be heading this way. Purg, why aren’t you fighting?
Purg: What? You don’t want your dog, chips, and beer? It’s not like I missed anything.
Rhino: I want my stuff but you wasn’t watching what happened?
Purg: Missed it, dude.
Rhino: Then you missed EVERYTHING!
Purg: Don’t worry. It’s not like those cameras don’t have tape. I will watch what I missed and I promise you that no matter what I see, I will make Tuesday Night Carnage interesting. That’s a promise. Hey! Do you hear what I hear?
Rhino: That music sounds familiar. It’s Sid’s old WWF music! This only comes on when he’s feeling very psychotic and very destructive. I’m lookin’ at the guy now. He’s just laying there with his eyes wide open and laughing. That can only mean trouble come Tuesday Night Carnage! Goodnight, everyone!