Two Thousand & Sticks

Purgatory: Hello EWA TV land people! I am your aired resident psycho and we are live as we present EWA Monthly Lo’Down Recap. Hey camera guy, pan over there and see who’s sitting over there.

Al Snow: Hi…See Head’s here too and what a show we have going down tonight. Also we got company this month guess who!

Shane: Its Me Its Me… It Shane O’ Mac…And I’m ready to see what this crew has to offer…

Al Snow: They have Purgdogs Quake Burgers PEANUTS! they got it all!

Shane: I don’t see Rhino, so I guess there will be plenty of food to go around…

Purgatory: You’re a rotten liar, Shane. Two-Thousand And Sicks has come and gone and will be known as an EWA shock ‘heard around the world as it saw the return of the most controversial EWA athlete in history and that would be EWA President Omega. Ugh. Did that sound okay?

Al Snow: Omega shit where is he..huh? *looks at Head and agrees* Purgatory Shane wow look at the lovely Katrina Baker isn’t she a gem? Around the world shocking and right here…also we got the captain of the peeps and New Jack in action.

Shane: She is a beaut… The man who I have butted heads with the entire time I have been around here made one hell of an impact here tonight and it looks like he is catching that fighting buzz again as he really took out his aggression on Matt Bentley and Vertigo…

Al Snow: Vicious acts of aggression…and how about new jack and Berserk taking it out into the parking lot!

Purgatory: New Jack and Omega were all crowd gasps moments because nobody saw them coming.

Al Snow: Just like Christian’s Win tonight from out of nowhere against Retro AKA Jobber!

Shane: I was sure as hell surprised to see Omega finally step out of the front office and get back in to an EWA ring… Could that be a sign of things to come?

Al: head says YES maybe its foreseen…

Purgatory: If that sign says “Ass Kickin’ Begins Now” like his shirt, it could be. Damn it, this Magic 8 Ball isn’t telling me anything.

Shane: Al, can Head contact Miss Cleo?

Al Snow: She’s …can’t link. Okay now I got a question to ask you both; how did Omega’s Boot look planted on the face of Bentley?

Shane: Matt Bentley sure as hell is going to have to get rid of those skid marks that Omega’s big boot left on him.

Purgatory: Matt? I bet he didn’t like it. I mean here’s the footage. Bentley and Vertigo opening the show and out comes Omega with Tony Lister of all people who you guys might remember as “Zeus” from No Holds Barred and he just booted Matt and kicked Vertigo in the balls and Omega wears steel-toe boots. What I want to know is why Lister was there and why the run in from the Prez?

Shane: Some guy I used to know used to say… That’s gonna leave a mark and believe me…Omega did leave his mark on Vertigo and Matt Bentley… You know Omega is going to give us a big speech on why he decide to come down and interfere in this match up and you know Vertigo will have something to say about that to be sure…

Al Snow: As Vertigo coughed a horrible cough already I am sure he see Omega once he is better. Maniac made me laugh that face of FEAR! FRIDAY! It’s the President and Movie star TINY LISTER, JR.! I knew that eye was familiar, I agree Shane….Dark One I am sure did not like being pitched off the stage either.

Purgatory: Two kicks and then the Claw Slam on Matt and ScrewDriver on Vert. No time wasted. Mysterious Hollywood appearance. Not even close to done because Maniac and Dark One got some too.

Al Snow: This is Like a Men At Work 2 right here staring to nasty mean Trashmen!

Shane: Didn’t know today was Trash Day… But the trash is being taken out tonight…

Purgatory: They didn’t even get to see the ring. It was some gorilla position and WHAM! Scene from “Psycho!” Omega knives his way through the curtains and Dark One and Maniac pay the price.

Shane: Dark One and Crazed Maniac learned a lesson tonight… If you don’t step up… You are going to get your ass kicked and tonight they did.

Al Snow: This is a treat to have you Shane so when will we be seeing the Shane ‘o’ Mac attack back in action? Yes, they did well spoken and Head says you look cute tonight.

Shane: Well, I guess I should say thanks to that… (shakes head)… In any event you never know when I may step back in to the ring… Speaking of me being in the ring… The last time I was in the ring I took on the challenger tonight for the EWA Championship Christian… And tonight he stepped up to the plate when he took on Retro Playa… A man who revealed himself as Lone Jobber and I think it all caught up to him tonight…

Purgatory: This dual identity is brought to you by Al Snow. Al Snow; the man who started it big with himself and Avatar.

Al Snow: Yes but that’s for few to know Purgatory I maybe a little off but oh well… I agree again Shane Retro for some time was a wolf in sheep’s skin? something like that and tonight Christian recharged took it to Him Hardcore ladders, chairs and all!

Shane: It seems like Purgatory is trying to help out some customers… As he is the EWA’s Hot Dog Vender… Rob must not like that… Him scoring two pay checks from him… Maybe even three if he still claims to be a wrestler…but anyway… Christian showed off his TLC Skills tonight as he drove off that ladder like he hasn’t lost a step as he drove from the top of the ladder right down on to Retro Playa… I wonder if he hurt his ribs on that move…

Al Snow: I love T. L. C. It’s where it’s at but my thoughts did Christian fight for nothing? Did he spill blood to defend a title no longer here?

Purgatory: Yeah! Hey! Dang it. Suffer a near-fatal injury that about ends your career and you never hear the end of it. Christian didn’t forget how to make a conchairto either because he hit huge on it later on in the match.

Al Snow: You don’t see Funker and Foley quitting….or did we?

Shane: The ConChairto is a classic move and you knew you would see it from him… But Retro Playa was able to pull of a falling powerbomb off the ladder and that shook Christian for a moment HOLY Shit from the crowd as Retro Playa showed why he won the EWA Championship, but it seems like all of his work over the last couple of years caught up with him as he ran out of gas later on in the match.

Al Snow: What effect will double lose have on Jobber? I mean he went to the top on both ends and fought hard to succeed to only drop back to the bottom.

Purgatory: No. I never saw them get shot either. Retro didn’t have that much to show, Shane. The powerbomb was cool but then he went all Lone Jobber and went for The Gimmick and he got hit with my spot of the night; the top rope Unprettier. Didn’t even know he could do that

Shane: Neither did I… But it was impressive… I have been in the ring with him before and I figured I have seen it all… But that was truly impressive… Subway and I should get together and sign him right up to Weekly…

Al Snow: Taking our talent huh Shane? Where my contract? Where’s my offer?

Shane: We don’t need trainers… We need wrestlers.

Al Snow: Want to show you trainer? We can have a bonus match right now head is game….

Shane: You better go Train Crazed Maniac how to actually wrestle and show a spine… ‘Cause he needs the help.

Al Snow: We forgetting a couple guys? How about the two that cost Parks a bundle in car damage out in the lot?

Purgatory: We forgot a lot.

Shane: I think everyone forgot what day it is as not many people showed up…Everyone had the chance to impress the EWA Staff and not many stepped up to the plate… No wonder why this is the B Show…

Purgatory: I don’t know where I am right now.

Al Snow: You take your meds Purgatory? What happen? All I know is jack put his head through at least a dozen windows!

Purgatory: I lost my train of thought.

Shane: I wish I was in San Diego for Friday Night Frenzy as people at least showed up for that event… I think half of the crew tonight didn’t even wake up for the show as no one showed enough energy…

Al Snow: You know Shane I getting little tired of that mouth! But I am not a worker at this time. Yeah Purgy, welcome back. They’re in parking lot its brutal

Purgatory: Wait a minute. Rewind. Okay. I’m back again. We talked about Omega dominance and Christian pulling off one hell of a showing. What about New Jack? Did we talk about New Jack?

Shane: You gotta a problem with what I am saying… Im just taking a page out of the Omega play book… Im just telling it like it is… Just like New Jack showed off his extreme background…

Al Snow: yeah Head I know……wasn’t that Subway’s Motorcycle?

Shane: Did I just say Omega… Geez… There must be something in this punch… Purg? Did you do something to the punch?

Purgatory: Came back just in time to remind you that you train because of your indy work Al and Shane lobs insults because Shane lobs insults. Did I spike the punch? All I did was accidentally spill that guy’s drink in it. I hope that Jack Daniels doesn’t get mad at me for spilling his drink.

Al Snow: I miss Uni Bomb…sigh

Purgatory: I don’t have it here. Shane? Al? Either one of you got the footage of what happened to Havoc?

Al Snow: he got benched by Co Vp Subway, new jack and him spent there match in parking lot…you not hear me space captain purg?

Shane: New Jack brought out one of his Usual Dives off the Balcony and the EWA fans loved it…Berserk however, didn’t like it at all…

Al Snow: Good Old jack…..*al points head at purg*

Purgatory: I thought you said Subway and New Jack hit him with a bench. Just like New Jack hit Berserk with a rack of game systems. I saw X-Box, GameCube, PSOne, PS2, 3DO, Atari 2600, Neo-Geo Gold, a whole bunch.

Shane: No Sega? What Gives…

Al Snow: There not around hard to find but I got N64 at home for No Mercy! How about Jack stapling shit to his face!

Purgatory: I’ve seen staple use. What I want to know is who’s butt was that on that Xerox picture? New Jack stapled a Xerox of somebody’s butt on Berserk’s face & kicked it. At least I know Head is innocent. How about you, Shane?

Shane: It sure isn’t mine… Maybe he was tired of kissing Subway’s Ass… Who knows… All I know is that Berserk will be picking staples out of his ass for a long time…

Al Snow: Better check Shane’s pulse…o he’s alive! Purgatory, do you get any discounts on Donuts… Berserk will need it…Over all the night was most interesting…..we saw a lot shocker Omega and Lister together …..

Purgatory: Two Thousand And Sicks was all about dominance. Christian, New Jack and Omega. With No Chance so far away, what happens next? Shane? Al?

Al Snow: Christian New jack match! I Hope at No CHANCE. Vertigo and retro get revenge?

Shane: What happens Next? Its up to everyone in that locker room… There was dominance shown tonight… But I would rather see competition…and its up to everyone to step up and fight at No Chance

Purgatory: Well, we got that and….huh? The show’s over? Wait a….

Al Snow: What about Old World Alliance and Maniac? Will they Step up? Will Monthly Have an EWA Championship?

Shane: Testing One Two… Testing… Damn it Rob….Pay your bills on time…We will get the power turned back on for No Chan…