Payback 2001 (09-22-01)
Mark:Welcome everyone to PAYBACK… We are here live in Anaheim, California for tonights Pay Per View… My name is Mark and I am alongside as always with Rhino…
Rhino:Mark tonight is gonna be one hell of an evening… I am looking forward to it tonight…
Mark:Tonight Blake Bennit will be putting the eWa World Heavyweight Title on the line against Booker T in a spin the wheel match…
Rhino:Who is gonna be the sucka… We will find that one out tonight… I believe Blake will get the job done tonight…
Mark:Also tonight The Rock battles Triple H in a Thunder Doom Match…
Rhino:The Rock will lay the smackdown on his candy ass tonight…
Mark:We have a Hardcore Theatre match tonight for the eWa Tag Team Titles… And we also have many other matches to get to… So lets head to the ring to begin tonights action…
Most Blood Match
Kevin Nash vs Tazz
Pa Announcer:The opening match tonight is the Most Blood Match… The way to the win is make your opponent bleed… Introducing first… From The red hook section of Brooklyn, New York… Weighing in at 240 Pounds… TAZZ…
(“Survive” hits as Tazz makes his way to the ring…)
Pa Announcer: His opponent… From Detroit, Michigan… Weighing in at 320 Pounds… KEVIN NASH…
(“Wolfpac” hits as Kevin Nash makes his way down the isle…)
Mark:Tazz attacks Nash as he enters the ring… Tazz delivers clubbing forearms to Kevin Nash… Nash is straddling the top rope and Tazz nails him with a clothesline…
Rhino:Tazz is going to the outside for a weapon I believe…
Mark:Tazz now brings in a baseball bat and a steel chair… Tazz now sends Nash in to the ropes and nails him with a clothesline with the baseball bat… Tazz now picks up the steel chair and is driving it in to the chest of Kevin Nash…
Rhino:It looks like to me that Tazz is a bit more pissed off then he usually is…
Mark:Tazz now is trying to hook Nash for a T-Bone Tazzplex and he does and he connects with it on to Kevin Nash…Tazz now is delivering clubbing forearms to the face of Nash…
Rhino:Tazz goes back to the outside….
Mark:Tazz now has a mirror and brings it back it in to the ring with him… Tazz goes behind Nash and has locked in the Tazzmission…
Rhino:He doesnt have to make him tap out… He has to make him BLEED…
Mark:Kevin Nash is out and now Tazz has the mirror and smashes it across the face of Kevin Nash…
Rhino:Kevin Nash is busted open…
Mark:The Ref stops the Match… The Blood is coming out of the head of Nash… Tazz wins…
Pa Announcer:Here is your winner… TAZZ…
Rhino:Tazz is back on a roll here in the eWa…
Mark:Well the poll is being put up so I guess that means we are ready to start the Barbed Wire Board of Education Match…
Barbed Wire Board of Education Match
Billy Kidman vs Shane Douglas
Pa Announcer:This next match is set for one fall… And is a Bared Wire Board of Education Match… The first person to grab the board can use it… Introducing first… From Pittsburgh, Pa… Weighing in at 247 Pounds… The FRANCHISE… SHANE DOUGLAS…
(“Franchise” hits as Shane Douglas makes his way to the ring…)
Pa Announcer:His opponent from Allentown, Pa… Weighing in at 200 Pounds… BILLY KIDMAN…
(Kidman’s theme hits as he makes his way out…)
Mark:The bell sounds and Shane Douglas begins his trash talking… Shane Douglas slaps Billy Kidman across the face… Kidman now slaps Douglas across the face… Both men now trading blows back and forth…Kidman now sends Douglas in to the ropes… Reversal by Shane Douglas… Douglas now goes for a clothesline… Ducked by Kidman who goes off the ropes and nails Douglas with a flying forearm… Douglas to his feet… Dropkick by Kidman and down goes Douglas to the Outside…
Rhino:Douglas now goes to the Outside to slow down the pace of the match up… Smart Idea in my book…
Mark:Kidman goes for a plancha and Douglas though moves out of the way and Kidman goes face first in to the floor…
Rhino:Douglas just sent Billy Kidman hard in to the steel steps…
Mark:Douglas now rolls Kidman back in to the ring and now puts the boots to the crusierweight…Douglas sends him in to the ropes and a back body drop…
Rhino:Kidman went high in to the air…
Mark:Shane Douglas picks him up and scores with a piledriver… Covers him 1…………..2…………..Kickout by Billy Kidman… Douglas now is working on the lower back and nails him with a backbreaker… Douglas picks him up and slams him hard in to the canvas…
Rhino:Shane Douglas now is heading to the top rope for the Barbed Wire Board…
Mark:Kidman back to his feet and low blows Shane Douglas…
Rhino:Hey Ref… What about that low blow…
Mark:Powerbomb by Kidman on to Shane Douglas… Both men are down at the moment…
Rhino:Both men are trying to get back to their feet…
Mark:Both men now trading blows back and forth… Douglas sends Kidman in to the ropes… Kidman ducks the clothesline and nails him with a face buster…
Rhino:Kidman is now going after the Board…
Mark:Kidman grabs the board and is now waiting for Shane Douglas to get back up… Kidman off the top rope… Douglas moves… Douglas with a kick to the gut… Pittsburgh plunge…
Rhino:Kidman is out from the Pittsburgh Plunge…
Mark:Douglas now is whipping Kidman with the board…
Rhino:Kidman’s back is now busted open…
Mark:Douglas coves Kidman 1…………2………..3……
Pa Announcer:Here is your winner SHANE DOUGLAS…
Mark:Well as they help Kidman to the back… We are getting set for a weapon of choice match…
Weapon of Choice Match
Shawn Michaels vs Pip Master Pop
Pa Announcer:This next match is a Weapon of Choice Match… And is set for one fall… Introducing first… From Orlando, Florida… Weighing in at 194 Pounds… PIP MASTER POP…
(“Bye Bye Bye” hits as Pip Master Pop makes his way to the ring with a boom box…)
Pa Announcer:His opponent… From San Antonio, Texas… Weighing in at 227 Pounds… Representing Degeneration X… The Heartbreak Kid… SHAWN MICHAELS…
(“Boy Toy” hits as Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring with a sledgehammer…)
Rhino:Im surprised Shawn is coming out here with a sledgehammer…
Mark:Why’s that…
Rhino:I thought he would bring a ladder out with him… Not The Games favorite weapon…
Mark:Well are you surprised Pip Master Pop brought out the boom box…
Rhino:No I thought he would bring that out to the ring…
Mark:The bell sounds though as Pip Master Pop goes right after HBK with right hands… Michaels now firing back with right hands of his own…Michaels now sends PMP in to the ropes and a back body drop…
Rhino:Look how high he flew in the air…
Mark:PMP back to his feet and Michaels with a hip toss… PMP back up and a scoop slam by HBK… HBK now sends him back in to the ropes and a powerslam… Cover by Michaels 1……………….2…………… Kick out by PMP…
Rhino:Michaels is now going for the Sledgehammer…
Mark:Michaels picks him up and nails him right in the head with the sledgehammer…
Rhino:That busted him open…
Mark:Michaels now drives the sledgehammer in to the chest of PMP…
Rhino:Michaels now has the boom box….
Mark:Now Michaels drives it in to the chest a few times of PMP…
Rhino:Michaels is calling for some sweet chin music…
Mark:Michaels picks him up and connects with the superkick…Cover 1……..2………….3….
Pa Announcer:Here is your winner SHAWN MICHAELS…
Mark:Well the ring is now set up for the boxing match…
Boxing Match
Jay Mack vs Devon LaRue
Pa Announcer:This next match is a Boxing match set for 15 Rounds… Introducing first… From… Miami, Florida… Weighing in at 275 pounds… The Real Deal JAY MACK…
(Jay’s Theme hits as he walks to the ring…)
Pa Announcer:His opponent… From Toronto, Canada… Weighing in at 245 Pounds… The Xtremeist Devon LaRue…
(Devon’s theme hits as he walks to the ring…)
Mark:As the competitors get ready to begin… Lets go through the tail of the tape… Jay Mack… Is 6’6″ 275 Pounds… While Devon LaRue is 6’4″ 245 Pounds…
Rhino:I give the height and wait advantage to the southpaw Jay Mack…
Mark:The ref goes over the final instructions… The competitors touch gloves and we are about to begin…
Rhino:This one should be good…
Mark:The Bell Sounds and the men come out fighting from their corners… Jay strikes first… With straight left jabs along with some right crosses… Jay now going at him with some upper cuts…
Rhino:Devon LaRue is trying to block some of Jay’s crosses…
Mark:Jay Mack is continuing to deliver left jabs to Devon LaRue…
Rhino:What a Hit by Jay Mack…
Mark:Strong Right Hook by Jay Mack and that knock Devon LaRue back… Left Upper Cut by Jay Mack…
Rhino:Down goes LaRue… Down Goes LaRue…
Ref:1…….2………3……4…….5………6…….7……….8….
Mark:Devon LaRue gets back up at the count of eight… Jay continues with left jabs and right crosses to Devon LaRue…
Rhino:Nice Left hook by Jay Mack…
Mark:Jay is continuing to assault Devon LaRue… Right Cross and down goes Devon LaRue…
Ref:1…….2……3…….4…………5……..6…….7………8………..9…….
Rhino:He just barely got up at nine did Devon LaRue…
Mark:About thirty seconds left in round one… Left Hook and down goes Devon LaRue… Its Over..
Rhino:Jay Mack just destroyed Devon LaRue in one round…
Pa Announcer:The winner by TKO… THE REAL DEAL JAY MACK…
Mark:Well as Jay Mack celebrates… Its time to go to the back for the pit fight…
Pit Fight
Shane Mack vs Chris Benoit
Mark:Well Chris Benoit and Shane Mack are now making their way over the cars as we begin this pit fight…
Rhino:We here at the eWa would like to thank Enterprise for letting us use these cars for tonights pit fight…
Mark:Well both men are ready for this match as they are starring down one another…
Rhino:Shane Mack is trying to follow in his brother’s footsteps… As Jay Mack just defeated Devon LaRue…
Mark:Benoit swings at Shane… Shane ducks and nails him with a straight right hand… Shane with a kick to the gut and he picks him up and slams him down to the canvas… Shane now is putting the boots to Benoit… Shane goes behind Benoit…Benoit goes behind him… Attempts a German Suplex… Blocked by Shane who nails Benoit with one…
Rhino:That will leave a bump on the head of Benoit…
Mark:Shane Mack now picks up the Crippler and slams him on to one of the cars… Shane Mack now delivering straight lefts and rights to Chris Benoit…
Rhino:The Crippler is getting an ass kicking by Shane Mack…
Mark:Shane Mack now is setting him up for a powerbomb…
Rhino:This could be all if he hits it…
Mark:Powerbomb off the car by Shane Mack…
Rhino:Shane is not done…
Mark:Shane Mack hits the after life… The ref has stopped the match…
Pa Announcer:Here is your winner SHANE MACK…
Rhino:Well both Mack Brothers were on a roll tonight…
Mark:Well from the pit to the Octagon…
eWa Championship Octagon Match
Jeff Jarrett(c) vs The Threat
Pa Announcer:This next match is an Octagon Match for the eWa Championship… Introducing first… The Challeneger… From Atlanta, Georgia… Weighing in at 278 Pounds… THE THREAT…
(“Let The Bodies Hit The Floor” hits as The Threat makes his way to the Octagon…)
Pa Announcer:His opponent… From Music City, USA weighing in at 247 pounds… The eWa Champion… The Chosen One… JEFF JARRETT…
(“Chosen One” hits as Double J walks to the Octagon…)
Mark:The Bell Sounds and The Threat goes right after Jeff Jarrett with a football Tackle and is nailing him with right hands… JJ rolls over and is now hammering in at The Threat with right hands… Now The Threat rolls over and is now back in control…
Rhino:Both men trying to get some type of advantage in the early going…
Mark:Jeff Jarrett now pushes him off and now both men back to their feet… The Chosen One and The Threat now lock up… The Threat goes behind him… JJ goes behind and is now pushing The Threat in to the cage… The Threat climbs up the cage and now goes behind Jeff Jarrett… And The Threat now nails a Belly to Back suplex on to Jeff Jarrett… The Threat now grabs Jarrett’s arm and takes him down with a cross arm submission…
Rhino:The Threat now is driving his weight on to the left arm of the eWa Champion…
Mark:The Threat picks him up and hooks him with a hammerlock on Jeff Jarrett and he delivers a scoop slam to the champ… The Threat now goes back to the armbreaker… The Chosen One rolls through it…
Rhino:Both men back to a standing position now…
Mark:The Threat charges again and a leap frog by Jeff Jarrett who now clips the knee of The Threat… Jarrett now applying pressure to the left knee of the Threat…
Rhino:The Threat went after Jarrett’s arm… And now Jarrett is going after The Threat’s knee…
Mark:Jarrett drops an Elbow to the knee of The Threat… Single Leg Lock applied now…
Rhino:The Threat is screaming in pain as I say this…
Mark:Jarrett lets it go… Goes for it again… The Threat pushes him off in to the cage… And The Threat nails him with a russian leg sweep as he came off the cage… The Threat now goes for a crossface… Blocked by Jarrett who delivers a kick to the gut… The Stroke by the Chosen One…
Rhino:Thats his finishing move…
Mark:Jarrett is signaling for the Figure Four… The Threat goes for a small package but turns it in to an armbar submission…
Rhino:What a counter by The Threat…
Mark:Could Jarrett be on the verge of tapping… Jarrett is trying to stand up… Jarrett is using the cage for leverage…
Rhino:Jarrett gets out of the hold…
Mark:Elbow drop by Jarrett on to the knee… Jarrett goes for the stroke… Counter… LifLine… Caught by Jarrett… Dragon Screw…
Rhino:That can really injure a mans leg…
Mark:Jarrett now going for the figure four… The Threat Taps…
Pa Announcer:Here is your winner and STILL eWa Champion… JEFF JARRETT…
EWA Hardcore Theater Tag Team Titles Match
Rob Van Dam & Justin Credible(c) vs Camera Chaos
WRITTEN BY DPRINCEDSO
MARK: Once again, all eyes turn to yet another on location match. This strange night continues to play out as we go live to what apparently is a movie set. Huge like Band Of Brothers. We go live to the location and we go now.
RHINO: I’m kinda glad Purg did this. For me, this brings back memories of Wrestlemanias one and two.
MARK: I’ll be damn. There’s Purg! He sure gets around quick.
RHINO: It must not be far from the ThunderDome.
(“Mere Pawn” by Mindless Faith plays and Ned and Jay, accompanied by Lone Jobber, come into camera view)
MARK: Okay. Here’s what I’ve been given on this match. All four competitors will be places smack dab in the middle of a genuine Hollywood lot. They will be surrounded by eight large buildings. These buildings will have movie setups with who knows what kind of movie along with two separate outdoor sets to make the count ten. The rules are Texas Tornado which means that everyone fights. It’s also best two out of three falls. First is last man standing. If you don’t answer a ten count, you lose. Second fall is submission. The third and final fall is pin fall. Whew.
RHINO: All this from the brain of our resident psycho? I wonder it’s he’s damn insane or just crazy smart?
(“The Kings” by Run D. M. C. begins to play as both Rob Van Dam and Justin Credible come into camera view)
MARK: RVD and Justin using WWF Aggression music? Strange.
RHINO: RVD might wanna remember his WWF time but I’m sure Justin Credible doesn’t. What are they waiting for?
MARK: There’s no bell. How’s things gonna start?
PURG: ACTION!
MARK: I guess that’s how this match is gonna start because everybody’s fighting now!
RHINO: Everyone except for Lone Jobber who Purgatory has forced to sit and watch. Look at the size of that popcorn.
MARK: Check your appetite for now, Rhino. We need to try and keep up with this match. All four men fighting it out in the middle of this lot here. Look at Rob piece up Ned. Jay and Justin are pretty much back and forth but Rob is pretty much dominating Ned here.
RHINO: He’s Mr. Tuesday Night. He’s Mr. PPV. Mr. Pay Per View. Right now, Rob Van Dam is trying to evolve into Mr. Box Office Smash and he’s trying to do it tonight.
MARK: Looks like Justin is getting the better of Jay as well. Scoops up Jay. Slams him on the street! Justin and RVD walking with Ned towards one of those buildings now. Cameras trying to follow them around to the best of their ability. Jay back up and he tackles Justin from behind. Rob trying to help. Ned with a Russian Leg Sweep! Right on the street and they both all of it!
RHINO: Ned got a little desperate and did a desperate thing and paid the price. He hurt himself along with Rob.
MARK: Jay is now laying the boots on Justin. Jay is goin’ so fast that all Justin can do is roll.
RHINO: Justin is up to something.
MARK: Justin has rolled all the way to one of those buildings. Justin pulls Jay ‘s pants and he goes right into the building!
RHINO: Told ya.
MARK: Justin getting up and he throws him into the door!
RHINO: Talk about an entrance.
MARK: You have to wonder what movie environment they will just happen to fight in.
RHINO: I hope they fight in the bedroom where “American Pie” took place. I’d love to see that chick topless again. What the hell? Did everyone just get super-sized?
MARK: Looks like they’re fighting on a Godzilla movie set to me.
RHINO: Godzilla? Yeah! Where’s Kaientai?
MARK: Justin picks Jay up and slams him on a bunch of buildings!
RHINO: Where are the roaring sound effects? Jay’s pain scream doesn’t count.
MARK: Justin waiting on Jay to get up. Jay turns around. Damn! Did you hear the smack of that superkick?
RHINO: Heard it loud and clear.
MARK: Look out! Jay landed right into that model of an electricity generation and actual electricity just shot all over the place!
RHINO: Raiden!
MARK: The referee starting the count. Here comes Ned! He hits Justin with a flying forearm and Justin goes into the buildings! Ned picks Jay up at the count of four. Ned working over Justin now. Kick to the gut. Swinging DDT and they both go crashing into more buildings!
RHINO: Where is that music coming from? Look, it’s Godzilla! Run!
MARK: Obviously, someone dressed as Godzilla is rising from the lake over there. Rob is in and working over Jay who was just fried not too long ago. Godzilla attacks! It tackles RVD and….stays there on the ground?
RHINO: Whoever is in there is feeling the effects of how heavy and cumbersome the suit is. Why in the hell am I talkin’ about this? How’d this turn from a wrestling match into how hard it is to move in a Godzilla suit?
MARK: Blame Purg. I think its him in there.
RHINO: I think its Jobber.
MARK: RVD gives with a short clothesline. Jay manages to duck. He didn’t duck the spin kick.
RHINO: RVD is showing why he’s the EWA’s best kept weapon. It’s just too bad he’s DX.
MARK: I can’t believe I’m saying this but RVD just cartwheel splashed Godzilla.
RHINO: Like you said earlier, blame Purgatory.
MARK: RVD grabs Jay and tosses him into another room.
RHINO: I’m glad. All those falling buidings were giving me bad memories. Know what I mean?
MARK: Yeah. I know all too well. Meanwhile, we gotta figure out what move they’re in. It looks mighty familiar.
RHINO: I know this movie. It’s BloodSport! How fitting is it for RVD to fight here in this movie?
MARK: I say very. RVD kicks Jay onto the ring. He hops up with no one in the crowd.
RHINO: No one to chant “Dux.”
MARK: What’s Rob doing? Aw man! He’s just standing there. He’s letting Jay recover. What happened to Ned and Justin?
RHINO: Who knows?
MARK: Go split screen. There we go. Ned and Justin are fighting on a different set also. What movie is that?
RHINO: I don’t know. Looks like a subway. Please let it not be Ghost.
MARK: Ned working over Justin in the subway. Jay is looking ready to charge a dominant RVD. There he goes. SPLIT-LEGGED GROIN PUNCH! Take that, Jean-Claude!
RHINO: All those Van Dam lifts paid off and Jay just hit one hell of a high note! What the hell?
MARK: Ned just backed Justin in a corner and gave him like….a million punches! There’s no way Ned can punch that fast. Unless….
RHINO: That’s the sound of inevibility, Mr. Anderson.
MARK: Ned and Justin, fighting on the set of “The Matrix.” RVD and Jay, fighting on the set of BloodSport. RVD just hit The VanDaminator and Jay went flying out of the ring! If this were under Kumite rules, RVD and Justin would have gotten the first fall but the first fall is of course, knockout.
RHINO: Jay may be close as far as his lights are dimmed are concerned. Scratch that! Justin just got nailed!
MARK: Justin got nailed in the head with a piece of wall by Ned and he’s down. He may be out. How’d a referee get there so fast?
RHINO: Maybe he like took over a body like an Agent.
MARK: While the referee counts Justin, Ned has actually left him laying. He must be headed to BloodSport. He needs to hurry because Jay is flat out gettin’ his ass kick by RVD.
RHINO: Jay got fried and hasn’t been the same since.
MARK: RVD not going for the knockout. RVD is going for a display of pure punishment. Jay has been busted open.
PURG: Cut!
RHINO: Did Purg just stop the match?
PURG: Hey Rob. Why are you celebrating?
RVD: You just stopped the match. Justin Credible and of course myself….Rob Van Dam….have won the first fall.
PURG: The first fall is knockout, Karate Champ. Remember that game? I was just pointing out the blood, dude. He’s cut, see?
RVD: What?
PURG: Just keep fighting, man.
MARK: RVD a little confused here but still givin’ Jay all kinds of problems. Here comes Ned! Ned with a forearm to Jay’s back and he’s now giving Jay time to recover a little here. Justin Credible has been counted out? Justin Credible has been counted out and Camera Chaos is up one fall to zero! If either Camera Chaos can get RVD to tap, they will be the new EWA Tag Team Champions!
PURG: Hey guys, Justin just got counted out. Turn it up, Camera guys and you can be the new tag team champs.
RHINO: Purg just updated Ned and now Ned is turning it up! He’s laying in punch after punch! Discus Punch and Rob goes down!
MARK: Ned tossing Rob into a door. Looks like they’re going into another room. What’s it gonna be this time? Pokemon: The First Movie? Gladiator? Scary Movie? Nightmare on Elm Street? Friday the 13th?
RHINO: It’s Star Wars! You are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor!
MARK: This isn’t that Phantom Menace crap either. Ned beatin’ down RVD in the forest of the Endor moon. Where are the Ewoks?
RHINO: Forget that. Where are my gummy bears?
MARK: This is confusing. Okay. Ned just elbow dropped RVD, right? How come a suplex took them to Hoth?
RHINO: You got me. Snow everywhere.
MARK: RVD uses it to his advantage. He tosses snow up at Ned and Ned is distracted. RVD with a few kicks to Ned’s side. A sweep sends Ned down.
RHINO: Jay staggering to try and help his partner out. RVD with a running drop-kick! Now they’re on the Death Star!
MARK: Run in the trench! Run in the trench!
RHINO: RVD with a Russian leg sweep. RVD sensing the end.
MARK: Looks like he’s going for the Five Star Frog Splash from off that Super Star Destroyer. What better way to hit it than from there? He’s up! No! RVD was countered! He went for the Frog Splash and Ned was able to put a Star Destroyer over himself so that Rob would land on it! Man! Rob’s gotta be hurt!
RHINO: What better way to counter the Five Star than to destroy the star?
MARK: Justin Credible has just staggered in here. Here comes Jay. Clothesline. Justin ducks but Ned is there to DDT Justin onto the Death Star!
RHINO: Justin is a can shy of a six pack after being hit by that piece of wall earlier.
MARK: Ned going for the Sharpshooter. The second fall is submission. If Justin taps, RVD and Justin Credible will lose the Tag Team Titles. Sharpshooter. Justin trying to hang in there!
RHINO: Tap damn it!
MARK: Jay locks in a head scissors! Smart move! Justin has got to tap! He taps! We have new tag team champions!
RHINO: And for the first time in a long time, no DX member has a championship title! I’m so happy!
MARK: I hope we can have a somewhat normal match to follow this competitive but strange match. Please let it come up next.
EWA ThunderDome Match
Triple H vs The Rock
WRITTEN BY DPRINCESO
MARK: And now, we go to the location of the ThunderDome somewhere outside this very arena.
(The ThunderDome has been faithfully recreated right down to the cheesy sign on the top. Fans have even climbed onto it to witness the match. Some diehard fans have driven their cars created in the image of the Interceptor to the match and are dressed as their favorite characters from the film. The Auntie entrance is even recreated and the crowd cheers for the actress who is not Tina Turner; probably because she’s drop dead gorgeous.)
AUNTIE: Welcome, to another edition of Thunderdome!
RHINO:(From Payback location) Another edition? Isn’t this a EWA first?
MARK: Knowing Purgatory, he probably wrote that in the script.
(No sooner does Mark mention Purgatory than he walks into the massive cage dressed like Dr. Dealgood)
RHINO: Now I know where Purgatory got the Spin The Wheel idea from. It all makes sense now!
DR. PURG DEALGOOD: Listen all! This is the truth of it. Fighting leads to killing. And killing gets to warring. And that was damn near the death of us all. Man, I got this on lock down. Look at us now! Busted up and everyone talking about hard rain! But we’ve learned, by the dust of them all…Bartertown….I mean Extreme Impact learned. Now, when men get to fighting, it happens here! And it finishes here! Two men enter; one man leaves.
(Crowd: TWO MEN ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER ONE MAN LEAVES!)
DR. PURG DEALGOOD: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: dyin’ time’s here!
(The crowd cheers)
DR. PURG DEALGOOD: First our announcers. He’s the ball-cracker. Death on foot. You know him. You love to hate him! He’s Omega! (Omega is shown from the viewing section where Auntie made her presence felt. He’s met by a chorus of boos and responds by telling everyone they’re number one with a certain finger)
OMEGA: For the record, no one’s really gonna die. Somebody is gettin’ fucked up though.
DR. PURG DEALGOOD: And then there’s me.
(Pop from the crowd)
DR. PURG DEALGOOD: Thank ya, thank ya. And now, our challengers: direct from out of the wasteland! He’s bad, he’s beautiful, he’s crazy! It’s…It’s the man with many names!
(“It’s all about the game” by MotorHead hits and Triple H enters the ThunderDome to fan boos everywhere. He does his signature “rage” pose and yells at Purg since there are no microphones….)
HHH: What the hell are you talkin’ about? My name is Triple H! I am The Game! I am that damn good! Have you taken one to many blows to the head to even remember who I am?
DR. PURG DEALGOOD: I get mixed up sometimes. I thought you were Terra Jean Hunter Game Cerebral.
HHH: Just get Rock in here so that I can kick his ass.
DR. PURG DEALGOOD: You asked for it. Also direct from out of the wasteland! He’s bad, he’s beautiful, he’s crazy! It’s…It’s the man with many names and I think I just repeated myself!
(“The Rock Says” hits and The Rock enters the ThunderDome with eyebrow raised. He raises his arm to the cheering crowd and looks over his shoulder to the grimacing Hunter. They exchange intense looks as they get strapped in the bungee-like devices.)
DR. PURG DEALGOOD: I know you won’t break the rules: there aren’t any.
AUNTIE: Remember where you are. This is ThunderDome. Death is listening, and will take the first man that screams.
OMEGA: I am not Jim Ross. I ain’t used to this bullshit! Purg! Get your goofy ass up here! Hurry up! We’re startin’ here! Why don’t those two jackasses stare at each other later? They havin’ a damn starin’ contest. I swear if they start kissin’, I’m goin’ down there and beat ’em both down to holy hell. What the hell took you so long?
PURG: This cage is huge. Luckily, I summoned my Spider-Purg skills and climbed it no problem. Anything happen yet?
OMEGA: Nah man. The two jackasses are still starin’ at each other. If they kiss then no man’s gonna leave ’cause I’m gonna cripple both their asses. A slap? What the fuck?
PURG: Triple H just slapped the people’s champion right in the face! Look at the hand print!
OMEGA: Fuck that! Get the fightin’! There you go!
PURG: Rock and H exchanging right hands. Rock’s getting the better of Hunter! Right hand! Right hand! Right hand! Rock winding up. Big Right Hand sends Hunter bouncin’ around!
OMEGA: You ass! Don’t let up!
PURG: Rock puttin’ the boots to Hunter. Pretty hard to kick and not bounce a little in those devices. Rock picks Hunter up and slings him into the cage! Hunter bounces off. A Samoan Drop? Rock manages to Samoan Drop Hinter but goes bouncing out of control in the process!
OMEGA: You like this shit don’t ya? Mothafuckas looking like they’re wrestling in a zero gravity room.
PURG: Zero Gravity Room Match? Cool idea. I’ll file that under gimmick matches and Rock is laying more boot downs to Hunter.
OMEGA: Nah man. This match is on a dirt floor so Rock is basically stompin’ Hunter into the dirt and I can’t think of a guy who deserves more of a beat down like this.
PURG: How ’bout you and Usama bin Laden?
OMEGA: There ain’t a man alive who can beat me down like Rock is doin’ Hunter now and As for Usama bin Laden, Osama bin Laden, guy who is fucked to death, he deserves to be put in the worst jail New York got and put in general population with Big Brother camera coverage. Talk about must see TV, man.
PURG: Rock continuing to punish H and rock just caught a face full of dirt! Face Buster! H is right back in this thing.
OMEGA: The knee sent Rock bouncin’ into the cage.
PURG: H grabbed the nearest weapon and is now beatin’ down Rock with it.
OMEGA: How did a rolling pin get in this match? Forgot I was sittin’ next to the reason. My bad.
PURG: Look at the irony of this, Big O. Rock is gettin’ beat down by a rolling pin and he’s always talking about pie and strudel. I’m still tryin’ to get him to help me clean up in the vendor business.
OMEGA: You jackass. Rock can’t cook. That’s just a sayin’. As for pie and strudel, he’s talking about….
PURG: H slings Rock into the cage and gets a very high knee in thanks to the bungee device. Hey look, there’s Richard Nixon over there holding a cat. What’s he doin’ here?
OMEGA: Dick and pussy.
PURG: I you want to put it like that, yeah they’re over there.
OMEGA: I was about The Rock’s bakers man bullshit. That’s a fan with a mask and Cringer toy anyway.
PURG: Huh?
OMEGA: Never mind! Call the match before I take a trip to the asylum with ya!
PURG: And now Hunter imprints fist upon The Brahma Bull. He’s punching, he’s kickin’, he talkin’ the trash, he just tries a slam but Rock bounces off the dirt. Almost no wrestling moves are working here because the bungee devices are working against them.
OMEGA: That’s because Triple H, the supposed Cerebral Assassin, hasn’t thought this match out. Hell, in all his promos, he didn’t get the name of this match right once. He just sat there and got it wrong every time and didn’t know what The Thunderdome was despite Camera Chaos’s promo writer tryin’ to save his ass with pictures and the damn card sittin’ right there in his fuckin’ face. Cerebral Assassin my ass.
PURG: The Rock fighting back! Triple H stops it with a knee lift. He sends Rock into the cage! Again into the cage! And again!
OMEGA: He finally figures it out. This is the only thing working for him. It was slow, but the info finally reached his brain.
PURG: Triple H is trying to do something here. He springs onto the cage. He grabs a bat. He drops it? What’s Hunter up to?
OMEGA: You sure that you’re a professional wrestler? Triple H is throwin’ a mental hissy fit ’cause nothing is workin’. He’s gonna bring all the weapons off the cage to the floor and cut himself loose from the bungee shit. I woulda done it long ago oor went the other way but it takes slow thinkin’ bastards like Hunter a little longer.
PURG: Hunter pulling weapon after weapon off of this Thunderdome. Rock looks like he’s trying to spring way up here where Hunter is. Hunter has got most of the weapons off the cage. Rock and Hunter hanging high from the cage!
OMEGA: Looks like the time Jeff Hardy and D’Von Dudley got hung up with the WWF belts and could do nothing but kick one another.
PURG: Hunter goes low! Cheap shot! Hunter positioning Rock. Is he gonna try a Pedigree way up there? There they go! Hunter hooks him in midair. PEDIGREE from the top of the inside of the Thunderdome! Man, I wish I was Rock! That would’ve felt great!
OMEGA: I can’t believe that Rock took a big bump! Let’s face it, it’s nothing I’ve haven’t done myself or you either.
PURG: I’m gonna start doing Gimmick Superman in actual matches. Happy Place isn’t giving me the pain I want. Hunter bouncing around getting all the weapons from the cage and tossing them onto the dirt floor below. The Rock’s barely conscious body is hanging in that bungee device. I think Hunter is ready to finish The Rock off.
OMEGA: And all rock can do is take the beating.
PURG: Where’d Hunter get that razor blade from?
OMEGA: You have a “Blade The Cook” apron and you have to ask that?
PURG: Triple H attempting to cut himself loose. He’s loose on one end. He’s working on the other now. Triple H is free from those bungee constraints! Oh my! Pinocchios’ strings have been cut loose! He’s a real boy now!
OMEGA: Say what?
PURG: Triple H is all laughs now. He’s in full control of this match and now has a Kendo Stick in his hands.
OMEGA: Kendo Stick. Singapore Cane. Somethin’ to beat somebody’s ass with.
PURG: Triple H talking the trash and treating Rock like a human piñata! Piñata! Piñata! Piñata! Triple H, Darth Mauling The Rock and is celebrating his victory a bit prematurely in my view.
OMEGA: What the hell are ya doing? Finish his ass, you stupid fuck!
PURG: Triple H posin’ like mad in the Thunderdome. If Hunter is roaring like that in the Thunderdome, does that make him a ThunderCat?
OMEGA: Nah man. He’s just a big pussy.
PURG: Hunter getting some space between himself and Rock. Charge! Rock jumps over him and Hunter misses. Rock using the bungee to his advantage. Hunter charges again but only hits the boot of The Rock! Triple H having all sorts of trouble catching The Rock.
OMEGA: That’s because Hunter has to push those raggedy knees of his around. All Rock has gotta do is keep this superball shit up and Hunter will tire.
PURG: He must’ve heard you because Rock is keeping it up. Bouncing around and all Hunter can do is catch him a little with the cane. Hunter finally tosses the cane down in frustration. Here cones The Rock. Triple H catches him! Irish whip to the cage. Rock bounces of and catches Hunter with a high jumping clothesline! Did you see how Hunter’s head snapped off that clothesline?
OMEGA: That Auntie bitch said death would take the first man to scream and Triple H screamed after gettin’ hit from that clothesline. I think he’s injured.
PURG: No. Looks like it was a small stinger. Hunter to his feet a little bit here. Rock not wasting time. Picks Hunter up. SpineBuster! He got a little more “oomph” with the bungee. Rock has that look in his eye. Will the people see it tonight?
OMEGA: Just do the damn elbow, jackass.
PURG: It’s the most electrifying move in sports entertainment today….THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW! Rock bounces right back up!
OMEGA: Triple H and his damn “water hurts” scream. Rock with his fuckin’ Mr. Spock eyebrow. This shit keeps up and I’m gonna go down there, take that shovel, break it off in Rock’s ass and shove the other piece up Hunter’s. I’ve had about enough of this crap.
PURG: This crowd has chanted “Two men enter. One man leaves.” They have booed H-Man. They are now chanting “Rocky, Rocky….” Yo Adrian! It’s like we’re changing out there. We’re turnin’ into….regular people.
OMEGA: Call the match and get a bitch slap.
PURG: Isn’t that “or?” OW! Thanks! In full concentration now. Rock taking full advantage of Hunter and the effects of that stinger he had not to long ago. Rock has Hunter hooked. Is he going for it? Rock springs high with Hunter. ROCK BOTTOM! Rock used that bungee to get some major air and he just gave Triple H one hell of a Rock Bottom and without the bungee to absorb the impact, Triple H makes full contact with the dirt floor! Add to the fact that a folding chair was the only thing that broke his fall and you got Triple H with a cream filling.
OMEGA: This is the other half. Triple H couldn’t hang but Rock is usin’ the bungee to full advantage. What the hell are you doin’?
PURG: Filling the shoes of Mel.
OMEGA: That shit ain’t gonna work in this match! The whistle is just gonna get on people’s nerves. In your case, it’s gonna get you in danger of being crippled ’cause it’s gettin’ on MY nerves.
PURG: Not painful enough, huh? Well, listen to this.
(A promo plays over the P.A. System)
(RVD’s theme plays over the Pa)
RHINO: RVD IS HERE!(The Lights go out)What the..?
(10 sec. pass and the lights turn back on and there a blow up doll of RVD with a knife in the head and when a smoke bomb lets off in the ring and the smoke clears and Mac Daddy is Standing there)
Mac daddy: Turn that crap off!
(Rob Van Dam’s Theme Stops)
Mac Daddy: now i have been Fired from This “FED”, if u want to call EWA that, now i and Demon as been really in the EWA senice Demon Child joined, and the EWA was Great when full when is Great again, if WWF Vs EWA, the WWF whould win, now RVD Vs EWA, RVD whould win, well i might for the dumb kids out there that anyone can beat the EWA, Now the reson i came out here is that Purg wanted me to now Purg, if i get trouble when u will take the blam , now i have heard that Ned and Jay is in the eWa, with Lone Jobber, now if Ned and Jay and LJ Vs EWA, well its no fight that the EWA whould win, now if EWA Vs WCWF right NOW , the WCWF whould win, well WCWF is Closed that means that the EWA Really SUCK!, that Means that the Jobber Club sucks too, BAD! well i g2g now
(Purg’s theme comes over the Pa and the lights turn out and in 10 sec. they turn back on and Purg is in the ring and Mac daddy isn’t)
Purg: where is He?, well i want that S.O.B
(The lights turn off and in 10 sec. they turn back on and NO one is in the ring)
DaDemon2001@aol.com
OMEGA: Oh the humanity! What have you done, Purgatory? You’ve done some things to cause pain to people before but damn it, why’d you let off that stinker of a promo on everyone here? Some people’s ears are bleedin’ and most are writhin’ in pain. Why Purgatory? Why? That was the worst thing you ever coulda done to anybody! You made people listen to a crappy Derrek Bittle role-play! No! No! Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo! Then you showed his Harry Potter ass on the Hardcore Theater out here! No! No! Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo!
PURG: Sorry. I keep thinkin’ people have my pain thresh hold. All Rock has to do now is leave the Thunderdome. Triple H and Rock have gone through sheer hell. That’s what Omega says after playing that DaDemon2001 promo over the P.A. System.
OMEGA: That was way over the line, man. WAY OVER.
PURG: The Rock is trying to free himself from the bungee. Triple H has not moved since that super Rock Bottom. You know, Triple H landed a lot on his neck there and he did suffer that stinger earlier. If Rock can leave the ThunderDome, he wins this match.
OMEGA: Two men enter, one man leaves. In this case, either it’s gonna be the big nose machine or the Pillsbury Doughbull. Hurry up, ya square headed bastard.
PURG: Rock is free from the bungee. He’s out! The Rock made it out and he has won in the ThunderDome!
OMEGA: He who can’t get the match name right, jobs.
PURG: The Rock has won this match and is celebrating out here. Hey! It’s MackDown! MackDown attacking The Rock!
OMEGA: Beat his ass like he stole something!
PURG: MackDown attacking The Rock! They send him into the ThunderDome! Again! And again! And again! And again! And again! Damn, I wish that was me!
OMEGA: I wish it was you too. Run-ins, Run-Afters, whatever the case, they both suck.
PURG: Shane isn’t doing anything. This is all Jason! He still has those gloves on and is piecing up The Rock!
OMEGA: Rock looks like a human punching bag.
PURG: What a right hand! The Rock goes down….well….he goes down like a rock.
OMEGA: Don’t we got other matches?
PURG: Well, we’ll try to sort things out here. Mark, Rhino. Take it away.
eWa World Title Spin The Wheel Match
Blake Bennit(C) vs Booker T
WRITTEN BY DPRINCEDSO
MARK: To say that this has been one hell of a strange night is an understatement. Thank the heavens that this night is almost at an end.
RHINO: Those other matches were strange as hell. We come to the last one and I gotta tell you guys something; please do not have Purgatory get a hold of anymore cards. I mean I saw Omega’s O. G. card and it had like three gimmick matches and the rest were just straight up EWA style. Tonight, the final match of this madness.
(All our lives hang by a thread. Now we got two men waiting for sentence. But ain’t it the truth: you take your chances with the law, justice is only a roll of the dice. A flip of the coin. A turn… of the Wheel)
MARK: What was that?
RHINO: I don’t know. Looked like a scene from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome to me.
(“Harlem Heat” plays over the P. A. System)
MARK: It’s go time here and here comes the challenger to the EWA World Title.
RHINO: Some people say that Booker doesn’t deserve this shot but leave it to Purgatory to give the unexpected a shot. Booker beat down The Rock to get here and now he’s here to get the gold. Can you dig it, sucka?
MARK: I can dig it. Right now, the Bookerman is the most electrifying man in sports entertainment today and he did that by making The Rock the most electrified man in sports entertainment of the moment. Booker T is pumped, primed, and ready.
RHINO: And the faster Blake gets out here, the faster this madness end.
(“Bodies” by Drowning Pool kicks up over the P. A. System)
MARK: And here comes our champion; Blake “Sexy Boy” Bennit.
RHINO: One of the main reasons why Purgatory changed his intro music to “Clint Eastwood” by the Gorillaz.
MARK: One of the founders of the group known as Team Better Than You. Blake is the last best change this group has.
RHINO: Yeah. Rock and Whiplash aren’t doing so great. Blake and Threat have to carry the weight. Maybe they should go underground like Extreme Impact.
MARK: You can’t help but wonder where Purgatory got this idea from.
RHINO: Probably from watchin’ the Spinaroonie.
MARK: Blake gets into the ring and….oh man. Isn’t that one of HBK’s poses?
RHINO: That’s one of HIS poses and don’t you forget it. Now what?
MARK: The theme from “Wheel Of Fortune” is playing and I don’t know where we’re goin’ from here. Is that Pat Sajak?
RHINO: No! it’s the man! It’s PURG Sajak!
MARK: Poor Purgatory. He’s completely lost it.
PURG SAJAK: Hello everyone. Welcome to this weeks’ Wheel Of Fortune. I’m your host, Purg Sajak and this is my assistant, Vanna White!
MARK: Whoa. That’s not Vanna White.
RHINO: Who cares? She’s sexy as hell.
PURG SAJAK: Okay Vanna, go ahead and give that wheel a spin.
RHINO: Oh yeah. Bend over for me, baby.
PURG SAJAK: Round and round it goes. Where will it end? Who knows? Okay. Cool. Street Fight. Okay referee, ring the bell.
MARK: Here we go! Booker and Blake in a one minute street fight and look at ’em go!
RHINO: And they are beatin’ the crap outta each other! Booker is getting the advantage. Backing Black into the corner. Knife-edge Chop!
MARK: Go ahead and say it.
RHINO: WWWOOOO!
MARK: Another Knife-edge Chop!
RHINO: WWWOOOO!
MARK: Blake reverses and now is firing away at Booker. Irish whip. Reversal by Booker into a side kick. Nice! Huh? A horn?
RHINO: A minute has passed already I guess.
MARK: All that in a minute?
PURG SAJAK: The next match type….SUBMISSION!
RHINO: I don’t think one of these guys are goin to tap out in a minute or less.
MARK: Booker locks in a sleeper. Oh man! Did you hear that kick?
RHINO: Blake with a reversal that echoed throughout the arena. Where did Booker’s head land?
MARK: So far, no insanity. Thank you. Bennit going to work now on the leg of Booker T. Elbow dropping onto that leg. What’s he calling for? It’s a Figure Four!
RHINO: WWWOOOO!
MARK: There goes the horn. What’s next?
PURG SAJAK: The next match type….LUCHA LIBRE!
RHINO: This favors Blake big time since he says HBK took his style and gimmick.
MARK: He must’ve heard you because Blake is systematically trying to take Booker out. Releases the figure four. Blake with a pick up. Blake with a European Uppercut. Another one sends Booker into the ropes. Drop-kick and Booker goes over the ropes. Blake immediately on the top ropes. Booker is up. Hurricanrana off the top ropes to the outside on the floor!
RHINO: Blake flying through the air and outright nailin’ Booker with the Hurricanramamanana.
MARK: The what?
RHINO: Even professionals get flubber mouth.
MARK: Blake not wasting any time. Standing drop-kick and Booker is down. Blake in the ring. He’s getting a running start for something. Vaulting Body Press but he misses by a mile!
RHINO: Nice balance by Blake there but poor judgment. Can somebody say splat?
MARK: There goes the horn. Let’s see what’s next.
PURG SAJAK: The next match type….INFERNO!
RHINO: Oh man. Time to make toast.
MARK: A square-shape ring a fire has ignited around the ring. Both men are on the outside. One of them will have to catch flame to lose this match.
RHINO: Blake puttin’ the boots to Booker. Looks like he’s ready to end this.
MARK: Blake picking up Booker by the head. He’s calling for it. the crowd wants to see simmered Spinaroonie!
RHINO: And I want that corny shit to never be said again.
MARK: Blake bringing Booker towards the flames. He’s looking to retain his World title. BOOK END! Out of nowhere! Blake wasn’t paying attention and got a Book End for his troubles!
RHINO: Blake was too much about the crowd and not into the match. Big mistake by Bennit.
MARK: There goes the horn. What’s next?
PURG SAJAK: The next match type….EXPLOSION!
RHINO: Oh shit. OOOOOOOOhhhhhhh shit.
MARK: There are no pyrotechnic setups I can see that are around the ring. Here comes “Purg” Sajak with an exploding plank. One simple slam into the plank and this match is all done.
RHINO: Purg just delivered the goods. All that’s left is somebody to take advantage of it.
MARK: Whatever advantage Blake has just went straight outta the window. Booker with a flip hip press. Was that a Harlem Hangover?
RHINO: It sure looked like it. Booker bringing back a little old school tonight.
MARK: Booker now. Waving Blake up. Blake staggers to his feet. AX KICK! Booker nails him with the ax kick.
RHINO: Why is Booker looking at his hand like that?
MARK: I think we’re about to see it.
RHINO: Booker’s gonna jack off here in a match? Man, I don’t wanna see that!
MARK: No. We’re about to see THE most electrifying move in sports entertainment today; THE SPINAROONIE! You’ve been hanging around Omega again, huh?
RHINO: I get most of my material from him.
MARK: The horn sounds and it’s time to switch gears. To what? We will hear soon.
PURG SAJAK: The next match type….EWA!
MARK: What?
RHINO: It’s a shame EWA has come to this. You gotta request these types of matches. Pure EWA B. S. era. You know, Before Shane and before his bullshitty WWF operating things. That’s why B. S. has a double meaning. Hardcore and No Holds Barred by default. A pure street fight.
MARK: And while you were flashing back, Booker is out here putting the boots to Blake. He’s either feeling the beginning of the end or just wants to punish Blake Bennit. Booker has Blake by the head and is finally bringing him back to the ring. This match has been outside forever and it’s finally coming back to the ring. The matches have all been landing on similar things so good for them but I notice that Vanna isn’t spinning the wheel anymore.
RHINO: Good. She can get buck naked and sit on my lap then.
MARK: Booker sends Blake into the pole as the horn sounds. What type of match will it be?
PURG SAJAK: The next match type….MUSICAL CHAIRS!
MARK: Did I hear right? Musical Chairs?
RHINO: Yes! A match Purg invented himself. The only way to win is to knock your opponent by chair shot! I can actually see a match like this live now!
MARK: Booker and Blake researched a lot for this challenge. Booker has a chair. MAN! Booker hits a home run! I wonder where Blake’s head landed.
RHINO: Booker just hit a high note that Blake is gonna remember for as long as he has that headache.
MARK: The referee starting the count now. One….two….no. Booker picks Blake up by the head and tosses him into the ring. Booker’s ego is starting to take over here. He wants to beat Blake in the middle of the ring. Booker T with the chair. Looks like he going for the end. There goes the horn. Next match, please.
PURG SAJAK: The next match type….SUMO!
MARK: Sumo?
RHINO: I knew these matches were too normal. Leave it to Purg to put Sumo in here.
MARK: Booker still has the chair. The ref takes it away. Booker arguing with the ref.
RHINO: Don’t take your eyes off Blake, Booker!
MARK: Blake from behind. Turns Booker around. Grabs him by the hips and tosses him to the outside. The ref calls for the bell. Has Booker been disqualified?
RHINO: What’s going on?
MARK: The referee is telling the announcer what to say. Even Booker and Blake are somewhat confused.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, according to the basic rules of sumo, The wrestler who either touches the floor with something else than his sole first or leaves the ring before his opponent loses. Booker T was thrown out of the ring so the winner of this match and still EWA World Heavyweight Champion; BLAKE “SEXY BOY” BENNIT!
MARK: What a controversial way to end this match! Blake not having the best night but manages to win anyway because of a rule!
RHINO: Purgatory said this match is designed to completely screw with a man’s in-ring timing and this decision will probably do the same for both.
MARK: Blake is celebrating in the ring. Here comes Booker T. He’s attacking Blake! What a sore loser! Booker punching away at Blake. Irish Whip. Ax Kick attempt misses. SEXY BOY KICK! Out of nowhere! Booker went flat after that kick. He must’ve caught all of it.
RHINO: Booker T is out.
PURG SAJAK: Your prize for tonight. A run-in! A run-in? Vanna, did you hand me the right envelope? What?
(“Hell Yeah” by Snoop Dogg hits and the crowd begins to boo as well as the chance to chant the word “What”)
MARK: Stone Cold Steve Austin is here?
RHINO: I guess so. That is his WWF Aggression theme music.
MARK: Blake Bennit looking around for Austin. What the hell?
RHINO: Hey Blake, turn around and get your prize.
MARK: I think Blake knows he’s there. SEXY BOY KICK! No! Austin caught it! Spins him! Kicks him! Stuns him! Meet Steve Austin, Blake Bennit.
RHINO: Does this mean Mike Tyson is gonna come out and punch Blake?
MARK: Stone Cold all up in the face of Blake Bennit talkin’ the talk. Blake can only listen because the lights are on but they’re barely on.
RHINO: Stone Cold going back out now. He’s done what he came to do. He’s headed towards the wheel. Looks like he’s asking Purg for something. Purg wheels out a keg of beer.
MARK: Purg becomes prepared for all situations. He turned it down! Stone cold doesn’t want beer!
RHINO: What? Austin doesn’t want to drink? What? I’ll take it.
MARK: Austin pointing to something. He wants a Spin The Wheel Home Game?
RHINO: I want one too.
MARK: Purg gives a thumbs up. Austin returns the favor.
RHINO: That wasn’t a thumb.
MARK: Austin heading back to the ring. Blake starting to get back to his feet. Austin emptying the contents of that home game. Do all of Purgatory’s home games come with a metal folding chair?
RHINO: Yep.
MARK: Austin isn’t holding the chair. He has the wheel. The wheel looks pretty thick also. Austin waiting. Austin measuring. WHAM AND DAMN! Austin just dented that wheel on Blake’s head!
RHINO: That wheel looks to be made of the same metal as the folding chair. Austin making serious impact in his EWA debut.
MARK: One hit. All it took was one hit for Blake to bleed. Austin putting the chair on Blake’s leg. He’s not gonna do what I think he’s gonna do is he?
RHINO: Austin looking to cripple Blake here.
MARK: Austin dragging Blake into position. Austin off the turnbuckle right into the ankle with the chair assist! Blake’s ankle may be shattered here!
RHINO: And unless Blake can do a left leg Sexy Boy kick, he just got his best weapon taken away from him.
MARK: Austin finally leaving after the damage he has done tonight. EMT’s rushing to the ring now to help Blake out here. Well, we are out of time. Payback may be like Once And For All as far as starting new feuds are concerned.
RHINO: Finally the weirdness ends….
MARK: So long from Payback…..
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