Tuesday Night Carnage 07-30-00
Mark: Hello, everyone. Welcome to EWA Tuesday Night Carnage! Mark here along with Rhino and I must say this night has a certain uneasiness about it.
Rhino: You ain’t lyin’ there, Markie. Did you see what happen before we came on the air?
Mark: We will let everyone know what we are talking about here. If you all would just look at the EWA’s Hardcore Theater here. We see former EWA commissioner, Vince McMahon in Washington State talking about the XFL and a team coming there.
Rhino: Vince left the EWA to work full time in the XFL. He may have left, but he is not forgotten.
Mark: Definitely not forgotten by some. As you can see Vince leaving after the events and as the limo pulls up and he gets in, look at who is driving it.
Rhino: I will say this for Vince. Holy shit, man! Sid is driving your limo!
Mark: We have a report by police that the limo was indeed found near the arena here. It was totally obliterated and both Sid and Vince were nowhere to be found. I hate to think of what damage Sid has done to Vince.
Rhino: I don’t! He left the EWA! Good riddance!
Mark: When we last saw Sid, it looked like he was feelin’ like Sycho Sid. Now, it looks like he’s feelin’ like Sid Justice; dispensing Justice on those who royally screwed him at Total Destruction.
Rhino: He’s not dispensing justice, he whuppin’ DX ass one by one! I got a feeling that the entire DX is not safe tonight!
Mark: Right now, we’re gonna cut to Purgatory. Purgatory, how are things holding over where you are?
Purg: The hot dogs are a go, the Purgtato chips are going left and right and now it seems that everyone wants a CheezePurger. Hey! Why are you guys talkin’ to me? Let’s get the action goin, shall we?
Rhino: CheezePurger? Hey Purg, hook me up later!
Mark: We are all ready to start this night of Carnage with our first match!
Tazz Vs Ted Dibiase
(Edited by DPrincedso. Written by RockNSock4000)
(Money hits as Ted Dibiase makes his way to the ring…)
Mark: From that music, we are set to go with this submission match. Tazz versus Ted Dibiase. The Tazmission goes up against The Million Dollar Dream. Two submission moves go head up. Which one is better? We will find out soon.
Rhino: I like Dibiase. He has money, an attitude, money, great technical skills, money, The Million Dollar Belt, money and right now, a microphone. Guess we’re finally gonna hear from Ted. Rich people rarely speak. Wonder what he’s gonna say?
Ted: Tonight at Carnage, I will prove to the whole entire world that the best submission hold is the Million Dollar Dream and not The Tazzmission! Tazz, after I beat your ass like you stole my money, I WILL BUY THIS COMPANY AND RUN IT THE WAY I WANT TO! BECAUSE EVERYONE INCLUDING MARK HAS A PRICE….FOR THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN! (Laughs)
Mark: Great laugh but he’s delirious to all hell if he thinks I will sell him this company.
Rhino: Just take his money and don’t sell him the company. Ain’t nothin’ like jackin’ a rich man.
(Tazz’s music hits as he makes his way to the ring…)
Mark: The number 13 is considered unlucky. Anytime you see this man, consider your luck ass out.
Rhino: The Human Wrecking Machine. Tazz comes to the ring towel and all. He’s walking the walk and now he gets in the ring and now he’s got the stick.
Tazz: Ted, You come out here and run your stupid ass mouth. You may have money, but your ass is gonna be choked out by the HUMAN WRECKING MACHINE BECAUSE I’M TAZZ! THUG LIFE BORN, THUG LIFE BREAD, AND
WHEN THE TIME COMES, THUG LIFE DEAD!
Mark: Tazz doesn’t wait for the bell and he bum rushes the Million Dollar Man. Ted moves out of the way and Tazz runs in to the corner.
Rhino: Tazz is stunned. Dibiase grabs him. Hooks him. Piledriver on Tazz. Tazz is down.
Mark: Ted has Tazz up. Hooks him again. Suplex drops him down to the ground and Dibiase has technically taken over this match early.
Rhino: Ted is on his technical game and what the hell is that music?
Mark: It sounds familiar. I think that’s the old Sid Justice music. Is Sid coming down? Yes, he is and here he comes! He is starring at Ted Dibiase. Dibiase was one of the six men who helped DX screw Sid at Total Destruction. Ted has lost his Focus and is now trying to get the referee to do something about Sid. He has turned his back on Tazz and that’s a huge mistake! Tazz comes from behind. Hooks Ted into a T-Bone TazzPlex AKA a Tazzmission Plex! He has laid Ted Dibiase out. He locks on the TAZZMISSION! Dibiase is trying to counter or get out of it but he can’t. Dibiase is fading fast! The ref is checking on Ted. The ref has just stop the match and Tazz has just squashed Ted Dibiase
Rhino: Tazz isn’t letting the hold go, Mark! Sid is getting closer and now Sid has entered the ring.
Mark: Tazz just broke the hold now, Rhino. Sid goes over to Tazz and now he and Tazz are eye to eye. Sid is saying something to Tazz. Man, I’d give anything to hear what he is saying.
Rhino: Tazz walks away from Sid and now goes right back to the Tazzmission on Ted! Why? What did Sid say to him?
Mark: I don’t know, Rhino, but we’ve got a whole bunch of officials surrounding the ring to try and pull Tazz off of Ted. They are being held at bay by Sid. What the hell? “My Time” has started and officials rush in and have now just pulled Tazz off of Ted. EMT’s have rushed to the ring complete with oxygen to try get air back into Ted’s lungs. The EWA Commissioner, one-half tag team champion and the current EWA World Heavyweight champion has come out here. He is the Game. He is Triple H. He has a match later on tonight against Jericho. A Sledgehammer Match. He’s got a stick. He’s got something to say, I guess.
HHH: You know, it’s nice when two lovers like yourself find each other.
Mark: What is the sound of 20,000 people booing? Just listen….
HHH: I’m gonna let you two new buddies get all touchy-feely. Next ppv. Sid, Tazz, you two are gonna go head up at our next ppv. It will be Sid Vs Tazz and the winner gets a shot at MY EWA World title. See ya.
Rhino: Tazz Vs Sid at the next ppv for a shot at the World title? What a match!
Mark: No, Rhino. That’s bullshit. If Triple H thinks he’s going into the ppv without defending the EWA World Heavyweight championship, he’s sadly mistaken. He will defend and that’s a promise. Be that as it may, our next match is on as soon as we get Sid, Tazz, and Dibiase out of here. They are carrying him out now. It’s almost a dead silence here as the next match is sure to start sometime soon.
Texas Tornado Tag Match
Steve Austin & Rikishi Vs DDP & Bret Hart
Winner to receive World Tag Title Shot
(Written by RockNSock4000. Edited by me)
(Glass shatters as Steve Austin and Rikishi make their way to the ring…)
Mark: It looks like it’s time for the Number One Contender Match for the Tag Team Titles. This match is under Texas Tornado rules which means you come as you are and everyone is fighting in the ring at once.
Rhino: There are a couple of things to this match to consider. If Bret locks in the Sharpshooter, he doesn’t have to let go. Also, if DDP and Bret Hart lose, Madusa has to get the stinkface! That sucks! Ain’t no one gonna want to kiss her then! Not even me! Actually, I don’t want to kiss her. I just want to suck her.
Mark: Well, as my friend Rhino here has wet dreams dancin’ around his head, Austin is comin’ over here. Looks like he’s got something to say. Take a cold shower, Rhino.
(Austin grabs the mic)
Austin: The Bottom Line is this: Diamond Dallas Page…Bret Hart….Your asses belong to Stone Cold and Rikishi. We will stomp mudholes in them and walk ’em dry and become the Number one Contenders because Stone Cold said so!
(Passes mic to Rikishi)
Rikishi: It’s time to back that ass up! Back it up right in the face of your bitch!
Mark: I never heard Rikishi curse like that before.
Rhino: Maybe Austin had him down a few beers before coming out here.
Mark: Well, Austin & Rikishi have had their say and now, by the sound of that music, DDP & The Hitman are on their way!
(Self Hive-Five plays as DDP and Bret Hart make there way to the ring…)
Rhino: Looks like they got something to say as they make their way to the ring because they both got sticks.
Mark: I think we will see this a lot tonight. No wrestler can resist runnin’ their mouth.
DDP: You know, Rikishi, I don’t know you. But Austin, I do know you. I also know that The Stunner is nothing more that a cheap Diamond Cutter rip-off, Jack-o! So Austin….Rikishi….IT’S TIME FOR YOU TWO TO FEEL THE BANG!
Hart: Austin, me and you got unfinished business from the WWF so I guess it’s time for you two to find out why I AM, THE BEST THERE IS, THE BEST THERE WAS, AND THE BEST THERE EVER WILL BE!
Mark: The bell sounds as all four men are face to face.
Rhino: Mark, I hope they destroy each other. I couldn’t stand all that catch-phrase pluggin’ from earlier.
Mark: DDP and Rikishi have gone to fight on the outside as Bret Hart and Steve Austin are in the ring…
Rhino: This reminds me of Wrestlemania 13. With these two face to face. Will Austin be a screaming, bloody heap like he was in that match if Bret locks the Sharpshooter on?
Mark: It don’t look like that now because Stone Cold is beating the cash SHIT out of Bret Hart! Rights and lefts everywhere! Bret Hart ducks the right and is now hammering in to him!
Rhino: Where are Rikishi and DDP? I can’t see them anywhere.
Mark: European Uppercut. Hart grabs Austin. Reverse Atomic Drop! Bret has Stone Cold down and in some pain. Here come Rikishi and DDP out from the entrance way now.
Rhino: It looks like DDP has busted Rikishi open. Now, since Rikishi is obviously fat, is that blood or barbecue sauce?
Mark: Please, Rhino. You know it’s barbecue sauce. All four men are in the ring. DDT by Rikishi on DDP! Bret with a quick stomach stomp on Austin. He follows up with the Figure Four! Rikishi sees his partner in trouble and breaks the hold!
Rhino: Wait a minute. Here comes Madusa! She has entered the ring wearing a drop dead sexy leather dominatrix outfit! I think I just came to attention!
Mark: I think you just came. That wasn’t thunder, Madusa just slapped the hell out of Rikishi! Rikishi is pissed off now! She knows she’s in trouble. Look at her back up! Uh-Oh, she just fell in the corner!
Rhino: Mark, Rikishi has that look on his face! Madusa knows what she’s in for and look at her panic! Don’t do it Rikishi! Don’t do it!
Mark: STINK FACE on Madusa! Madusa’s face just disappeared into Rikishi’s ass!
Rhino: No one will ever want to kiss Madusa again!
Mark: DDP comes at Rikishi. DDP just got a body avalanche! I thought Vader was the only person who did that! Austin and Bret are going toe to toe…
Rhino: How are they going toe to toe when they’re beating the snot out of each other?
Mark: Austin with a kick to Bret Hart. Stunner! The Stone Cold Stunner! Bret Hart is no stranger to that move and he just got re-aquainted with an old friend!
Rhino: With a friend like that, who needs an enemy? Rikishi just hit one hell of a superkick on DDP! Austin and Rikishi are in control and now they look up to no good.
Mark: They drag DDP and Bret Hart in to the corner. They just put Bret Hart and DDP beside each other. Rikishi climbs to the middle turnbuckle. This looks familiar. It’s that BIG ASS DROP! Shades of Yokozuna! Cover! 1….2….3! Steve Austin and Rikishi are the winners!
Rhino: Have you ever seen one guy pin two with just his ass? Hey, the lights have gone out in the arena. You forget to pay for electricity, Mark? Something is going on in the ring.
Mark: The Lights are back on. That’s Kane and the Undertaker! They have laid out Rikishi and Stone Cold! Wait, there’s Trish Stratus. She wants a mic.
Rhino: She can have anything she wants. Please ask for me, Trish.
Trish: Ladies and Gentlemen. I present to you THE MEN OF HELL.
Rhino: The Men Of Hell are here and they have just laid out the number one contenders to the tag titles! The question is are they part of DX or did they just feel like kickin’ ass?
Mark: I think they just felt like kickin’ ass. I didn’t hire these guys. Triple H is commish and doesn’t have the power to sign these guys. That only leaves….damn it. Well, he still hits me these pleasant surprises.
Rhino: Mark, do you hear that music?
Mark: That is the same psychotic music Sid used in the WWF. Is he here in the arena? Yes, he is! ITS SID! ITS SID! I got a strong feeling he’s gonna go psycho! He makes a bee line to the ring walking right past the Men Of Hell like they weren’t even there! Trish holds her men back and is watching the carnage. Sid steps over the ropes and he’s going after DDP and Bret Hart. He picks them up DOUBLE CHOKESLAM TO HART AND DDP! Sid is in the zone! Look at Trish, I think she’s enjoying this! Sid hooks Diamond Dallas Page and there’s a PowerBomb for DDP! He hooks the Hitman. A PowerBomb for the best there is, was and ever will be!
Rhino: There’s another story here. Look at the way Trish is eyeing Sid. I wish she would look at me like that! What now? Sid goes to the outside. He’s looking under the ring. He’s bringing out the funiture! He has a couple of tables and a ladder! He slides it all in the ring. What does this psycho have in his demented mind? Austin and Rikshi have come out the ring. There going after the Men Of Hell! They’re all fighting outside of the ring! Austin’s fighting Taker, Kane is fighting Rikishi! The refs and security have poured out of the ring to try and break this chaos apart! Trish is still on that ramp! Look at her! She is absolutely hypnotized by what Sid is doing! I wish I were Sid and had a sexy ass woman like that looking at me.
Mark: I don’t think he knows, Rhino, when he gets in this mind set, He is only all about dishing out the pain!
Rhino: Sid is setting up something here. He lays Bret Hart on the bottom table. He puts a table on top of the other one. What is he gonna do?
Mark: He has got the ladder now. He setting it up. He picks up DDP and he is bringing DDP up with him. DDP is completely out. His legs seem to still go on instinct. He’s leading him up to the top of the ladder. There up both up on the ladder! What the hell is Sid gonna do?
Rhino: Sid’s hooking DDP. What the hell? Is he hooking him up for a PowerBomb? No way! I think Sid is modifying a type of PowerBomb. How is he gonna pull this off? He’s gonna need to hook him and toss him in some way possible. Is he gonna do it? Can he do it? He’s got him hooked! He tossed him! HOLY SHIT!
Mark: SID JUST MOTHERFUCKIN’ POWERBOMBED DDP THROUGH TWO TABLES AND THROUGH BRET
HART! JESUS CHRIST! HE HAS JUST DESTROY THE TEAM OF DDP AND BRET HART!
Rhino: Sid has that crazy look on his face, Mark. He’s standing on the ladder laughing at what he just did. A psychotic, demented laugh. I tell you, Mark, he did it. He did it in everyone’s face. Madusa is still down from that Stink Face. I Think Rikishi actually twisted her neck a little in that move. She didn’t even see her men get wasted! Maybe it’s for the better because Sid is completely out of it! The EMT’s are helping Hart and Page out via stretcher. Hell, you might as well use body bags. Those guys ain’t coming back no time soon.
Mark: It’s this type of thing that makes people pee in their pants whenever the name “Sid” is mentioned. Man! Sid is a complete monster! Oh shit. Rhino, Sid is coming over here. I ain’t running. He might give chase.
Rhino: Me nether. I ain’t doing nothin’ more to provoke this man into doing anything.
Mark: What the? Is that “My Time?” Is Chyna coming out to take advantage of Madusa and have the Dominatrix Match here and now?
(Commercial break ends)
(Following Mark/Rhino comments written by RockNSock4000 & edited by me)
Mark: Welcome back everyone to TUESDAY NIGHT CARNAGE! I’m Mark along side as always by the man they call RHINO.
Rhino: Yes, it’s me. The man who fears nothing and the greatest color commentator that is, RHINO. Lawler sucks! He can’t see me!
Mark: We will finally find out just WHO THE FTW Champion will be as well as have great matches on the card made by that psycho hot dog vendor VP known as Purgatory. Will it be my boy Justin Credible or will it be The 1-2-3 Kid, the Road Dogg or that so-called Boy Toy HBK?
Rhino: I’m Picking THE EXTREME Underdog: The 1-2-3 Kid to come out on top and prove everyone wrong and become the FTW Champ.
Mark: Well, I’m pickin’ Justin because he’s not just the coolest, best, or just incredible; he’s my friend. I guess it’s now or never for the EWA athletes as we await the next match with Sid over here commentating with us!
(From here on, results are all me)
Chyna vs. Madusa
Mark: We have had straight chaos on this Tuesday so far. The Vice President just made one heck of a match, Madusa has just received the Rikishi stinkface and now, it looks like our Dominatrix Match is next!
Rhino: When Madusa came down in that outfit, I suddenly grew a little. Now, “My Time” is playing and I see Chyna coming down in her outfit. I can’t take this much more. Madusa is distracting. Chyna is distracting. If that isn’t enough, Sid is here. Sid, why have you decided to stay?
Sid: You want to know?
Sid: YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?
Rhino: (cautious) Yeah.
Sid: I am destroying DX tonight. Chyna is next. I don’t care if she’s female. She helped Triple H at Total Destruction. She and those who helped him signed their own death warrant. DX and anybody else I choose will get and encounter with Sid they will never forget.
Mark: What about the statement Triple H made, Sid? If you interfere in any DX match, you’re fired?
Sid: Triple H won’t dare fire me. He may be commissioner, but you are President and Purgatory is Vice President. Would you let Triple H fire me because he said so?
Mark: Good point. Chyna is dressed to kill and so is Madusa. Chyna has made her way in the ring and the bell has rung and look at Chyna work!
Rhino: Chyna may be dressed to kill but right now, it looks like she’s just gonna settle with stompin’ Madusa into the mat!
Mark: Chyna, stomping away and man! Did you hear the smack of that whip on Madusa’s leg?
Sid: I heard it. I also heard the screams of one Madusa. Soon, Chyna will be screaming for mercy. Not from Madusa. It will be from me.
Rhino: You…never mind, I won’t go there. Madusa has been totally wasted by Chyna and has had no offense!
Mark: Chyna picks up Madusa. DDT! Chyna lays in another smack of the whip! Madusa shrieks in pain!
Rhino: How can some people enjoy this? I just like seeing naked chicks. I prefer the all up on me but seeing them is good too. Hey Sid, speaking of chicks, did you notice Trish Stratus lookin’ at you like a tasty meal? I think she wants you.
Sid: I really don’t know what Trish wants. She manages The Undertaker and Kane. She may want to manage the three biggest and most dangerous men in the EWA to form a real unstoppable force. She may want more. We will wait and see.
Mark: Chyna has straight beat the livin’ crap out of Madusa with those whip shots. I bet Madusa has whelps underneath that leather. Chyna, picking up Madusa. She ties it around Madusa’s neck. What is she gonna do? Chyna running with Madusa and the whip. Man! She snapmared Madusa using the whip over the top rope and did you see how
Madusa snapped from the reaction?
Rhino: It looks like Madusa got hung! I think she’s dead!
Mark: The ref goes to the outside and immediately checks on Madusa. He stops this match. Chyna has won it!
Rhino: She damn near killed Madusa if she isn’t dead already. She stands in the ring watching what she has done as the EMT’s make their way down to the ring. She may want to grow some eyes in the back of her head because Sid is on the move!
Mark: As soon as the bell rung, Sid stood straight up. Now he has a 2 by 4 in his hands. He sneaks in the ring. Chyna has no idea he’s there!
Rhino: Turn around, Chyna! Turn around!
Mark: Chyna’s concern is focused more on Madusa. Damn! Her focus just got shot to shit because Sid just broke that board over Chyna’s head!
Rhino: Sid is gone! Look at his eyes, man! The lights are on, but no one’s home!
Mark: Sid picks up Chyna’s lifeless body. Now what? POWERBOMB! Sid just powerbombed the ninth wonder of the world! I think Chyna’s insides were busted up from that one bomb. She’s spitting up blood.
Rhino: You don’t have to be conscious to spit up blood. I’m not surprised she is spitting blood up. Sid put some serious force behind that PowerBomb.
Mark: Sid has the whip now. OUCH! Sid is trying to whip Chyna into shape! The shape of swollen human flesh!
Rhino: Chyna is out! She’s not screaming or anything! You can see she hasn’t moved since that Powerbomb and now those smacks of the whip aren’t making her move at all! She is gonna wake up screaming in pain.
Mark: Additional EMT’s have come down for Chyna and security and referees have now come down to try and stop Sid’s assault but they can’t come near him because of the whip in his hands. What the? The lights have dimmed and…(sounding disappointed) oh boy, here comes EWA World Heavyweight champion; Triple H.
Rhino: The commish and EWA World Heavyweight champ is on his way out. He must be nuts! Sid is looking for him and now he’s coming out? He is either crazy or he has an idea. He also has a stick. No surprise here.
HHH: Sid, you have done something that you should have never done. You have made this personal!
Rhino: Sid is a psycho, commish. He’s pissed ’cause you screwed him at Total Destruction!
HHH: Sid, it’s no secret that I am The Game. It’s no secret that I beat your ass for this belt all by myself at Total Destruction. it’s no secret that I am that damn good. Sid, what you fail to realize is that I am also the EWA commissioner and I could fire your ass in a heartbeat!
Mark: Just try it.
HHH: I said if you interfere in a DX match tonight, you were gone and gone for good! That still stands. I personally hope that you don’t interfere because after you did what you did to Chyna, I look forward to ending your wrestling career just like I did to Mick Foley! (Crowd chants Foley even though he doesn’t wrestle here)
Rhino: Foley? He don’t work here. I guess it don’t matter. People like and hate who they want. Sid has the mic now.
Sid: Do you think I care about anything you say, “champ?” Do you think I care what you do to me, “commish?” Do you think I listen to authority, Helmsely? Look, then. Look at the monitor about you to see what I do to authority.
Mark: Triple H is looking at EWA’s Hardcore Theater. Looks like we’re looking at a hospital room.
Rhino: AAAHHHH! It’s a mummy! Run for it!
Mark: That’s no mummy. That’s Vince McMahon! He’s been wrapped in a full body cast! Sid has decimated Vinnie Mac! Look at Triple H’s face! Looks like he’s gonna piss in his pants!
Rhino: Triple H is looking very cautious now. What the? The Vince image just got cut off by the Y2J countdown! I guess this means the Sledgehammer match is next!
Triple H Vs Chris Jericho
If Jericho wins, he gets a World title shot at the upcoming ppv
Mark: The Y2J countdown has started and we are about to get extreme!
Rhino: These two are no strangers to each other and Jericho arrives in 5…4…3…2…1…
Mark: The lights go out. Cover your ears, Rhino. BOOM! The pyro goes off big time and here comes Y2J!
Rhino: Haven’t I seen this somewhere before? This isn’t the WWF, people! Damn! How many times we gotta say it! I do know this; where’s Sid? he was just in the ring a few seconds ago before the lights went out.
Mark: I don’t know where Sid is but I know Jericho has jumped Triple H at the entry way! These two are beatin’ the crap out of each other!
Rhino: This may not be WWF, but these two are picking up right where they left off right here, right now!
Mark: They are going head up and now, Jericho is getting the better of the game! Kick his ass, Chris!
Rhino: I thought play by play guys were supposed to be neutral.
Mark: I don’t give a fuck. I hate that long-nosed bastard. Jericho has beaten Triple H all the way to the ring. He rolls Triple H in the ring. Jericho rolls in after him. Triple H looks to be trying to run away. Jericho grabs him. Irish Whip. Spinning elbow! What a knockdown! Jericho goes to the ropes. Lionsault! Jericho goes for the cover and what the? The Y2J countdown is starting again. What gives?
Rhino: You need glasses, Mark. That clearly says Sledgehammer Location. I guess we’re gonna find out where Purg hid the hammer. We will find out in 5…4…3…2…1…
(The lights dim and Hardcore Theater shows Purg’s Vendor Stand)
Purg: What the hell? You guys want something? Come back and get it! I am not an animal! I am a man!
Mark: Purg, where’s the Sledgehammer?
Rhino: Yeah man. And where’s my CheesePurger?
Purg: Ummmm….I forgot where I hid it!
Mark: What? That is what made this match so interesting! Wait a minute. What the hell is that?
Rhino: That extremely long brown thing behind you. It looks like a huge hot dog bun.
Purg: It is. I didn’t order this.
(The vice prez/vendor checks the bun. He looks closer. He opens the bun and pulls out the Sledgehammer)
Purg: Okay, damn it. Who’s the wise ass?
Mark: The Sledgehammer was in a giant hot dog bun?
Rhino: The Sledgehammer was in a giant hot dog bun and covered in mustard. there’s only one guy strange enough to do that. Our VP who can’t play off anything. He knows he did it.
Mark: I also know that the lights have come up, Jericho is on the outside all of the sudden, and Triple H is standing in the ring with a chair. It’s a safe bet Hunter came out here during the Sledgehammer location thing, grabbed a chair, and gave Mr. Y2J a S-E-A-T.
Rhino: Jericho is out on the floor and now, Triple H is on the move. He goes out and pushes the top half of the steel steps off. He’s going back to Jericho. Triple H has Jericho now. He’s on those steps with Jericho. Is he gonna Pedigree him on the steps? Hell yeah!
Mark: Triple H plants Jericho with the Pedigree on the steel steps! Jericho has to be out! This match is over right now! Triple H has this one in the books! What the hell? Where’s Triple H going? He’s leaving? Triple H is leaving? Why is he leaving? Is he quitting this match?
Rhino: I don’t think so, Mark. I think he’s gonna pay a certain vendor a visit to get a specific weapon covered in mustard and soon covered in Jericho’s blood.
Mark: Triple H is heading back now. Our cameras are following him. I hope we can hear what Triple H and the VP have to say. Okay we’re almost there….
HHH: Where the hell is that psycho at? Where is he, damn it! Okay, you crazy son of a bitch, where’s the hammer?
Purg: Good question, Hunter. I ain’t seen Greg Valentine since way back in the day.
HHH: Don’t screw with me! You know damn well what I am talking about!
Purg: Well then, say it!
HHH: Where is the damn Sledgehammer?
Purg: Oh that. Some guy took it.
HHH: What guy? AAAAHHGGHHH!!!
Purg: That guy.
(Camera cuts back to ring)
Rhino: Triple H was just nailed by the Sledgehammer by Sid! The comments made to him involving Tazz must’ve pushed him over the edge as if he was ever on one! The hunter was just hunted down!
Mark: Sid nailed Triple H right in his back! Now’s your chance, Jericho. Get up!
Rhino: Triple H may be out cold and all Jericho has to do is get up and go back to pin Triple H!
Mark: Jericho is digging deep and he is up on his feet now! Jericho is wobbly and slow but he is aware of what happened and is now making his way to the back! We’re following Jericho back as he makes his way to the VP vendor spot. Okay, we’re almost there. Jericho arrives and….where’s Sid? Where’s Purg? The only one there is Helmsely. Jericho goes to pick Hunter up. No! Hunter reverses into a small package! 1! 2! 3! It’s over! Triple H just pulled a win out of his ass!
Rhino: Triple H just got a pin on Jericho and look at Jericho complain about the fast count!
Mark: That count did seem fast to me. Wait a minute, there’s the 1-2-3 Kid. He said something to Jericho and look at this! We got another fight on our hands!
Rhino: Jericho and The Kid are tearin’ it up in the back stage and this is not good for The Kid! He’s got a match coming up against Road Dogg, Shawn Michaels, and Justin Credible which is gonna happen…what? Right now?
“Lights Out” Fatal Four Elimination Match for the FTW Championship
Road Dogg Vs Justin Credible Vs Shawn Michaels Vs The 1-2-3 Kid
Mark: It’s crunch time. 4 men will come into the match. The guy who isn’t knocked the hell out wins the FTW World Championship title. Fuck the World, it’s all about what I want. That is what the FTW belt is all about.
Rhino: Every match beforehand has come to this. Every match has somehow involved Sid. I expect to things to come of this match: Someone’s getting knocked out and somehow, Sid will factor into this match.
(The sounds of dog barks play over the P.A.)
Mark: Where my dawgs at? I don’t know but Road Dogg is coming down and he looks pretty focused.
Rhino: Road Dogg is looking ready as ever. He has a mic so I guess he’s gonna say whatever.
Mark: Road Dogg is gonna bark like a dawg he is and speak his mind.
Road Dogg: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Dogg House! (Crowd cheers) It’s me, It’s me, It’s that D-O double G kicking it so viciously! So let me just once again say, much to my competitor’s dismay, that….ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages. The EWA proudly brings to you, it’s one true FTW Heavyweight champion of the wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd….The Road Dogg Jesse James! (More cheers) Now to the dismay of the chumps three, they got to face the D-O double G. I will be the FTW champ because those three suffer from menstrual cramps. When it’s all done and the chumps three are sad. I got to words for them all and those two are TOO BAD!
Rhino: Umm….is that Road Dogg, Eminem, or Vanilla Ice? Vanilla Ice. (laughs)
(Boy Toy plays over the P.A.)
Mark: We can discuss that later. Right now, here comes the Icon! The Show Stopper, The Main Event, The Boy Toy, The Heartbreak Kid, The Original Degenerate….
Rhino: The man with too many nicknames, Shawn Michaels! He’ pretty good but no where near what he was when he was a Rocker. The Rockers rule!
Mark: HBK is coming down with one thing in mind: Get the FTW belt by knocking everyone the hell out with some Sweet Chin Music. HBK is in the ring and the pyro blasts off! HBK is as charismatic as ever and he looks as ready as he has ever been for any match! Unfortunately, he has to go against my favorite in this match….
(Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck blasts over the P.A.)
Rhino: This guy CAN snap his fingers and just like that, snap your neck. He’s not just the coolest, he’s not just the best, he’s….
Both: JUSTIN CREDIBLE!
Mark: Rhino, I got a real good feeling that this man is gonna win it all here. No, I ain’t gonna pull no McMahon/Helmsely crap here; it’s just that I have that much confidence in Justin Credible.
Rhino: He has proven in a short amount of time that he is a force to be reckoned with here in the EWA.
Mark: Justin stands on the ropes, tongue out and cane up! The crowd is giving him major heat!
Rhino: It’s nowhere near the heat Justin is giving Shawn. He’s burnin’ a hole in Shawn with that stare and Shawn is burning one right back into Credible! I think these two are personal now. Look for these to focus tearing a new ass on the other because these two are gonna forget everyone else and go straight to war.
(“Kings Of Rock (DX Mix)” by Run DMC starts to play over the P.A.)
Mark: Justin and HBK are ready to tear into each other. Road Dogg is set to go as well as the final competitor makes his way to the ring.
Rhino: The Kid may have got booted by DX but he still uses this music to tick them off. Where is he?
Mark: His music has started again. I, along with everyone here, have to wonder where is The Kid?
Rhino: Hardcore Theater is on. There he is….lying in a pool of blood? Uck!
Mark: I think that’s own blood, Rhino. Holy shit, it’s Sid. Sid has struck again. Sid has struck this time against X-Pac and with the Sledgehammer!
Sid: Ring the bell….
Rhino: Ring the bell? What’s he talking about?
Sid: DID YOU HEAR ME, YOU STUPID REFEREE? RING THE DAMN BELL!
Mark: Well, the bell has rung and Justin and HBK go straight for each other! They are trying to kill each other! You were right, Rhino, this thing has gotten personal between these two!
Rhino: Even Road Dogg is a bit surprised. What did Sid just say?
Sid: COUNT THE 1-2-3 KID OUT, REFEREE!
Mark: Well, the ref is running to the back, Road Dogg finally takes action and heads outside. All 3 men are fighting now! It’s total chaos! They all roll back in. They all are bringin’ Thing-style clobbering time in this exchange!
Rhino: Leave it up to a comic book geek to bring up a Fantastic 4 reference.
Mark: Hey, comics kick ass and that is what’s happening in that ring right now! Ooohh! Road Dogg caught a shot there and he staggers out of the mix. What? A Double Clothesline by Credible and HBK? Well, that Kliq reunion lasted like 2 seconds. HBK and Credible are continuing this personal war they now seem to have!
Rhino: These two have absolutely tore into each other since second one of this match! I gotta good hunch that this war will not be over until one of these two are gone!
Announcement: The 1-2-3 Kid was unable to answer the 10 count. He is eliminated from this match-up!
Mark: We were so busy calling the action that we forgot to look at the Theater to see the Sid/Kid situation. The Kid has been eliminated thanks to Sid. This has been a real busy night for the EMT’s and here they come again. This time they are attending to The Kid. There’s only 1 more guy left!
Rhino: And that guy is locked in a war with Justin Credible right now!
Mark: HBK is getting the better of Credible. Grabs him. Reverse Atomic Drop! Justin just got his jewels busted! HBK grabs Justin as he turns his back in pain. Hey! He just used that old modified back drop he used to do when he was hangin’ with Sensational Sherri! I ain’t seen that move in a minute! Road Dogg is up now. Rushes HBK with a clothesline. Misses. HBK with a jab counter. A chop. European Uppercut. Drop-kick. C-C-C-C-C-COMBO! And that little chain of moves sends Road Dogg over the top and splat on the mat out here! I know this isn’t how Road Dogg wanted to get out here.
Rhino: Sid just said one of Shawn’s nicknames from Hardcore Theater. What does he want?
Mark: I don’t know, Rhino. I do know that HBK has completely stopped his offense in this match to see what Sid has to say.
Sid: You are the last one? (Laughs) YOU ARE THE LAST ONE? HBK GET READY! Get ready for Justice….
Rhino: Sid is coming down here. No doubt about it. He’s coming for HBK and there’s no DX to stop him! This is unfair! HBK has to deal with two prime athletes here. Now he possibly faces these two plus a monster? What kind of crap is this?
Mark: This is typical Sid. Not givin’ a damn about anything. Period. You want to tell Sid that what he’s doing is crap? Be my guest. I’ll be sure to visit all of your pieces in the hospital.
Rhino: No way. I ain’t that dumb.
Mark: Well, we are expecting Sid to come out here anytime now and this knowledge has forced HBK to step it up. Look at him go!
Rhino: HBK has turned up all the notches and he is trying to end this now so he can take cover from Sid. I know HBK is as good as it gets, but it’s hard to take on 3 men in one night in fights. HBK has to kick it up or risk an ass kickin.’
Mark: And HBK has done it here. He picked Justin up and tossed him over on the other side of the ring. Followed him out, and slammed him onto the concrete. Road Dogg has been laying here out the longest just staying up so he doesn’t get counted out. He’s taken full advantage of this personal war between Credible and Michaels.
Rhino: All he really has to do is just watch what goes on from a distance. Take a peek at what’s going on every now & then. Just wait until one of the one of the other guys get knocked out and then let them face a Dogg at full health.
Mark: HBK picks Justin up and sends him crashing into the steel steps! Ouch! HBK is actually heading back over here where Road Dogg fell out. He sees Road Dogg is healthy. Road Dogg is telling HBK to bring it and HBK more that happily obliges! They are firing of the punches and HBK gets the advantage. HBK tries to Irish Whip him into the guard rail. No! Reversal and HBK goes back first into the steel rail!
Rhino: HBK has back problems from landing wrong during a Casket Match with The Undertaker back in the WWF. That may come back to haunt him in this match.
Mark: He better hope that is not the case. HBK is struggling to his feet and Road Dogg is feeling the control of this match. They are near the International Announce Table. HBK is using the rail to get back up. Look at Road Dogg waiting to pounce. HBK is up. Road Dogg with a jab! Another! And another!
Rhino: Aw he’s jukin’ and jivin’ now!
Mark: Road Dogg is winding up for the knockdown. He swings. HBK ducks and counters with a back suplex right onto the International Announcing Table!
Rhino: There are about 25 countries saying “ouch” in different languages!
Mark: The table didn’t give way either. Road Dogg sorta just bounced then slid. Oh crap! HBK just got a Singapore Cane upside his head courtesy of Justin Credible! Where did he come from?
Rhino: After meeting the stairs, he got some unwanted sleep for a hot minute. Now, he’s up and on the prowl and beating the crap outta HBK! HBK is trying to crawl away but Credible is relentless!
Mark: Credible is beatin’ Shawn like he stole somethin’ and now Justin tosses the cane aside. HBK is struggling to get up from that beatin’ as Credible recites the cursin’ dictionary at him. Road Dogg is back up and favoring his neck. He’s hurt and doesn’t see Credible. Credible smacks his chin with a superkick! Road Dogg just went right back down! Justin turns back to HBK and man! HBK just unleashed SWEET CHIN MUSIC!
Rhino: HBK has been off target with that kick as of late. He’s been catchin’ wrestlers in places he doesn’t aim for. He caught Credible right in the heart and Justin went down almost instantly! It was almost a heart punch-type hit but with it being done with Chin Music. Oh shit. Speaking of music….
Mark: It’s the music of Sid. This time, it’s “Bottle Of Rage,” The last music he used in WCW before he came here to the EWA. Sid is hitting all his old tunes tonight.
Rhino: That shit don’t matter to HBK because any minute now, he’s gonna come out and hit HBK! Hit him until he breaks!
Mark: And here he comes! Listen to this crowd!
Rhino: What you say, Mark?
Mark: I said…never mind…Sid is on his way to the ring and look at HBK! Looks like he’s about to pee in his tights!
Rhino: Look at HBK as Sid makes his way down. HBK looks like he’s gonna go potty all over himself!
Mark: I just said something like that, Rhino!
Rhino: Speak louder, Mark! I can’t hear your ass!
Mark: Forget it, Rhino! Sid is down here at the ring and HBK is avoiding him at all cost! Sid is giving chase and HBK has ran from over here near the announce tables and HBK has now ran backstage!
Rhino: He was so worried about Sid, he ran out of this match! Sid is still stalking after him! In the meantime, we have Justin Credible and Road Dogg batting it out over here. Road Dogg punches Credible. Another jab! And another! He’s jukin’ and jivin’ and this time he connects with the big right!
Mark: Road Dogg has had an uphill battle ever since he has dropped neck first on the table. He’s calling for the Pumphandle Slam!
Rhino: If he hooks Justin out here and plants him on the mat out here, he has a good shot of knocking the heartbreaker the hell out!
Mark: Road Dogg grabs Justin but ooohhh! Counter! A very unpleasant counter!
Rhino: The Great Equalizer known as the Low Blow comes out to play here and now the Dogg’s bark will definitely be more poodle-like in sound.
Mark: Justin is now up. He’s hooking Road Dogg over here. Not a Pumphandle Slam! Look out!
(Brief Pause because of Justin Pumphandle Slam on Road Dogg onto….)
Rhino: Mark, can you hear me?
Mark: I can hear you. Can you hear me?
Rhino: Yeah. I wonder if we can still be heard by the others?
Mark: I don’t know if the broadcast can still be heard. Our table was just completely shattered by Justin who just Pumphandle slammed Road Dogg right through this mother! Man! Justin is feelin’ the FTW belt come his way. Justin is up and….where’s he going? Rhino, where’s my main bro going?
Rhino: I don’t know. Uh-oh. He has the cane! He’s gonna go and work on Dogg now! No, he isn’t. Where he’s going?
Mark: He’s headed towards the back! He’s gonna finish this thing between himself and HBK once and for all! Yeah! That’s the way me and my boy handle our business!
Rhino: Justin is gonna either end HBK’s career or lose his by trying. When tonight ends, two men will be remembered hunting down DX tonight and taking it to them: Sid and Justin Credible.
Mark: We are following Justin backstage here. The ref is laying the count on Road Dogg over here. We are trying to call 2 things at once here. Rhino, you call what’s happening to Road Dogg over here. I will keep an eye on the Credible situation on Hardcore Theater.
Rhino: Nothing new on this end, Mark. A ref is down here laying the count down on the Dogg here. 5….6….7….8….9….Road Dogg manages to drag himself to his feet at 9 and a half! Unbelievable! The Dogg’s still in it!
Mark: He’s in it and Justin’s in the back looking for HBK. He knows where the DX locker room is so he’s going their first. If HBK is in there, he’d better watch out. Credible boots down the door! He’s looking for HBK but no one is in there. He’s combing that extravagant locker room from top to bottom looking for HBK. He’s not in the bathroom. Not in the dining area. Not behind the bar. He’s not the DX dressing room so he’s heading out. Look out, Justin! Triple H is out there! He’s waiting for you to come out of the room!
Rhino: I thought Sid took him out of the whole Tuesday Night Carnage situation!
Mark: Damn it. I got to warn him. Justin is still taking last looks to make sure that he didn’t miss anything. I might still have time. Give me a mic that can tap to the backstage area. Hurry up!
Rhino: You better hurry because Justin seems to be on his way out of the room!
Mark: Justin! Justin! Can you hear me? It’s me, Mark! Justin! Look out! Triple H is….shit!
Rhino: You were too late, Mark! Justin came out, got tapped on the shoulder, kicked in the gut and got a face-first splat by Triple H and the Pedigree right onto the floor! Man! I know something is broken on Justin. It has to be!
Mark: Bullshit. Pure and simple bullshit. Commissioner H told Sid not to interfere in DX matches but yet he does it int this one.
Rhino: Well, we got a ref there counting Justin out. 5….6….7….8….9….10! Justin has lost this match thanks to Triple H!
Mark: Nah man, that’s a bunch of shit. Gimme that mic. Hey Sid!
Rhino: What the hell? Is he calling Sid to come here?
Mark: Sid? Can you hear me? It’s Mark. Go ahead and interfere to your hearts’ desire in this match. Go ahead and stick your nose in DX business. If Triple H wants to bullshit tonight, I can too.
HHH: (Yells into camera) Don’t screw with me, Mark! I’m comin’down there right now and when I get down there, you better not be there!
Rhino: Looks like Hunter has chosen his game! He’s comin’ down here to beat your ass, Mark!
Mark: He better not, Rhino. He better recognize real fast as to who hired who.
Rhino: Yeah. Triple H is drunk with power and been pissin’ people of with it ever since. Damn, that was quick. “My Time” has kicked up and I guess we will see Triple H anytime now. Yep, there he is.
Mark: He better not come down here and start some shit.
Rhino: Well, like it or not, he is coming down. Mark has got up here and has left was left of our announce table. He’s gone over to Triple H and they are arguing. No doubt it is about what went down earlier. Road Dogg is in the ring now watching the argument.
Announcement: HBK has failed to answer the 10 count and is unable to continue! The winner and the ONE FTW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION; THE ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES!
Rhino: Road Dogg has won this one! He’s won it! A ref has come in and given him the FTW belt and Road Dogg raises it! He has won it! He’s the one FTW champion after all this drama came down on the DX! Triple H has grabbed a mic and walked to the opposite side of the ring. Mark has followed him. What’s gonna happen here?
HHH: I don’t know who’s runnin’ shit back there, but what the hell happen to Shawn? Show me and show me now!
Rhino: As if on cue, the Hardcore Theater kicks up. There’s HBK….and there’s Sid! Sid has taken out HBK! HBK is a bloody mess! Sid has struck again! HBK has been knocked the fuck out by Sid! Whoa, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Mark is laughing at Triple H! He I can’t believe it! He’s either stupid, brave, or has a death wish! Yep. Thought that would happen. Triple H just Pedigreed the boss. He just planted him. Stupid bastard. Oh Shit. I hear that heartbeat. I see that number 13. I see Tazz at the entryway! I see him coming down here! Triple H is about to have company! Look at the Game try to maintain his attitude and not looked frightened. He knows that his ass is about to be whipped! Tazz just walked right past Triple H like he wasn’t even there. He gets in the ring with the Dogg! What’s gonna happen here? Tazz is extending his hand. He wants to shake the hand of the new FTW Heavyweight Champion. There it is and the crowd is
cheering like mad! Wait a minute! Tazzmission! It was all a plan! Tazz was the person to introduce the FTW championship to the world and now he’s choking out the champion! Look at Triple H laugh as he walks away. Tazz has locked the Tazzmission on Road Dogg and we got officials coming down to try and break this up. It looks like the Game has ruled once again. Tazz is trying to squeeze Road Dogg’s head off! The prez is down from a Pedigree! Triple H has avoided Sid to come out on top in the end of this Carnage! For the knocked out prez and the gloating commish, this is Rhino saying….wait a minute. Triple H just collapsed from outside the entryway. He’s out! There’s Sid! Sid has struck! Look at the dent in that chair! Triple H has just been knocked the hell out by Sid! We’re out of time! See you guys next event!