Strange Days 2005

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Welcome everyone to STRANGE DAYS! The role that I am playing? Frosty The Snowman! Al Snow along with….who are you supposed to be?

LEGEND DEMON: That big, red motherfuckin’ demon from the “Legend” movie. What is light without dark? Stupid motherfucker in that movie. I’ll be the smart version.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: We have movie parts galore as Strange Days goes Hollywood!

LEGEND DEMON: You are once again wrong. Not everyone could step up to the plate and because they couldn’t, payback’s a bitch. This will undoubtedly be the shortest EWA event in history. I’ll be back. I’m going to the ring.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: What? Ome….I mean the Legend Demon going to the ring in a referee shirt. This can’t be good for anyone. We now take you to Kitana Baker playing the role that made her famous; the catfight girl.

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Hollywood, California….PATRICIA JENNERS!

(The theme from Jeepers Creepers plays throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: And if you don’t know, that is….why is Gene Snitsky coming out here? Gene Snitsky walking right past Maria, who is in the role of Patricia Jenners. Gene? Guess I have a guest commentator for now. Hey Gene. I’m Frosty. Frosty The Snowman.

GENE SNITSKY: Look, I’m just here because the president of the EWA is in the ring set to be the referee and since everyone is playing a role, just call me “Mean” Gene Okerlund for now.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: “Mean” Gene Okerlund?


CATFIGHT GIRL: And also introducing from Hollywood, California….JEAN GRAY!

(The theme from X-Men plays throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Well, while I fight the urge for a Mean Gene Burger, Lita’s coming down in a role she chose for this event. She’s Jean Gray from the X-Men. Also known as Phoenix. Is it Gray as in the color or G-R-E-Y?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Who cares? I mean how could you think about that when such a lovely lady is walking down to the ring, Frosty?

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Jean Gray making her way down and I see no Subway in site no anyone from the Network.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Did you know if she would play the comic role that she would be dead and not able to watch her husband make out with Emma Frost?

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: I didn’t know that.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: I know it all, Frosty. That’s why I’m Mean Gene. Maybe I’ll make this reflect the comic more.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: The Devil calls for the bell and Patricia and Jean lock up. Jean with a nice Judo toss. Must have studied just for this role. Patricia charges and is knocked away. Another charge and a sidestep into a push. Jean really using her mind here. OOP! So much for that! Patricia don’t know karate, but she knows crazy! Patricia and Jean pretty much in a catfight here. Where’s Gene going? Gene grabbing a chair and getting into the ring. This is no good for….OH MAN! He just flattened Jean and Patricia with that chair! Look at that sick, sadistic smile on the face of Gene! What now? The girls are out, Gene! No need to….MAN! He just Pumphandled Slammed the bejebes out of Jean! She’s bleeding from that chair shot as well! No. Not Patricia! Not to a woman! Gene with another Pumphandle Slam! Patricia down, out and bleeding! I can’t believe that even The Devil is smiling after that! I guess that’s why he’s The Devil. Legend Demon indeed. He’s lying in the count. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Go ahead and count. They’re not getting up. Gene coming back over here. 10! It’s over!

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen, this match has been ruled a DOUBLE KNOCKOUT!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Both women being knocked out. What’s the deal with that, Gene?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: You mean my thoughts? IT’S NOT GENE SNITSKY’S FAULT! That’s for sure.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: That sure is funny. Now how about an explanation?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Ladies and gentlemen, I know you can hear me! I know that you are seeing Patricia Jenners and Jean Gray carted out the ring. It’s their fault for looking so much like Lita and Maria! Now, if you would kindly get those two sluts out of here, I’m going to do the introductions for now! Sorry to those who came to see the Catfight Girl do them but can I do just one? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! This next match is another woman’s match. This next match is for the EWA Women’s Championship of the world! This match is a STRANGE BEDFELLOWS MATCH! The goal? To put your opponent into or through a bed of your choosing. To win, you must knock the opponent out. First, introducing from Hollywood, California….TRINITY!

(The theme from “The Matrix” blasts out through LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Trish Stratus, playing the role of Trinity, coming down as the main female character from The Matrix trilogy. She’s dressed the part and skintight leather is a woman’s best friend. At least according to all the curves I’m seeing. Trinity in the ring awaiting her opponent who is no stranger to Gene Okerlund. Where are the beds?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: And now, introducing her opponent. She is the current EWA Woman’s Champion. She has one of the most handsome “seconds” I know of….From Hollywood, California….JEN!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: The name of the woman who played that role is Zhang Ziya or Ziyi Zhang depending on preference but either way, it’s Megumi Kudo dressed as a ninja wielding the Green Destiny. She’s been saying that she will use the Green Destiny to cut Trish Stratus here tonight. Let’s see if she makes good on that promise and Trinity all over Jen! Trinity working over Jen as The Devil calls for the bell and Trinity wailing away at Jen! Jen with no offense here and Mean Gene, or should I say Gene Snitsky is going nuts! Snitsky was hired as Megumi Kudo’s second as he helplessly watches Jen get pummeled here! Jen’s fighting back! She’s fighting back. Jen with a kick and WWWWHOOOAAA! There’s the Matrix move! CHICK KICK! Trish immediately hitting the Chick Kick and she goes for the cover but The Devil reminds her that Jen must be driven through a bed. Trinity to the outside. She goes under the ring. I see the beds now! Trish pulling out some beds now. Bed Of Barb Wire. Bed Of Razor Wire. There’s a Bed Of Nails. Jen in the ring beginning to stir as Trinity pulls out a….Bed Of Duct Tape? When they said beds of anything, I didn’t expect that. Trinity slides in the Bed Of Barb Wire. I have no one here to help me commentate. Trinity grabs the woozy Megumi…..I mean Jen and HITS THE STRATUSFACTION! Trinity with the Stratusfaction sending Jen face first into the Bed Of Barb Wire! The Devil starts to count. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Jen starting to pull herself up as Trinity taunts this Chicago crowd. 8. Jen up at nine and Trinity cannot believe it! Jen bleeding from the face and Trinity goes for….CRAP! Jen just floored Trinity right in the face with a huge elbow. Look at that smile on the face of Jen. Trinity back up. Taken over with a headlock. Another rush and another takedown with an armbar. Jen now rushes Trinity. Drop-kick. Caught. Wheelbarrow Armbar by Jen! This match has completely turned into Jen’s favor. Jen runs into Trinity. Franken….no! Jen turns it into a floating arm lock! That move, also known as Six Seconds Magic was used by Gail Kim often and now Trinity on the wrong end. She gives Gene a signal of sorts and Gene putting those beds into the ring. He’s setting up the beds on a table while Jen mounts Trinity and pummels away with lefts and rights. Gene “Okerlund” isn’t supposed to be doing this! I guess he’ll do anything to get the attention of a woman. He’s got the Bed Of Nails an a bed under that. The Bed Of Duct Tape. Jen hooking Trish. Looks like she’s going to reverse suplex her from the middle turnbuckle. Trinity fighting her off. Trinity trying to OOOOHHHH! Man or woman, it hurts like al hell to land THAT way on the top rope! Jen grimacing in pain and IT’S THE….NO! Trinity going for the Stratusphere and Jen fighting it for all it’s worth! Something’s got to give here! Trinity trying to pull and Jen what little weight she has and pulling back. Trinity doesn’t have the momentum anymore. Jen on that top rope and Trinity….there’s the swing-up by Trinity. She can….JEN HAS HER HOOKED! JEN HAS HER HOOKED! POWERBOMB FROM THE TOP ROPE! GOOD GOLLY, MISS MOLLY! Jen hooked Trinity and sent her into that bed setup and I don’t think Trinity is going to get up. Jen feeling her legs as Legend Demon lays in the count. 1. 2. 3. Both ladies down as Jen uses her self-impaled legs to stand herself up here. 7. 8. 9. 10! It’s over! Megumi Kudo retains!


FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Megumi Kudo nothing short of unstoppable and what did Gene….The Green Destiny. You do not give an extreme wrestler like that a weapon like that! She’s not gonna do it! She’s not gonna cut off her face! Don’t do it, Jen! Don’t do it, Megumi! She’s gonna….whew. I’m glad she didn’t do it. Jen rearing back and made like she was gonna cut off the head of Trish and OOOOHHH! Jen with a slight swipe slicing the right cheek of Trish Stratus! Trish is up now! Screaming either in pain or either in shock as Trinity stumbling and odd running her way back to the locker room. Look at Jen! She’s laughing at all of this! Why’s The Devil got the microphone?

LEGEND DEMON: Megumi Kudo, you are now THE last EWA Woman’s Champion. As of this moment, I am retiring the title and declaring you the last champion of that division. I wish you the best in your wrestling career. And just in case someone tries to get technical, don’t let the costume fool you. I’m doing this as President of the EWA. President Omega. Now get the hell out of my ring!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: WHAT? Why? We have seen the end of an era here, everyone! The Women’s Championship of the EWA. It’s been retired by Omega! Does this mean that all the EWA Woman are fired? What does this mean? Megumi doesn’t look to happy. She storms out the ring with a fire in her eyes I haven’t seen in some time. Gene, what do you think?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: I’m not gonna say anything. This is how this guy works. He does something and no one ever sees the big picture. I’m gonna sit. I’m gonna wait. I’m gonna wait for the picture to develop. This is only the beginning if I know this man. It’s only going to grow bigger from this. For now, let’s just go to the next match.

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Hollywood, California….JOE HIGASHI!

(Joe Higashi’s background music from “Fatal Fury” begins to play throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: We go from that show-stealer and shock of an announcement to Berserk and Frankie Kazarian in this next match. Berserk has chosen to go with the role of Joe Higashi from the Fatal Fury movie.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: I would’ve went with Andy Bogard. His girl is Mai.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Joe Higashi in the ring ready to do battle as he awaits his opponent.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Let’s hope he doesn’t decide to moon the crowd like Higashi does in the game.

CATFIGHT GIRL: And now introducing also from Hollywood, California….SCOTT “CYCLOPS” SUMMERS!

(The theme from X-Men plays throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: What is it with this guy and female telepaths? Jean Gray, Emma Frost, Psylocke….just how many are attracted to him and why? OOP! Frankie Kazarian now coming down in the role of Cyclops from the X-Men movies. Cyclops is the unofficial leader of the group in the movies.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: That and he lost the woman he loves.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Legend Demon calls for the bell and Joe and Scott set to….OH MAN! The Devil just gave Scott the big boot right in the back of the head! Why?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Because he felt like it. That one shot opened him, too.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Now, Higashi is all over Summers! Relentless elbows and knees to the barely conscious X-Man! He positions him into the corner! What’s he going to do? The Tornado Kick? The Tiger Knee? The Tornado Uppercut?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Absolutely nothing!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Legend Demon with another blow! This time to Joe right in the face! Higashi goes down and that kick busted him wide open! Legend Demon laying the count. 1. 2. 3. 4. Higashi unable to move. Scott barely moving. 8! 9! 10! Double knockout!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: A dominating one.

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is declared a DOUBLE KO!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: The Devil or The Legend Demon or whoever knocking out both Scott Summers and Joe Higashi for no apparent reason and all I can say was “why?”

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Get the garbage, please.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: The EMT’s out and this is nothing new to the month. No matter what the role. Wrestlers seem to always be carted out here. Right now, all we can do is prepare for the next match as the ring is cleared. I’m not going to ask why Legend Demon did what he did.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: You’re absolutely right, Body. No need to.

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. Your referee for this match is LEGEND DEMON! Introducing first, from Hollywood, California….SNAKE PLISKIN!

(The theme from Escape From New York plays throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Well, the theme’s playing and it’s a role chosen for him but Taz isn’t looking the part at all to say the least and I must say I wonder if The Devil’s going to do some damage here. Did you call me “body” not too long ago?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Sorry for the mix-up, Frosty. I got you mixed up with Jesse. Look, it didn’t take long for Taz to get in the ring. Look at Legend Demon. He’s got that “you’re in deep” look in his eye. For those who don’t know, Taz is supposed to be Snake Pliskin; the character from the “Escape From New York/Los Angeles” movies.

CATFIGHT GIRL: And now introducing also from Hollywood, California….LESTAT!

(The theme from Queen Of The Damned plays throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Even though he didn’t play the part either, The Dark One is at least looking the part as he makes his way down to face Snake.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: What do you mean? That’s how he always looks.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: The lights have gone completely out with the exception of a lone spotlight shining on Lestat as he makes his way to the ring. Lestat getting in the ring and finally, we get some….Taz is out. Taz is out, Gene! Taz is lying on the mat completely motionless and a bloody mess! I’ve haven’t seen this since my alter-ego’s days in ECW but Taz was sleep then! What happened?

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Who knows? Lestat doesn’t seem to mind.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Lestat going for the cover! Legend Demon making the count! Not this way! 1! 2! MAN, WHAT A RIGHT HAND! The Devil coming down on Lestat with all four hundred and eleven pounds of right hand! Lestat a bit dazed and his mouth cut open. HEART PUNCH! Lestat in trouble now! He’s practically paralyzed from that blow. SCREWDRIVER! I guess we know what happened to Snake! He’s still not moving. Lestat down as well. The Devil laying in the count. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10! Another double knock out!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: I’m just as surprised as you, Frosty.

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has ruled this match a DOUBLE KNOCKOUT!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: I have a bad feeling about this. Another match with a mystery ending.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: I urge you to call the Mean Gene hotline to get the facts of what happened here tonight.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Facts? The EMT’s are back out here carrying Snake and Lestat out and you need facts? You KNOW Omega’s behind this!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: There’s no proof with the exception of that ScrewDriver to Lestat.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: I can’t win the argument here. Let’s just move on to the next match. Hopefully, we’ll actually get a match here.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Maybe. Expect the unexpected in the EWA, Frosty.

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Hollywood, California….COLE TRICKLE!

(The theme from Days Of Thunder plays throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: This must be a bit hard for Hardcore Holly. He thought he dumped that race car driver gimmick and once again, it comes back to haunt him.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: I suppose that’s why he ran to the ring. Eager to get this over with.

CATFIGHT GIRL: And also introducing from Hollywood, California….FREDDY KRUEGER!

(The theme from A Nightmare On Elm Street plays throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Here comes The Retro Playa and I can’t believe it. We finally see the face of The Retro Playa! I can’t tell what he looks like!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: That’s some make-up job, Snowman. He looks just like Freddy Krueger.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Retro as Freddy and Holly as Cole Trickle as we get a ring of the bell here OH MAN! NOT AGAIN! The Devil with a big boot to the back of the head of Hardcore Holly! Did you hear that “thunk” sound? He must be wearing steel-toe boots! Legend Demon not wasting any time here! He picks up Cole Trickle and places him on the turnbuckle and now look at that! As if to say he’s all yours, Freddy!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: He is. Just a matter of putting it all to an end.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Freddy goes to the top. CUTTING EDGE! Cover! 1! 2! 3! This match’s over!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Really fast too.

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen….the winner of this match by pinfall….FREDDY KRUEGER!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Krueger with an all-too-easy night and look at that! A slash across the chest of Trickle with Krueger’s infamous instrument of death!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: This is the first match involving men that the opponent instead of the referee shed blood.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Krueger’s bleeding as well but I think that it’s a self-inflicted wound. Krueger leaving under his own power and Holly getting the monthly EMT EWA treatment of being carted out here.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Things on the month are a bit more extreme and IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Well, as Trickle is taken out, it’s time for something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time; Purgatory Versus Vertigo. This match would be better in my humble opinion without the gimmick.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: You’re absolutely right. Let’s see how much of a match we get with the Hydraulic Ring. It might be a bit more interesting.

CATFIGHT GIRL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. This is the main event for the evening and it will be a Hydraulic Ring Match! The ring will lift and tilt in various directions constantly while the opponents wrestle. This match is for the EWA Championship of the world! First, introducing the challenger, from Hollywood, California….JAMES BOND!

(The 007 theme begins to play throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Here comes Vertigo as the man with the cool gadgets, cooler rides and ice cold when it comes to getting the girl all the time.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Do you think I would make a good Bond, Frosty?

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: No wrestler would. We don’t have the patience. LA Arena has risen to its feet as a lot of the older EWA fans have looked forward to this in some time but with the Hydraulic Ring, it may disappoint.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: We won’t know until the match ends just like we won’t know who the new EWA Champion is.

CATIFIGHT GIRL: And now, introducing the other challenger, from Hollywood, California….KENSHIRO!

(The theme music from “Fist Of The North Star” begins to play throughout LA Arena)

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: And here comes Purgatory, fully decked out in the Kenshiro threads as he makes his way down to the ring. Purg has that same stone-serious face of Ken down.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Maybe he’s actually serious but I could be wrong.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Purgatory getting in the ring and Kenshiro shakes the hand of James Bond. Offers his hand to Legend Demon. The Devil with the finger. The ring starts to lift and Legend Demon calls for the bell as the ring begins to tilt!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Let’s see something we’ll never forget!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Legend Demon in the corner hanging on as both Bond and Ken try to get something going here. They can barely keep balance. Both men trying to lock up but can’t because their balance is off. They lock up and I don’t know who has momentum here. The ring keeps changing it.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: It keeps switching it instead of the wrestlers.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Bond goes for a slam. No! It’s reversed by the ring into a splash by Ken! The Devil with the count! 1! 2! The ring kicks Kenshiro off!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: This is going to be a unique match.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Both men trying to establish some sort of offense but it’s no good! Both men whooshing away as they miss punches and kicks because of the constant tilting of the ring. Bond finally connects and OOHHH it’s a low blow! I’m sure it wasn’t intentional but the ring is tilting so it changes moves. Fear Factor this fast? Bond going for a fast finished and he has him up and no! His move is reversed into a sit down reverse! Ken goes sorta rolling off because of the tilting of the ring.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: How can we possibly call something like this, Ventura? It’s next to impossible!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Both men back up and another shift and wow! Did Bond get all of that flatliner or what? I mean the ring shifted just right to sent Ken right into Bond and he hit that flatliner on full. I think Ken is literally out here.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: He was dropped hard. You can see the look on Bond’s face. He thinks he’s out too.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: And now for the cover! 1! 2! The ring saves Ken! Ken still lying on the mat and the mat moving him and Bond. Legend Demon’s size has really been the difference here as he’s done the referee job I think no one under seven feet could do. Vertigo lifting Purgatory up and NO! Float around by Purg! HAPPY….OH MAN! What the hell was that? Kenshiro went for the Happy Place but the ring shifted and it looked like some sort of rib first DDT by Ken into the mat. Bond isn’t moving at all! Kenshiro took a face-first spill as well and the ring shifts again. Ken is covering Bond! 1! 2! 3! NEW CHAMPION!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Unbelievable!


FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: The ring stops and settles down as Purgatory becomes the new EWA Champion landing a move he had no intention of hitting and getting a cover he had less intention of getting!

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: This is the first time I can remember a ring actually striking back.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: The Devil shaking Ken something up and letting him know what happened as he is handed the EWA Championship and….did he ask for a microphone? I think he did. Legend Demon gets a microphone and hands it to the new champion as Bond is flat out. Vertigo is unconscious.

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: I’m more interested in what Purg has to say.

PURGATORY: Thank you. I don’t know what the hell just happened. I know that I legitimately knocked a friend of mine out here. I know that I am EWA Champion. I know that I’m looking at The Don over there and I see him crack a seven foot five smile. I’m not smiling. I’m sorry that I couldn’t have a match of the year like it should have been. I’m sorry that it had to happen this way. I am taking this time to retire.


“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: It just keeps getting more unbelievable.

PURGATORY: Now, you can say that this is only an excuse so that I can be called an undefeated EWA Champion and the only one at that and I wouldn’t blame you. I just feel that I can no longer provide you with the best match you’ve ever seen. Don’t worry, I’ll never be gone for good. I’ll be around. In fact, I’ll be Al Snow’s new color commentator on the month and as far as me coming out with something? Oh, I will. I’ll just be a special thing and not something meant towards wrestling but will involve it anyway. I’d like to take this time to thank the EWA fans for standing up and applauding every time I busted myself open for you. I wish I can give Vertigo a big ol’ hug and thank him to but he’s out. I guess I’ll just leave the ring and applaud you all back. You’ll never know how thankful I am to have each and every one of you thankful for me. Thank you.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: Purgatory retiring right here in LA Arena and the crowd chanting “Please Don’t Go” as Purgatory applauds them. I’m dumbfounded. I’m also very frightened because I see a very upset Omega holding apparently the now vacated EWA Championship again. We are crap out of time. What does this all mean? We can’t end it like this? Strange Days with stranger circumstances? I know, but still….

“MENE” GENE OKERLUND: Purgatory retiring? IT’S NOT MY FAULT!

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