Strange Days 2004

(LAST MONTH: MARCH MADNESS)

Vertigo captured the EWA Championship last month at March Madness in Aloha Stadium by successfully pulling the belt down from where it was hung as he landed on Steve Austin which forced Austin to once again hang up the boots. Jay Mack made a successful return defeating the debuting Batista. Dragon pulled an old wrestling trick out the books and managed to defeat Randy Savage to become number one contender to the EWA Championship. The Retro Playa was the first man on the card to retire a wrestler and retired Kid Money. Finally, Jason Cain returned as well and defeated The Hitman and Warrior who was also retired at March Madness. For every month, there has been a new champion. Will Vertigo stop that trend to stay EWA Champion or will Dragon become the 4th new champion in 4 months?

SHINOBI: I am Shinobi! Evil Ninja Of Darkness! Welcome, fools! Welcome to Toronto, Ontario, Canada! Welcome to the arena known as the Skydome! Welcome to STRANGE DAYS! To my side, a fellow creature of darkness sits all-seeing on his throne. He will announce his presence to you now.

OMEGA: You shall know me as The Essence Of Destruction….I am the Omega….The End Of All….Tonight….Tonight, souls offer all their sweetbreads as my sustenance….I will take their offering….and show them that no matter what they present, I will still show no mercy….

SHINOBI: What you knew as the Extreme Wrestling Alliance has become warped. Tonight, your cast of characters take on given forms as we see what the EWA Monthly is truly made of. I almost sound like that ridiculous counterpart Al Snow.

OMEGA: Weak voices do nothing but annoy me….let the Princess of Edenia bring the worthless….

(“Dirt Of Ya Shoulder” by Jay Z briefly plays throughout the Skydome. It’s abruptly cut of by “Excellence” by WWE Productions)

PRINCESS KITANA: This contest is scheduled for one fall. The referee of this match will be Marlene! Now coming to the ring….from Calgary, Alberta, Canada….THE HITMAN AS BRET “THE HITMAN” HART!

SHINOBI: This is not the same man you see on the weekly. It doesn’t take tremendous ninja skills like the ones I possess to see that this is The Hitman; the monthly card warrior known to wield the Spiked Chair. Right now, he is emulating Stu Hart’s most famous son; Bret “The Hitman” Hart.

OMEGA: A man with another identity is commonplace in what we witness….it is the mask that those in this profession choose to wear….The Hitman wears a mask that is not his own….He wears the mask of another man who made it….

(“For Whom The Bell Tolls” by WWE Productions briefly plays throughout the Skydome. It’s abruptly cut of by “Ministry” by WWE Productions)

PRINCESS KITANA: And now coming to the ring….his opponent….from Death Valley….THE UNDERTAKER AS UNDERTAKER: LEADER OF THE MINISTRY!

SHINOBI: The embodiment of evil now making his way down to the ring. I am evil and as this alliances’ evil ninja star, I can vouch for fellow evil!

OMEGA: Evil is beneath me….all of you humor me when you pretend that you know….

SHINOBI: The druids light the path for Undertaker as he comes to the steps. He raises the lights and now enters the ring. Bret not wasting time as rushes Undertaker. A knee lift to the stomach. European uppercut! Takes him down to the mat with a single leg take down. Undertaker rises up. Bret with the collar and elbow tie-up. Quickly takes Undertaker down to the mat with a fireman’s carry and locks in a head lock. The Hitman doing a good job mirroring who he’s supposed to be. He is no match for the ninja of evil!

OMEGA: We know how the so-called embodiment of evil is….The Hart is content and beating with joy….All the more pleasurable when it becomes sorrow….

SHINOBI: Hart continuing the offense but evil will not be denied! The dark leader of the Ministry easily powers out of the chin lock and is now choking Hart!

OMEGA: The poor fool…..He thought that he could be conventional…This weakness I see in humans…..One like myself can even find amusement in it….

SHINOBI: The Hitman trying to fight off The Undertaker but his evil powers are too great. Bret with a low blow! He pushes The Undertaker off! Hitman going for he quick Sharpshooter! He locks it in! The Hitman has the Sharpshooter on evil itself!

OMEGA: Does evil grimace in pain….Or does it mimic humanity to fool it….

SHINOBI: The Hitman is trying to make evil submit! Impossible! Evil never submits! The Undertaker powers out!

OMEGA: The branch has broken….Watch the cradle fall….

SHINOBI: Bret bounced into the ropes. The Dark Leader Of The Ministry waiting to chokeslam Bret Hart! The lights! Everything has gone pitch black! Is this a ploy by The Undertaker to get the upper hand? I have no idea of what’s going on but I hear a huge commotion in the ring! The Undertaker sounds as if he’s giving The Hitman a beating of a lifetime! All I can hear are the sounds of a man getting tortured in the darkness! The lights have come back on and….what happened? Both The Hitman and Undertaker are out cold! Both men, bleeding from their heads, are laid out onto the ring. What happened?

OMEGA: In the darkness in which they take fascination to, things happen within….The unexpected always occurs there and mere mortals can only wonder to what happened as they cannot see without light….

SHINOBI: The manager of Goldust is making the count. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. A double knock out?

PRINCESS KITANA: The referee has reached the ten count therefore this match is ruled a NO CONTEST!

OMEGA: Fascination leads to destruction….The very darkness The Undertaker worshipped consumed him leaving nothing….

SHINOBI: The medical personnel now coming to help both men out the ring as we ready for the next battle. A ninja such as myself was perfectly aware of everything that happened. Why did you do that, Omega?

OMEGA: Do not ask a foolish question when you know the simple answer, Shinobi….It only makes you shaped all the more flawed….

(“Play That Funky Music” by Wild Cherry briefly plays throughout the Skydome. It’s abruptly cut of by “Spanish Bullfighter” by CAPCOM Productions)

PRINCESS KITANA: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Your referee for this match will be Major Gunns! Now coming to the ring….from Barcelona, Spain….THE RETRO PLAYA as the Spanish bullfighter from Street Fighter 2….VEGA!

SHINOBI: From the world of video games comes the vain bullfighter from Spain. He fights there and with his claw, finishes the bulls instead of using the traditional sword.

OMEGA: Vanity is one of the human traits I witness as humorous….This creature thinks he has an idea of what beauty is….It frivolously hides its ideals beneath a mask….Peering out into the world with the openings given to him….The very protection he believes he has may lead to his ruin….His vanity blinds him….

SHINOBI: Vega coming down to a shower of rose petals as he walks to the ring accompanied by Spanish dancers. Vega, who goes by the name Balrog in Japan, coming with all the bravado here as he absorbs all the adulation the Skydome is giving him.

OMEGA: There is no escaping vanity when it is fed for vanity is always linked to ego….The shape of what you are known to be always has vanity a part of it when you deal with humans like yourself….His peers are giving him what he wants despite the fact that deep down, he cares nothing for them….

(“Hell’s Bells” by AC/DC briefly plays throughout the Skydome. It’s abruptly cut of by “Push It To The Limit” by Paul Engemann)

PRINCESS KITANA: His opponent….from Cuba….DMEN as the main character from Scarface….ANTONIO “TONY” MONTANA!

SHINOBI: Say hello to my little friend! dMEn coming down to the ring as the extremely violent gangster Tony Montana from the movie “Scarface” based in the ’80s.

OMEGA: A character conceived out of violence….In the movie, the character reaches a crossroads….He is full of doubts….Asking himself of himself….All this ceases when he witnesses four words: The World Is Yours….He took the world for his own….Omega, my buried counterpart, did such a thing….You cannot do such a thing without consequences….Pay the consequences in what you take….It’s what happened to him….

SHINOBI: Montana steps in the ring and Vega charges! Major Gunns calls for the bell! Vega misses with a claw swipe! Montana grabs hold of Vega and takes him down to the mat with an arm drag take down. The nimble Vega nips back up but is met with a drop-kick to the stomach. Vega doubles over and Montana follows up with a drop-kick right to his mask. Vega lands hard on his back and accidentally stabs the mat with the claw.

OMEGA: Imitation leads to error….

SHINOBI: Montana now working over the arm of Vega with kicks to the biceps, forearm and shoulder. Vega grimaces in pain. Vega with a hard pull and has the claw out now. Vega holding his arm. Montana picking Vega up. Vega out of nowhere with a sliding sweep! Montana lands hard on the back of his head. Vega back up. Favoring the arm. Vega hangs Montana in the tree of woe position. Vega back-flips to the opposite corner. Vega in a cartwheel front roll. CLAW SLASH RIGHT INTO THE UPPER LEFT SHOULDER OF TONY MONTANA! Montana screaming in pain! He slides off the tree of woe and rolls outside to the ring. Vega showing off as he feels he has complete control over Montana.

OMEGA: The foolish are the ones who take time to feed their egos….Vega absorbs the sin of gluttony and looks for admiration before he looks for the finish….This will cost him….

SHINOBI: Vega now moving out the ring. Usually, he does this after finishing off a bull. Vega….what was that? Montana just shot Vega right in the mask with something. I believe it was a T-shirt Gun. Montana using that T-shirt Gun to shoot Vega right in the mask. Vega stumbles back and is feeling those impacts to the mask. Montana may be out to either break the mask or crack it.

OMEGA: The human weapon known as the “gun” is deadly to humankind no matter what form it is given….be it for delivery, play, or death, the gun proves that mankind will always insist onto delivering themselves to me….

SHINOBI: Montana with a fighting chance now. Guns are no good! Use shuriken! Vega with a blind slash of the claw and he catches Montana right across the chest! Montana screaming in pain as he holds what is now a huge gash where his shirt used to be!

OMEGA: No matter the name, this human cannot hide the fact that he is Demon Child….Listless….Useless….Completely pitiful….

SHINOBI: And down on the mat holding his chest in pain. Vega stalking Montana. Montana manages to make it to his feet. There’s the trademark German Suplex! It’s the move he uses when diving off the fence after climbing it. Vega keeps it held! Major Gunns slides over! 1! 2! 3! It’s over!

PRINCESS KITANA: Here is your winner….THE RETRO PLAYA AS VEGA!

OMEGA: One man dealing with a debacle….This man felt the need to cut away at it….Look at it now….

SHINOBI: Vega now leaving content with the carnage he’s left. Once again, the man named Demon makes promises only to fall flat on them. If you find him in the back slain because of wounds a katana would cause, it’s only because I decided to end the years of seeing the mess. Vega has gone to the back. Montana has been taking out and will no doubtedly have his wounds stitched up. As the ring is repaired, we take a moment to tell you who our female referees are playing. Kitana Baker is Princess Kitana off the video game “Mortal Kombat.” Terri Runnels and Tylene Buck have taken on old wrestling personas. Terri has taken her on her Goldust managing persona and Tylene has taken on her old managing identity as Major Gunns. The ring has been repaired and we immediately move onto the next match.

(“Leviathan” by WWE Productions briefly plays throughout the Skydome. It’s abruptly cut of by “Demon From The Deep” by OVW Productions)

PRINCESS KITANA: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Your referee for the evening will be Firestar! Introducing first, from the darkest depths of the ocean….BATISTA as LEVIATHAN!

SHINOBI: Yet another wrestler taking on a former persona but I do not presume to know anything about that for I am SHINOBI! EVIL NINJA STAR! I AM NOT AL SNOW!

OMEGA: Reenacting the past has been much of what is explained here as a theme on what you would categorize as time and place and environment….The thing that you call environment has been altered and all who compete will be measured by their reaction to what has been altered….

SHINOBI: The man who use to just go by his last name now coming down as how he began his career. The Demon From The Deep is really how Batista wants to present himself in the world of wrestling. He has a chance to show the EWA how bad he wants to be who he feels is close to what he is.

OMEGA: Humans are so easily caught up in their given personas that they will reach great lengths to stop anything that comes to what they believe to threaten it….

(“Be A Man” by Randy Savage briefly plays throughout the Skydome. It’s abruptly cut of by “Believe It Or Not” by Joey Scarbury)

PRINCESS KITANA: And now coming to the ring….from Parts Unknown….RANDY SAVAGE as the Marvel Comics character DEADPOOL!

SHINOBI: This has been a very peculiar evening and now it gets stranger as a character from someone’s imagination fleshes out and has life breathed into it. That NEVER happens in the EWA.

OMEGA: Is the man afraid to show up….Or is he living the persona….

SHINOBI: DeadPool, who’s often called “the merc with a mouth,” is quite literally a human weapon created by a secret government. DeadPool is unique due to an off-shot of mutant healing ability in his blood. This ability is very unpredictable. DeadPool had the ability to regenerate limbs but has lost this ability. DeadPools’ perched on the top rope! Leviathan doesn’t see him! DeadPool’s waiting! Off the top ropes with a perfect jump kick to the jaw of Leviathan! Leviathan stumbles and falls to the mat. DeadPool has both legs. Maybe a submission hold? Multiple stomps right into Leviathan’s groin area!

OMEGA: How humiliating….All that pretending to be a creature and as soon as the opportunity arises, his human weaknesses are uncovered for all to see….

SHINOBI: DeadPool stops with the offense. Why is he itching the top of his head? The mask comes off! DeadPool accidentally pulls his mask off! It is Savage!

OMEGA: Whom did you expect….

SHINOBI: Savage trying frantically to put the mask back on and in his haste, puts it on backwards! What kind of weapon is this? This goes to prove that the ninja is the ultimate weapon! Savage now turning the mask back around to become DeadPool again and Leviathan flattens him with a clothesline! Leviathan looks like he s through dealing with DeadPool’s antics.

OMEGA: He was trying to be humorous….Try it when you are not against someone like Leviathan….

SHINOBI: Leviathan looking to finish this here and now. This may be a mistake here. One move and a finish? Underneath that mask is a wily veteran. Nevertheless, Leviathan hooks DeadPool. This could be the Demon Bomb! He’s got him up! DeadPool with a Frankensteiner reversal! He has him hooked in a victory roll! Firestar in position! 1! 2! 3! Did he get him? I think he got him!

PRINCESS KITANA: Here is your winner….”THE MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE AS DEADPOOL!

SHINOBI: DeadPool rolled up Leviathan and got a win here. Leviathan absolutely shocked as he complains to Firestar! He looks like he’s about to attack her! Here come Wrath and Crush! They’re attacking Leviathan with reckless abandon! Firestar taking this time to escape as Wrath and Crush violently attack Leviathan! Crush and Wrath, muscling Leviathan to the center of the ring. They hook him. HIGH TIMES! They’re not supposed to do it but Wrath and Crush hit the Double Chokeslam that KroniK are famous for.

OMEGA: Why do humans believe themselves to be clever when they do something so obvious yet expect people to believe things are not so obvious….

SHINOBI: Wrath and Clark now carrying Leviathan to the back along with DeadPool to perhaps continue the beating of Leviathan. There are no more matches left but one: The Main Event. Will the trend of a new champion for every month continue or….I’m sorry….It seems we have a visitor here. Prototype, a man you may know as John Cena is making his way down to the ring. He has the look of a man who wants to say something so let’s cut to him.

PROTOTYPE: Yo, yo, yo, chill, chill, chill! I know what ya’ll thinkin’. I got all of Canada blinkin’. Is that the OVW dude comin’ here all wack? This is John Cena just representin’ by throwin’ back! I’m up on what’s goin’ on, I don’t need a reminder. The major flashed her guns at me so I need to go find her. Don’t think you’re lunchin’ like you just got done on the pipe. John Cena is here; this the last time you see Prototype. I came out here to put warning to the Month Crew. I’m here to represent, and there’s nothin’ you can do! I’m gonna slice through this and cut like a knife! The only thing left to say? WORD MOTHAFUCKIN’ LIFE!

SHINOBI: John Cena coming onto the EWA Monthly cards and will only go as far as he takes himself. We go now to Princess Kitana.

PRINCESS KITANA: The following contest is your main event of the evening! This match is for the EWA Championship and it will be determined in a Strange Bedfellows Match! Beds of different design will be littered throughout the arena. The goal is to drive your opponent through three of any of the beds littered throughout the arena. Your referee for this match will be Sid Justice!

(“The End Is Near” by EWA Productions briefly plays throughout the Skydome. It’s abruptly cut of by “Sirius” by The Alan Parson’s Project)

PRINCESS KITANA: And now coming to the ring, the challenger….from Charlotte, North Carolina….DRAGON as RICKY “THE DRAGON” STEAMBOAT!

SHINOBI: Dragon looking to become the fourth new champion in four months as he comes to the ring emulating one of the greatest wrestlers of all time in Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.

OMEGA: Idol worship only works when there is knowledge of the idol….Dragon had no such knowledge and had to research into it….

SHINOBI: I hope Dragon has done his homework and so far, it looks like he may have. Warming up with a bit of kata in the ring. Ninjitsu is superior to Karate.

OMEGA: All of your fighting forms are useless….You all still deny that it is destruction and you are mine….

(“Sober” by Tool briefly plays throughout the Skydome. It’s abruptly cut of by “Bark At The Moon” by Ozzy Osbourne)

PRINCESS KITANA: And now coming to the ring….from Birmingham, England….he is the EWA Champion of the world….VERTIGO as OZZY OSBOURNE!

SHINOBI: A man who’s often called evil incarnate making his way here to the ring as we are set to begin this Strange Bedfellows match.

OMEGA: The apex has come….The last of the characters take stage….Let the final show commence….

SHINOBI: Ozzy slowly shuffling to the ring. His equally famous children and wife are not here. Ozzy choosing to come down here alone and settle this alone. Steamboat not wasting any time here. The act may be too much to handle as Steamboat is extremely well known to be calm before that bell rings. Sid Justice calls for the bell and follows Steamboat to the outside. Steamboat’s decided to take charge of the situation and has chosen to bring the battle to Osbourne. Osbourne clearly sees him and waves? I’ve heard rumors but now, I’m seeing them.

OMEGA: Rumors are only that until evidence is given….The evidence walks a certain way or talks a certain way and it’s automatically assumed that the rumors are true….Making humans believe something is so easy….All of you are pathetic….

SHINOBI: Steamboat with big chop to Ozzy and Ozzy goes down. He looks completely at awe. Ozzy back up and Steamboat with a textbook arm drag take down. Ozzy holding his back in pain as Steamboat lays in kicks. Dragon must be going for the rarely seen aggressive Steamboat. Ozzy trying to escape as Steamboat continues attacking. The camera following them back as we see what’s going on courtesy of Extreme Theater. Even our version of the TitanTron is in theme with what’s going on here. Osbourne and Steamboat are in the back and Osbourne’s still being attacked by The Dragon. Steamboat just kicking away at Ozzy. Is that one of the beds in the background? The beds are designed by Purgatory. They’re not hard to spot as they are built like real beds that are usually slept in with a bit more elevation off the ground. I believe it is as Steamboat grabs Osbourne by his hair and drags him to the table. What is that? Is that what I think it is?

OMEGA: I believe it is the creature you call “bat” albeit without their craniums attached….

SHINOBI: Headless Bats. The bed has Headless Bats on it. I wonder where that came from? Steamboat leading Osbourne to the somewhat disturbing bed. Steamboat ready to drive Osbourne through the first bed. Hooks him. The Dragon’s got him up. Osbourne with a flip over slide counter. Steamboat’s off balance! He’s teetering! Osbourne picks up Steamboat with an Electric Chair Drop and immediately drives him through one of the beds!

PRINCESS KITANA: Steamboat has been driven through one of the beds! Ozzy Osbourne is up one fall to none!

OMEGA: I believe what you would call “pressure” is now on Steamboat.

SHINOBI: As hurt as Steamboat is, he quickly rolls out of the bed wiping away the bat body parts. Look at the smile on Ozzy’s face.

OMEGA: There is no Ozzy Osbourne….Only Vertigo….

SHINOBI: You may be right. The musician may be gone as the wrestler starts to surface. Ozzy is now on the attack. Kicking away at the calves and shins of Steamboat. Steamboat now on the receiving end of shots. Steamboat is up and lands a trademark chop to Osbourne! Another! And Another! Osbourne with an eye rake counter. Osboune whips Steamboat into a pile of wooden pallets! Osbourne not wasting any time. Looking around for something to use. Grabs a lead pipe. Osbourne giving chase to Steamboat who rolled underneath that curtain area. Osbourne wi….Fire Extinguisher! Steamboat spraying the contents of that Fire Extinguisher into the face of Osbourne! He’s basically emptied the extinguisher and he gives him a shot in the gut! Another shot to the back and Osbourne goes down! Ricky Steamboat back in control!

OMEGA: Covered in the blood of bats nonetheless….

SHINOBI: Steamboat picks Osbourne up and slams him hard onto the concrete! Steamboat looking for something now. He’s spotted something. He’s got Osbourne back up and now, they’re both walking somewhere. Steamboat building up speed. He just sent Osbourne right through the glass of that small office in the back! Sorry if I sound a bit surprised but as a ninja, I specialize in the quick kill. I do not use such means of brutality. Steamboat spending a little bit time to celebrate.

OMEGA: Foolishness….

SHINOBI: I agree. Steamboat finally in pursuit. Steamboat in….what was that? Osbourne just hit Steamboat with something and that something is now stuck in the chest of Steamboat! A Razor Wire Two By Four. Amazing what’s just left lying around here isn’t it? Sorry to sound so much like the snowman but you have Osbourne with a few pieces of glass still in his arms and chest and Steamboat with a razor wire two by four stuck in his chest. Osbourne pulls it out!

OMEGA: Bear witness as flesh flies from him….Man, I’m really gettin’ fuckin’ tired of talkin’ like this.

SHINOBI: Osbourne now puts the razor wire two by four in between Steamboat’s legs. Leg drop to the razor wire! It crashes into the groin of Steamboat! I’ve seen that before and it looks like it hurts as much now as it did then!

OMEGA: This time, the wire is sticking….

SHINOBI: If I were Al Snow, I could come up with at least a hundred jokes about what I’m seeing right about now but ninjas do not dabble in humor. Steamboat has to pull the two by four himself and he is in some serious pain. Again, I could tell a hundred jokes about what I’m seeing if I were Snow. Osbourne sends Steamboat into the small office! He crashed right through that door! There must be something in that office for Osbourne….the second bed. The second bed is in there! The last bed was a Bed Of Headless Bats. I can now say that we have found those heads as this bed is a Bed Of Bat Heads.

OMEGA: One without the other no more….

SHINOBI: Steamboat still in serious pain. Osbourne now stalking Steamboat to get in position. Osbourne hooks him onto the shoulders. STEAMBOAT IS DRIVEN THROUGH THE BED OF BAT HEADS BY A DEATH VALLEY SLAM!

PRINCESS KITANA: Ricky Steamboat has been driven through two beds. Ozzy Osboune is up two falls to none!

SHINOBI: Osbourne must’ve seen John Cena earlier and decided to use the F-U Remix otherwise known as a Death Valley Slam or a Spiccoli Slam.

OMEGA: Chants for a false idol….They will all lead to emptiness….

SHINOBI: One more bed. All Osbourne needs to do is drive Steamboat through one more bed to retain the EWA Championship. Osbourne not wasting any time as he picks Steamboat up by the head. Look at those bat heads slide off of Steamboat’s body. Steamboat with a chop that staggers Osbourne. Another chop! Steamboat with a flurry of offense and Osbourne is reeling! Steamboat smacks Osbourne in the temple with a remote control! Steamboat with a perfectly executed drop kick sends Osbourne down! What’s he doing now? Steamboat going into the lavatory. I don’t need to see this. Steamboat looking around. Grabs a washcloth. This is no time to wash up. Steamboat, looking for something. Rubbing Alcohol. Steamboat using this time to treat his wounds? He pours a little on the washcloth and yes, he is treating some of his wounds. I’ve never seen this before. Steamboat coming back out. Grabs a broom. Breaks it over the head of Osbourne as Osbourne was getting up! Steamboat looking around. What did he just grab off the counter top over there? Steamboat pouring that alcohol all over Osbourne now and Osbourne reacting a bit to the burning of the alcohol in his wounds. STEAMBOAT HAS A LIGHTER! HE’S NOT GONNA….NO! OZZY OSBOURNE IS ON FIRE! OSBOURNE IS BURNING!

OMEGA: One of many who fascinate of darkness….As soon as they get a taste of what it may bring, they scream in pain….

SHINOBI: Osbourne came running out of that office almost covered from head to toe in flames! Like Osbourne before him, I truly believe that the “Ricky,” “The,” and “Steamboat” have all dropped and it’s just Dragon now. Dragon following the smoke trail left behind by Osbourne. What a brutal encounter this is! Dragon and the EWA cameras going through the halls of the Skydome here as the crowd chants.

OMEGA: Speak the language that is the living oxymoron….Take one religious word in “Holy”….Take a curse word in “Shit”….The fans say both….

SHINOBI: Ricky has now traced the smoke trail. It ends at Ozzy’s dressing room. He must’ve run in there to get those flames out. Doesn’t he remember to stop, drop, and roll? You would never see a ninja like myself covered in flames like that! Steamboat entering the smoke-filled room. Very difficult to see in there. Sid Justice, who’s been following this match and calling it right down the middle, is even amazed at how these two are going at it.

SID JUSTICE: This doesn’t smell like burning flesh smoke.

SHINOBI: The camera picking up Sid’s comments. I don’t even want to know what kind of smoke it is.

OMEGA: I would say your acquaintance was poisoning himself….You truly make it so easy for me to destroy you….

SHINOBI: Whatever it is, Steamboat having a tough time seeing….what was that? All I saw was something swing at….baseball bat! Osbourne just hit Steamboat with a wooden baseball bat right in the head! There’s no telling how long Osbourne was in that room so he may have had time to adjust to the smoke. Osbourne now dragging Steamboat’s unconscious body out of the room. Osbourne isn’t burned up at all. His clothes is pretty charred but I don’t see any skin burns or anything. Did Osbourne lead Steamboat to a trap? Osbourne going back in the room. Don’t tell me he’s going to get the bat again! Visibility is still poor in the room. Osbourne is pulling out what looks to be the last bed out of his dressing room! Osbourne looking to end this right here and now. We’ve seen a Bed Of Headless Bats. We’ve seen a Bed Of Bat Heads. Nothing tops what I am witnessing right now. We’ve got a Bed Of Scorpions. LIVE Scorpions. What kind of man keeps a Bed Of Scorpions in his dressing room?

OMEGA: A man with a plan….

SHINOBI: It looks a lot like a glass mattress with live scorpions crawling in it. Air holes are at the top so that the scorpions can breathe and eat if necessary. Have the stingers been removes from those scorpions? We’re about to find out as it looks like the Skydome will soon be infested with scorpions! The bed is in position. Sid Justice is in position. Osbourne trying to muscle Steamboat up to drive him into that glass bed of scorpions. He’s got him hooked. FEAR FACTOR INTO THE BED! GLASS AND SCORPIONS EVERYWHERE! It’s over! Ozzy Osbourne….the man that we know as Vertigo is still EWA Champion!

PRINCESS KITANA: HERE IS YOUR WINNER OF THE STRANGE BEDFELLOWS MATCH AND STILL EWA CHAMPION OF THE WORLD….VERTIGO AS OZZY OSBOURNE!

SHINOBI: Vertigo breaks the cycle of a new champion each month by retaining against Dragon in a match that lived up to its extreme build!

OMEGA: And now I can stop with all that fuckin’ Essence Of Destruction bullshit. Yeah, we saw some shit tonight but it’s just too bad that I was here. Everybody just kept lookin’ at me. Couldn’t help but steal so many of the spotlights by blindin’ all you fucks with my perfection.

SHINOBI: Vertigo celebrating in the back with a few close friends as he retains! Rob Van Dam, Justin Credible, Sabu and Bill Alfonso all coming out of his room congratulating him. That’s it from the Skydome, everybody! This is Al Snow as Shinobi saying that the Strange Days have ended!

(Typical recap video runs)
(Fade To Black)