AL SNOW: Hello and welcome to Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I’m Al Snow and I’m joined by Purgatory as we are ready to call the action tonight.
PURGATORY: The next time you feed a group of EWA wrestlers Thanksgiving stuff, prepare yourselves. The carnage and chaos in that ring comes nowhere close to when you see those guys eat.
AL SNOW: We’re all set to go here so why waste any more time?
PURGATORY: Yeah. Action now, please. Hey Kitana!
(“The End By Everything” by Stereomud plays throughout Boardwalk Hall)
KITANA BAKER: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a special guest referee to be introduced later after the individuals of the match. First introducing from The Bowery….RAVEN!
AL SNOW: Appropriately, Raven is given his WWE music and this could really be the end of everything.
PURGATORY: It’s messed up too ’cause Raven has all the talent but got bit in the ass by Sloth.
AL SNOW: It’s kinda do or die here because now, it’s how we see the end of Raven.
PURGATORY: He didn’t keep his end of his deal and I guess it’s time to deal with him.
(“Domination” by Pantera plays throughout Boardwalk Hall)
KITANA BAKER: And now introducing from Parts Unknown….accompanied by Psycho….CHAOS!
AL SNOW: Raven’s not wasting any time here! There he goes out the ring and now, he’s going to confront Chaos here. Here we go! Both guys firing away! Hey! There’s Terry Funk!
PURGATORY: FUNK SIGHTING!
AL SNOW: Both guys fighting toward the back. Terry had a ref shirt on. I guess he’s gonna ref the match no matter where he goes. Oh no.
PURGATORY: Sinister Father’s coming out here. Headed this way.
AL SNOW: I’m just gonna tone this guy out.
PURGATORY: I can tell you guys that The Father is pretty much berating Snow here. Snow ignoring or listening. I can’t tell. I’m minding my business. There he goes. Hey Al, what was that all about?
AL SNOW: I don’t know. Jim is one of those guys who loves to talk. I don’t want to hear it.
PURGATORY: All you did was cover the ears of Head! Oh yeah. That works. Forgot about that one.
AL SNOW: The most….huh? I’m getting word here that we’re going ahead with the next match now.
PURGATORY: As in right now?
(“When I’m Gone” by Three Doors Down plays throughout Boardwalk Hall)
KITANA BAKER: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Your referee for this match will be TYLENE BUCK! First, introducing from Parts Unknown….CRAZED MANIAC!
AL SNOW: Crazed Maniac’s month debut has been dismal for him so far. Is this his last chance?
PURGATORY: I would say yeah. He has yet to show anything and if I were President, I would be like it’s time to put up or shut up.
AL SNOW: Maniac looks ready at least.
PURGATORY: Yeah, but you and me both know that looking ready isn’t being ready.
(“I Am A Viking” by Yngwie Malsteem plays throughout Boardwalk Hall)
KITANA BAKER: And his opponent, introducing from Manhattan, Illinois….BERSERK!
AL SNOW: Berserk coming down….no, he’s running down!
PURGATORY: Hey, no need for a five minute intro, right?
BERSERK VS. CRAZED MANIAC
Written By RockNsocK5230@aol.com
Edited by me
Al Snow: Crazed Maniac goes after Berserk nailing him with right hands… Berserk is backed up in to the ropes… Crazed Maniac charges in… Berserk catches him and nails him with a Samoan drop…
Purgatory: That’s a lot of weight being dropped on to Crazed Maniac…
Al Snow: That sure was… Maniac gets back up on his feet… Running Clothesline by Berserk…
Purgatory: That turned Crazed Maniac inside out…
Al Snow: Big Leg Drop by Berserk…Driving his leg across the head of Crazed Maniac… Berserk goes for the cover 1…………………..2…………………. Crazed Maniac kicks out…
Purgatory: Crazed staggering back up to his feet in the corner…
Al Snow: Running Splash… No! Crazed Maniac moves out of the way and Berserk goes crashing in to the corner…
Purgatory: That backfired on Berserk and he now is in trouble…
Al Snow: Crazed Maniac gets up on the middle rope… Berserk turns around… Tornado DDT by Crazed Maniac…
Purgatory: Berserk was dropped right on his head… That’s gotta scramble some brain cells… Speaking of Scramble… Any one want some Scrambled Eggs?
Al Snow: Where is Rhino when you need him… Crazed Maniac goes for a cover 1…………………………2……………….. Berserk gets his shoulder up…
Purgatory: Pancakes? Bagels? Yatzee!
Al Snow: Connect Four! Crazed Maniac now whips Berserk in to the ropes… Berserk with a reversal… Crazed Maniac comes off the ropes… Spinebuster…
Purgatory: He was just drilled in to the canvas…
Al Snow: Berserk is now setting up for the Sever Soul… Maniac counters out and hammers him with right hands…
Purgatory: We are seeing a lot of fight from Crazed Maniac…More so than past recent months…
Al Snow: Crazed Maniac kicks Berserk in the midsection… DDT… NO… Countered by Berserk and he throws him halfway across the ring…
Purgatory: Crazed is getting back up…
Al Snow: Berserk waits for Crazed Maniac to turn around… SEVER SOUL!
Purgatory: Crazed Maniac is out…
Al Snow: Berserk hooks the leg! Buck in position! 1………………….2…………………..3……… ITS OVER!
Kitana Baker: Here is your winner BERSERK!
AL SNOW: Maniac fought like his job depended on it but in the end, Berserk proved to be too much.
PURGATORY: The best way to get Job Insurance I say. Maniac, YYYOOOUURREEE SSSTTIILLLL HHHIIIRRREEEDD!
AL SNOW: Think he would’ve lost his job? Berserk is gone and Maniac leaving as we get set for the next match here.
PURGATORY: No EMT appearance? Strange.
(“The Druid” by Sleep plays throughout Boardwalk Hall)
KITANA BAKER: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall to a finish and it is for the EWA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Your special guest referee for this evening will be BECKY BAYLESS! Introducing first, the challenger, from Salisbury Plain, England….THE DARK ONE!
THE DARK ONE: Cut the music! Cut it!
AL SNOW: This is the first time we’ve heard from The Dark One talk to the ring.
PURGATORY: It’s got to be something important for him to up and become Mr. Gabby.
THE DARK ONE: Justin Credible has let his fear consume him and for that, I will face The Legion Of Doom alone.
AL SNOW: So I guess The Dark One’s gonna go at this alone.
PURGATORY: Berserk’s not gonna let that happen. I know he’s tired from his last match but the Old World Alliance won’t let that happen.
(“What A Rush!” by WWE Productions plays throughout Boardwalk Hall)
KITANA BAKER: And now introducing respectively from New Orleans, Louisiana and Chicago, Illinois….they are the EWA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS….HEIDENREICH AND ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL….THE LEGION OF DOOM!
AL SNOW: And you’re right, Purg! Here comes Berserk as he chop blocks Heidenreich from behind!
PURGATORY: Berserk! They still got the pads on!
AL SNOW: The Dark One running out here! OH NO! Animal with a shoulderblock to Berserk! Berserk gets a chest-full and face-full of spiked pads!
PURGATORY: PINCUSHION SIGHTING!
AL SNOW: The Dark One going right for his partner. NO! From behind! Animal with another shoulderblock! What is with the Legion Of Doom here? Animal and Heidenreich not ones to be like this!
PURGATORY: I disagree, Al! This is pure old school Legion Of Doom! They weren’t the good guys back in the day. They did something that everyone does today just about and that’s go and beat the living crap out of guys! L. O. D. going old school and it’s no mercy night tonight!
AL SNOW: The spikes come off finally but the damage has been done! The Dark One now being carried like a lump to the ring by Animal. The Dark One is no small guy but Animal using that legendary strength of his to carry The Dark One like a sack of potatoes.
PURGATORY: You said sack.
AL SNOW: Now I’m talking old school. The Dark One fighting out of the hold and now Animal’s in trouble. The Dark One does have some puncture wounds in his back but that’s not stopping him. Heidenreich is following but slowly following. The Dark One all over Animal and Animal sent into the steel steps!
PURGATORY: I’ve been told that Berserk has been taken out of the arena here. Animal pulled a Dusty on him. The spike caught him just above the eye though but it was close enough for Berserk to be tied to the gurney and pretty much forced out against his will.
AL SNOW: The Dark One in the ring with Animal with some nice right hands. Comes off the ropes and MAN! Animal just leveled The Dark One and I mean leveled him!
PURGATORY: That was a VERY stiff shot that looked like it came all the way from Japan! I don’t think The Dark One had ever been hit like that!
AL SNOW: Animal trying to recover from his beating. The Dark One not moving at all. I mean he’s completely out. Animal getting up and I haven’t seen this look on Animal before. Looks like he smells blood. Animal picking up The Dark One. Heidenreich’s already climbing to the top rope. DOOMSDAY DEVICE!
PURGATORY: It’s been copied and renamed but nobody does it like L. O. D. does it!
AL SNOW: Animal with the cover! Bayless able to get in position! 1! 2! 3! L. O. D. retain!
KITANA BAKER: Here are your winners and still EWA Tag Team Champions of the world….HEIDENREICH AND ANIMAL….THE LEGION OF DOOM!
PURGATORY: The Dark One tried but L. O. D. was just too much.
AL SNOW: This might lead to something but I’m not sure. Heidenreich limping a bit out of here as he and Animal leave and we go to the next match which is another championship match between Vertigo and The Retro Playa.
PURGATORY: And it isn’t like they’re strangers to each other. They’re finally getting The Dark One out of here. This next match had a bit of controversy behind it but what’s an EWA match without controversy?
(“Play That Funky Music” by Wild Cherry plays throughout Boardwalk Hall)
KITANA BAKER: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall to a finish. It is an UNLIMITED VIOLENCE MATCH and it is for the EWA CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD! Your guest referee for this match is TERRY FUNK! First, introducing the challenger, from Chicago, Illinois….THE RETRO PLAYA!
AL SNOW: And here comes the challenger….and he’s not coming alone. This is an Unlimited Violence Match but I didn’t believe that it would come to this.
PURGATORY: That is a nice kitana blade. We’re about to have two kitanas in the ring.
AL SNOW: He’s bringing a freakin’ sword to the ring, Purg!
PURGATORY: Yeah. Like I said; it’s a nice sword.
(“Sober” by Tool plays throughout Boardwalk Hall)
KITANA BAKER: And now introducing from Atlanta, Georgia….he is the EWA CHAMPION OF THE WORLD….VERTIGO!
AL SNOW: Vertigo coming with a….what is that?
PURGATORY: Looks like a sheet pan. Little bit thicker. Rob Parks is an Agent Of S. H. I. E. L. D. all the sudden.
AL SNOW: Huh? Vertigo and Retro not wasting any time here. Retro swinging like crazy and Vertigo blocking all of it.
PURGATORY: Retro’s gonna have to try something different. This isn’t working.
AL SNOW: Retro and Vertigo have put down their weapons and are now fighting it out. Both trading punches with Vertigo pretty much punching the back of Retro’s head.
PURGATORY: Can’t punch his face.
AL SNOW: It’s not exactly a strength. Vertigo getting the better of Retro and Retro being backed up. A straight kick and up and over goes Retro!
PURGATORY: Bad spill outside to the floor.
AL SNOW: Vertigo not wasting time. Going under the ring for something. A POWER DRILL! VERTIGO HAS A DRILL!
PURGATORY: Did we have to an in-match commercial? Notice how the name “Black and Decker” was shown all the sudden.
AL SNOW: Vertigo trying to drill a hole into that mask! Low blow! Retro scurries away!
PURGATORY: I wonder how deep the drill went?
AL SNOW: Retro going to the back. He’s got to come up with something.
PURGATORY: Vertigo’s got the lead. That and a handful of balls.
AL SNOW: Vertigo’s heading toward the WHAT THE HELL! VERTIGO’S ON FIRE!
PURGATORY: STOP, DROP, ROLL! STOP, DROP AND ROLL!
AL SNOW: Vertigo is a walking ball of flame and how did that happen! Vertigo rolling and trying to get himself out!
PURGATORY: Man, Retro has an ax!
AL SNOW: Vertigo rolling around. Looks like he’s out. Retro is poised and waiting.
PURGATORY: I’m kinda excited here. We might see a live decapitation for the first time in the EWA.
AL SNOW: Vertigo stumbling around and NAILED with the blunt end of that ax!
PURGATORY: Wrong end, Retro!
AL SNOW: Retro with an immediate cover! Funk in position! 1! 2! 3! It’s over! We have a new champion!
KITANA BAKER: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner and NEW EWA CHAMPION OF THE WORLD….THE RETRO PLAYA!
PURGATORY: Retro Playa with a surprise win here with the surprise being Vertigo suddenly becoming a human fireball! Did somebody in the back get….okay. They got it. It’s about to show on the Theater.
AL SNOW: Hardcore Theater showing the replay. Is that a Molotov Cocktail?
PURGATORY: Sure is.
AL SNOW: Retro Playa lit a Molotov and threw it right at Vertigo! I mean right at him! So that’s what happened! Retro Playa is the new EWA Champion of the world!
PURGATORY: Looks like we got some more theater action!
AL SNOW: Looks like we’re in the back. Raven is completely out and Chaos along with Psycho dragging him to the Parking Lot. I have no clue what they have planned for Raven. Tbey’re dragging him to that car there.
PURGATORY: Might be going for a nice ride in the park.
AL SNOW: I doubt it. Chaos telling Psycho something. Psycho holding Raven over the open window of that car. Chaos gets inside the car.
PURGATORY: I think he’s gonna choke him out with the automatic window!
AL SNOW: Terry Funk heading to the back where he’s going to finish the match he stated to referee. Raven completely trapped. His neck and head jammed into that window and now he’s trapped. Chaos getting out. What he say?
PURGATORY: Go get Funk.
AL SNOW: Sounded like something else. Chaos going somewhere as well. Are they just gonna leave him there?
PURGATORY: I don’t know. Maybe they want to make sure….did I just hear the sound of a truck starting?
AL SNOW: Chaos in that Dodge Ram! No! Don’t do it!
PURGATORY: Yeah! I wanna drive!
AL SNOW: CHAOS JUST DROVE THE TRUCK INTO THE BACKSIDE OF RAVEN! HOLY BABAGANOUCH! THERE’S A CAR AND A TRUCK AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT WRECK WITH ALL THAT GLASS AND TWISTED METAL IS RAVEN!
PURGATORY: Damn it! Some guys have all the luck!
AL SNOW: Funk coming now! He immediately calls for the end of this match!
KITANA BAKER: Here is your winner by stoppage of the match….CHAOS!
PURGATORY: Why couldn’t it have been me?
AL SNOW: Chaos was nothing plain but sinisterly sick! Look at the smile on his face! If this is any indication of the direction of the EWA, what does this mean?
PURGATORY: It means playtime is over.
AL SNOW: Ladies and gentlemen, we are completely out of time! We’ll see you at the last EWA pay per view of the year better known as NEW YEAR’S EVIL!